Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I apologize if this turns out to be long, i just need to get this off my chest.

I'm 20 years old and I just feel like I have no purpose in life. I want to feel happy, but it's so hard. My mom died in early 2009 when i was 17. I had social anxiety really bad even before she died to tell you the truth. Ever since I was little I was treated like I had a disorder or something. I noticed it when i was in kindergarten. I was 6 years old and I stuttered really bad, so my parents put me in speech class. I was VERY shy as a child and i still am today. When I really started to notice that I was weird was when I was in the 2nd grade. I got bad report cards. I got Us (unsatisfactory) on my subjects. I would come home and get yelled at by my dad. He would say things like "Are you retarded!" "What the F is wrong with you?" "You better straighten up!" Mind you I was only 7/8 years old at that time. Throughout elementary school I got help because i didn't know how to count money, didn't know times tables and i sucked at reading comprehension. I could read, but i couldn't give output on what i read. I felt really dumb as a child. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be mad at my parents b/c they got me everything i wanted, but i feel like this anxiety stems from childhood verbal abuse. I think i'm selfish for feeling that way.

The verbal abuse continued into my pre teen years and teen years. I started getting "smart" and good grades in middle school and high school, i was on honor roll and in honor societies, but i still felt stupid sbout the world. Ever since my mom died, my dad has been taunting me and he moved his new girlfriend into the house, she nice and all, but she's too naive to see the real him. I graduated high school this past June and that made feel stupid because I should have graduated two years before. I didn't because i started kindergarten one year late, plus i failed the 4th grade. I asked my dad why and he said "your mom didn't feel like you were ready". He always refers to my mom as "your mom". He never acknowledges that she was his WIFE. I understand he wants to move on, but he doesn't care about her anymore. After she died, he said i'm screwed. My whole family and my mom's family think that I know nothing. So here I am 20 years old with no job and no life. I just got accepted at my local University and my financial aid is getting processed, but I'm still worried about that. In 2 weeks i start registering for classes. However, if my aid isn't in my account yet, they will put me on a payment plan, but my dad said that will not happen. I try to explain to him, but he never listens. My dad keeps pushing me, but I'm afraid to go to college, I don't even know if i can do it. I don't even know why i even applied. I majored in Psychology, but i wanted Spanish, but they don't have it. So i had to go with Psychology since i did well in that class during HS. My dad said the only job i can do is to be a florist. That made me sad. I don't drive b/c I have had horrible experiences.

I don't know if i can make it in college. I never went out when i was teen, my mom never let me. I feel like I was sheltered and i just can't do anything right. I never had a job. I'm afraid that i will be sitting on my butt for the rest of my life. I just go on the internet all day, that's basically my life. I see other 20 year olds and even people younger than me that have cars and jobs and everything is going right. I think to myself why can't i do that? I feel like I can't function in society. The only thing that makes me happy is that I'm teaching myself Spanish and I listen to music.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,564 Posts
First off I'm sorry about your mother passing :(. Your father doesn't sound supportive at all tbh. That would make it a whole lot tougher on someone going through this. I wouldn't say you're a "loser". Not in my eyes anyway. I don't have a life either and I don't consider myself a loser. I go to school, I try to communicate with others when I get the chance so I can make friends, and I'm currently writing a novel. That's my life right now. It isn't much but it's something.

Heck, the fact that you're going to school is great. You're trying to get an education so you can have a better future, that's the opposite of being a loser. As long as you're striving to better yourself, you are not a loser.
 

