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Cynical Idealist
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Hey guys. I don't know how in-depth I'm supposed to introduce myself on here, but here goes.

Whether I've known it or not I've probably been living with social anxiety for most of my life. Some years have been better, most have ranged from bad to really bad. Came to a head a couple years ago with a calculated medication overdose, cold feet and a resilient liver, a week's stay in a psych ward, and a sizable medical bill that I'm still paying off. I gave things another shot, finished my college degree in technical theatre, and discovered that - if I'm being honest with myself and not using the litany of excuses I've practically memorized - I'm still far too afraid to pursue that kind of work. So I've ended up treading water as a grunt in a retail store. I've failed in just about every professional avenue I've tried, due mostly to the fear keeping me from giving a full, concerted effort.

I could deal with all of my professional failures if I had any semblance of a social life. I've a few acquaintances from work and church, but they don't ask to hang out with me, and I can't ask to hang with any of them. I've tried getting involved with things - church groups, theatre shows - but I rarely meet people my age, and when I do I'm quiet, dull, and uninteresting, a far cry from how I am with family. I freeze up. I can't think clearly. I just can't do small talk. I see all my peers already engaged, married, with kids, and I feel embarrassed and impotent in not even having been able to ask anyone on a date in the past seven years. So I spend most of my free time by myself playing video games or just wasting time on the internet until it's time to go to bed.

I don't deal with loneliness well. With no support system I tend to fall deep into depression. I'm really sick of having my life roadblocked by the same old problems everyday. I don't have anyone in my life I'm able to talk about this kind of stuff with, so here I am on this forum in the vague hope that this community can help me stay sane. Perhaps I can even help some of you out by sharing my experiences. I obviously get pretty anxious talking to people I don't know, but I don't think I'd mind chatting with some of you if anyone is willing. I have precious few people I can talk to about anything.

Sorry that got a little long-winded, but in short, uh, hi.
 

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Hey Mike, welcome to :sas
 

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Welcome, IdentityCrisis! :)
 

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Hi. and welcome identitycrisis. :)
I just sign up too and I understand how you're feelin right now. I'm 21 and I felt there was a lagged in my psychosocial devt unlike my friends who already establishing a long term relationship right now. Some are even ready to get married. I just feel crap about it and try to hide by acting cool and tough.
I just moved here in US (*sorry for my bad english.) which makes me feel depressed right now. do right now, trying to keep my sanity intact by playing videogames and wasting my time here in the net, till I came across this site.
anyway, I wanna say some more but I'll just cut it short.
nice to meet you btw. and feel free to chat with me if you got the time. :)
-joyce.
 
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