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I'm 19 years old and about to finish my first year of college. I'm in an required speech class right now and it's been really bad on my nerves and has stressed me out because whenever I get in front of a group of people to speak (or really a group of people period), I fall apart. Today we had to give a speech and I showed up late (and I hate being late because when I come in and everyone's already in their seats, I feel all eyes on me) and the closer it got for my turn, I felt the inside of my stomach burning and I felt tense with each moment. I finally got up there and I immediately messed up and had to start again. It went all downhill from there. After about a minute or so, I froze and my mind went blank. This went on for the duration of my speech. I would feel like I was starting to get into it and then I would just blank out. Eye contact is something we're graded on and as I was looking around the room, everybody looked as if they were judging me and thinking I was pathetic. After I was done, people barely clapped and I just kept repeating to the people around me where I sit that I did terrible. They tried to reassure me that it wasn't that bad but I knew that they were just trying to be nice. I'm probably gonna be going over this in my mind for a long time. I tend to do that with everything.

I overanalyze my interactions with people and things that happen day to day all the time. If I go into a store, I will rush to where I'm trying to go so that I don't have to face the people up front. If I do happen to see them and speak, I think about how I may have come off and if I may have said anything to offend them. Then when I'm driving home, I'll replay everything. ''Did I seem rude/irritated?'', ''Was my tone friendly enough?'', etc. I had an instance a week ago where I was driving home from school and was almost there when I passed a bus with the stop sign out and the lights flashing (very stupid and dangerous). There was a car in front of me and they stopped and then kept going so I stupidly did the same. When I realized what I had done, I started freaking out and wondering if the police were going to come to my house and arrest me. I even told my mother that I wanted to go to the police station and confess to what I had done so I could get it off my conscious. She brushed me off and told me that I was being silly and that the police would laugh at me if I went up there and told them that. She told me just not to do it anymore and to relax. I've tried to talk to her about everything I've been going through and I feel like she thinks I'm just reacting over nothing and she's even told me ''it's normal'' and she does it too. I feel like she thinks I'm joking. The thing is, I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about going to the school counselor and seeing what they say but I can't find the courage to do it yet because I'm a really private person.

Sometimes I cry and wish I could just stop my mind from racing and being filled with doubt. I'm trying not to slip back into depression because I've been at the bottom feeling hopeless but I slowly feel myself going back to where I used to be and I don't want to be there anymore.
 
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