·
happy :)
Joined
·
606 Posts
no offence but your dad sounds like a real assshole and seems as though he is angry that your mom died, i don't know how you cope, if my mum died i would kill myself but that's just me, no you can be anything you want to be he's just putting you down by saying the only job you can do is be a florist, your studying right well let that lead you into something positive, you can always become a counselor of some sort, maybe you should try to get some advanced lesson in driving to take this fear of it away, your not a loser your a great person im glad you have a hobby if learning spanish makes you happy you can always get a career in teaching, there's so many options available to you, you have your education so its unlikely that you be sitting around doing nothing with your life, when you ready to move out do just that get a flat mate and part time job so you can be away from your negative father ,who will only bring you down and make you feel worthless he has no right to do that to you be strong ,best of luck:)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,634 Posts
I can tell from your post you have good writing skills so University will not prove an obstacle .
Whoever uses the word "loser" to describe themselves or anyone else needs to seriously wake up! It's just a stupid label!...the same as "winner"...don't think in this way.....winner or loser...avoid such terms...because it will stop you from trying...and trying is what counts...don't be afraid of failure.....the process is more important than the result...atitude is everything and it seems like you have a good attitude...your is ahead of you...go for it! Maybe its time to say goodbye to Daddy for a while too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
759 Posts
I can tell from your post you have good writing skills so University will not prove an obstacle .
Whoever uses the word "loser" to describe themselves or anyone else needs to seriously wake up! It's just a stupid label!...the same as "winner"...don't think in this way.....winner or loser...avoid such terms...because it will stop you from trying...and trying is what counts...don't be afraid of failure.....the process is more important than the result...atitude is everything and it seems like you have a good attitude...your is ahead of you...go for it! Maybe its time to say goodbye to Daddy for a while too.
The social networking aspect of University is just as important as the academics. If you cannot communicate with other people and make friends then the future is not bright. I ended up dropping out for just this reason, even though my grades in engineering were desirable.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,634 Posts
The social networking aspect of University is just as important as the academics. If you cannot communicate with other people and make friends then the future is not bright. I ended up dropping out for just this reason, even though my grades in engineering were desirable.
I was mainly referring to passing grades. I didn't have many friends at Uni... I wasn't a party animal either..... but I made more friends after Uni...
Perhaps you're overvalueing the social networking aspect.......some of the "loudmouths" I met at Uni weren't worth knowing anyway......
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
501 Posts
I apologize if this turns out to be long, i just need to get this off my chest.

I'm 20 years old and I just feel like I have no purpose in life. I want to feel happy, but it's so hard. My mom died in early 2009 when i was 17. I had social anxiety really bad even before she died to tell you the truth. Ever since I was little I was treated like I had a disorder or something. I noticed it when i was in kindergarten. I was 6 years old and I stuttered really bad, so my parents put me in speech class. I was VERY shy as a child and i still am today. When I really started to notice that I was weird was when I was in the 2nd grade. I got bad report cards. I got Us (unsatisfactory) on my subjects. I would come home and get yelled at by my dad. He would say things like "Are you retarded!" "What the F is wrong with you?" "You better straighten up!" Mind you I was only 7/8 years old at that time. Throughout elementary school I got help because i didn't know how to count money, didn't know times tables and i sucked at reading comprehension. I could read, but i couldn't give output on what i read. I felt really dumb as a child. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be mad at my parents b/c they got me everything i wanted, but i feel like this anxiety stems from childhood verbal abuse. I think i'm selfish for feeling that way.

The verbal abuse continued into my pre teen years and teen years. I started getting "smart" and good grades in middle school and high school, i was on honor roll and in honor societies, but i still felt stupid sbout the world. Ever since my mom died, my dad has been taunting me and he moved his new girlfriend into the house, she nice and all, but she's too naive to see the real him. I graduated high school this past June and that made feel stupid because I should have graduated two years before. I didn't because i started kindergarten one year late, plus i failed the 4th grade. I asked my dad why and he said "your mom didn't feel like you were ready". He always refers to my mom as "your mom". He never acknowledges that she was his WIFE. I understand he wants to move on, but he doesn't care about her anymore. After she died, he said i'm screwed. My whole family and my mom's family think that I know nothing. So here I am 20 years old with no job and no life. I just got accepted at my local University and my financial aid is getting processed, but I'm still worried about that. In 2 weeks i start registering for classes. However, if my aid isn't in my account yet, they will put me on a payment plan, but my dad said that will not happen. I try to explain to him, but he never listens. My dad keeps pushing me, but I'm afraid to go to college, I don't even know if i can do it. I don't even know why i even applied. I majored in Psychology, but i wanted Spanish, but they don't have it. So i had to go with Psychology since i did well in that class during HS. My dad said the only job i can do is to be a florist. That made me sad. I don't drive b/c I have had horrible experiences.

I don't know if i can make it in college. I never went out when i was teen, my mom never let me. I feel like I was sheltered and i just can't do anything right. I never had a job. I'm afraid that i will be sitting on my butt for the rest of my life. I just go on the internet all day, that's basically my life. I see other 20 year olds and even people younger than me that have cars and jobs and everything is going right. I think to myself why can't i do that? I feel like I can't function in society. The only thing that makes me happy is that I'm teaching myself Spanish and I listen to music.
It sounds like you have had a traumatic and troubled upbringing and a difficult transition from teenager to young adult. I think a lot of people go through this and it's particularly difficult when you move from being a teenager to an adult and don't feel secure about who you are, your identity etc. The lack of any role model or support from your father, and your mother passing also must have contributed to this.

It also sounds like you may have experienced learning difficulties from an early age which hampered your social development to some degree. But you seem to have done very well to pass your psychology and have got a place at University so well done for that, you should be proud. Many drop out of education and don't graduate so well done to you for sticking at it.

I'm twice your age, and your story could be my own in places..I lost my father aged 5 (my parents divorced and I never saw him again) and my mother was emotionally cold and critical of me, much like your father was. I had learning difficulties in school from an early age and was also in a special class. Couldn't do multiplications, read properly or tell the time from a clock even at aged 10 and my mother would say you must be stupid etc.

I do think a lot of these things are common themes in many SA sufferers life stories and a factor why many turn out the way they do as insecure and fragile young adults who lack self-esteem and social skills. However I also believe we have it within us to change that if we're willing to work at it and keep pushing ourselves.

Obviously it's scary facing going to University and having to enter new situations and meet new people, but the alternative is to hide away and not achieve anything life. All that does is reinforce your fears and make you feel more inadequate.

I think as you're still very young, you have a lot to experience in life yet, and the next few years may be interesting ones where things change for you and you begin to learn more about yourself and what you want to do in life. You may meet someone, or make new friends you can relate to and get some support from. I hope you do, and that your life gets better. Try not to worry too much about things and don't be afraid to ask for help early on from your doctor if you feel like you can't cope.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It sounds like you have had a traumatic and troubled upbringing and a difficult transition from teenager to young adult. I think a lot of people go through this and it's particularly difficult when you move from being a teenager to an adult and don't feel secure about who you are, your identity etc. The lack of any role model or support from your father, and your mother passing also must have contributed to this.

It also sounds like you may have experienced learning difficulties from an early age which hampered your social development to some degree. But you seem to have done very well to pass your psychology and have got a place at University so well done for that, you should be proud. Many drop out of education and don't graduate so well done to you for sticking at it.

I'm twice your age, and your story could be my own in places..I lost my father aged 5 (my parents divorced and I never saw him again) and my mother was emotionally cold and critical of me, much like your father was. I had learning difficulties in school from an early age and was also in a special class. Couldn't do multiplications, read properly or tell the time from a clock even at aged 10 and my mother would say you must be stupid etc.

I do think a lot of these things are common themes in many SA sufferers life stories and a factor why many turn out the way they do as insecure and fragile young adults who lack self-esteem and social skills. However I also believe we have it within us to change that if we're willing to work at it and keep pushing ourselves.

Obviously it's scary facing going to University and having to enter new situations and meet new people, but the alternative is to hide away and not achieve anything life. All that does is reinforce your fears and make you feel more inadequate.

I think as you're still very young, you have a lot to experience in life yet, and the next few years may be interesting ones where things change for you and you begin to learn more about yourself and what you want to do in life. You may meet someone, or make new friends you can relate to and get some support from. I hope you do, and that your life gets better. Try not to worry too much about things and don't be afraid to ask for help early on from your doctor if you feel like you can't cope.
I do feel like I had a traumatic upbringing. I feel like i can do things, but it's like i can't do it. I fight this everyday. Thank you and to all the others who replied to my thread.
 

·
electric
Joined
·
6,777 Posts
I am sorry about your mom, and that your dad has been ambivalent toward you and really just mean and unsupportive often. I didn't get great grades as a kid either. I didn't want to do the work and I procrastinated a lot. My dad would be furious about my grades and yell at me about it and I was pretty terrified of him! I don't remember things he said, but I don't think he said things like your dad. Still, I feel like a helpless little kid around him. I could never look him in the eye, or even speak my mind unless it was under my breath walking away, which he would absolutely not tolerate! I started getting good at school as a teen and grew into a perfectionist about it. I think I maybe always was, but that I only slowly could reel it in enough to be productive instead of just down on myself and the world.

I think you might rather like university life. My experience with it was that it didn't require so much socializing as some have suggested. I know I often went whole days speaking not a word I could recall except maybe a "hi" once or twice. But it's also such an excellent opportunity to meet people and make new friends too if you put your mind to it. I'm surprised Spanish wasn't offered, yet psychology was. If you wanted, you could focus on your general core classes for a year or so, and then transfer to a school which offered Spanish. Most any public university with liberal arts programs should have it. Hang in there, and don't worry what anyone thinks about what you can and can't do. Make it your job just to learn the material and complete the assignments. Go places you can study without distractions. Hang out with people who help you learn if you can. FAFSA always got me the money I needed, but in any case, good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28,013 Posts
I have had some similar experiences. My mom got leukemia when I was 12 and she passed away when I was 17. I was already kind of borderline when she got sick and her illness just pushed me over the edge. I basically was a hermit and refused to go to school from age 12. I started junior college a few months after my mom died and it went fine for the most part. I didn't make much of any friends but I enjoyed the classes and finally being out of the house. As the above said, don't worry about college, you really don't need any social skills to excel.

My dad was not abusive as yours is but he really was not as supportive as he should have been. Once he found my evil step-mother, his focus changed from the kids to the old bag. Might be better to move in with roommates, if you can afford it. Your dad just seems like a negative influence.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I am sorry about your mom, and that your dad has been ambivalent toward you and really just mean and unsupportive often. I didn't get great grades as a kid either. I didn't want to do the work and I procrastinated a lot. My dad would be furious about my grades and yell at me about it and I was pretty terrified of him! I don't remember things he said, but I don't think he said things like your dad. Still, I feel like a helpless little kid around him. I could never look him in the eye, or even speak my mind unless it was under my breath walking away, which he would absolutely not tolerate! I started getting good at school as a teen and grew into a perfectionist about it. I think I maybe always was, but that I only slowly could reel it in enough to be productive instead of just down on myself and the world.

I think you might rather like university life. My experience with it was that it didn't require so much socializing as some have suggested. I know I often went whole days speaking not a word I could recall except maybe a "hi" once or twice. But it's also such an excellent opportunity to meet people and make new friends too if you put your mind to it. I'm surprised Spanish wasn't offered, yet psychology was. If you wanted, you could focus on your general core classes for a year or so, and then transfer to a school which offered Spanish. Most any public university with liberal arts programs should have it. Hang in there, and don't worry what anyone thinks about what you can and can't do. Make it your job just to learn the material and complete the assignments. Go places you can study without distractions. Hang out with people who help you learn if you can. FAFSA always got me the money I needed, but in any case, good luck!
"I feel like a helpless little kid around him. I could never look him in the eye, or even speak my mind unless it was under my breath walking away, which he would absolutely not tolerate!"

This is exactly how I feel around my dad. It's like when he talks to me, he waits for me to crack under pressure.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top