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Chimpoleon
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I personally don't think I am (which probably means I am) -- I've gone weeks without drinking without a second thought, I don't crave it ever, I hate the taste -- but I seem to drink a lot at work (only) where I'm most anxious.

I don't drink while alone (at home), even at the few parties I've gone to as a 3rd wheel, I don't drink too much because I don't want to make a fool of myself =/ but when I'm at work I can't wait until Lunch time comes so I can go to the liquor store and get hammered (I still do all my work though -- 5-10 drinks~).

I basically can't handle it anymore, my life is a ****ing mess/joke, and at least when I get hammered + paid for it, I feel like I'm accomplishing something, maybe it's beating the man, or maybe I can't think of how terrible SAS really is, I don't know. It sucks, but I can't see myself become a 24/7 alcoholic because all I want to do in this state is sleep. I've gone to meetings totally hammered and no ones said anything (lots of breathemints/gum/etc heh).

Anyways I don't know, If i tell my psych this, I'm pretty sure I'll be banned from all benzo's permanently if I do, which is pretty much the only cure since all the ssri's/ssnri's/sdri's/s**i/etc doesn't seem to do anything for me at all -- I've been on 300mg effexor daily for about a month, and even if I stop, I feel nothing (unlike others who go through some crazy withdrawals -- me, I feel no different if I skip a dose or two, or three - for all the anti-depressents I've been on). I've tried a few benzo's and they don't seem to do anything either (up to 4mg of klonopin = no effect, I've tried .5mg xanax, and .5mg atvian, those didn't do anything either -- haven't been able to try either of those at higher doses)

I don't know, alcohol seems to be the only thing that takes away my anxiety which is pretty horrible -- I don't think I could ever become an alcoholic because of how much I hate the taste of liquor (I've thrown up after like 3-4 drinks heh) but I'm sure this is how is starts for everyone. I don't know at this point. :roll

I don't think I'm depressed (that much, more anxious than anything really, I think I have AVPD to be honest) but I don't know, maybe someone has gone through the same thing and can help :| anyways, thanks for reading my boring story :afr

any comments would be nice :p
 

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Hi Saqq
I dont think you are an alcoholic but fear this could lead you there. I did the exact same thing as you years ago and always because i couldnt face work without it. When my job entailed me to work on reception it got worse and i would drink before i started work and at lunch time as well, i felt out of control.
I think you should definatley tell your phyc as he/she cant help you unless you are totally upfront about everything. I understand why you drink at work, you found something that works for you but this isnt the solution and i know it would be tearing your soul apart because of knowing what you are doing/ feel you have to do, just to get by, just to able to go to work. I understand where you are coming from, i did it too untill i just couldnt take it anymore and i had to leave my job.
Alcohol helped me with my anxiety (or so i thought at the time) but in reality it really just makes everything 10 times worse as you have probably already noticed. You are on the right path with seeing a phyc. You should tell him/her everything and especially about your drinking at work as they can help you with that. As hard as it is we have to learn to face our fears and anxieties un-aided. Please dont be embarrassed to bring it up with your phyc that is what they are there for and dont feel ashamed, you are just trying to cope the best way you know how. Good luck xo
 

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Chimpoleon
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291 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks, I'll definitely think about it. It's weird, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is drink -- like right now, I've been sober for a few hours, and drinking is the last thing I want to do right now. I'll probably tell them, at least next meeting if not my upcoming one.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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19,175 Posts
If you want the best your psych can offer you then you have to be willing to at the very least mention the deepest of your issues. You may not be able to discuss them but at least he/she has all the background info to help you in the ways you are open to.

I think people forget that a large part of addiction is habit & as such the fact that a person is not loaded all the time does not mean they aren't an addict or alcoholic. There's many a person who drinks fairly responsibly but nontheless they are always drinking regularly, surely this counts as alcoholism. In this case it's alcoholism at work & not elsewhere but it remains what it is.

I can go extended periods without liquor myself without any issue but I still know that there's a part of me that loves benders as well being able to have drinks daily just for a little buzz & nothing more
 

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I don't know if you're an alcoholic, but a couple of the things you said have indicated that alcohol might be a problem for you. I'm glad you're looking into it and taking the initiative to see if you might have a problem. That shows a lot of responsibility. Here are the things that concern me: 1. You feel guilty about your drinking. 2. You can't get through a workday without drinking. 3. Miseducation/justification of drinking. As someone already said, you do not have to be drunk all the time to be an alcoholic. Look at the DSM IV for alcohol abuse/dependence and see what the criteria actually is.
http://www.mentalhealthchannel.net/alcohol/diagnosis.shtml

Another thing to keep in mind is that your drinking could be completely changing the effects of your medication. It totally depends on the person, but it could be rendering your Effexor completely useless. That said, I don't think that your psych would ban you from benzos because of this. I hope you're seeing a therapist, too. Therapy can be great for situations like this, where you need a professional opinion but also just someone to talk to that understands and has more time than your psychiatrist can provide.
 

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No, your story isn't boring. I actually been taking Paxil for a week and a half and I don't really feel a thing except for being sleepy/spaced out. I found out I can't drink while on it either. I'm kind of worried that it won't work for me!

Before the Paxil, I was drinking almost every day, especially before I got to work....even at work!!! I was getting so disgusted w/myself and I thought that if I got on meds I wouldn't want to drink, but I still do. I know it takes time to kick in, but I think I need a higher dose or something.
 

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Buried at Sea
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"Alcoholic" and "alcoholism" are just labels. You should look at how you use alcohol and the effect it has on your life. And you should definitely get an outside opinion (your psych, doctor, or counsellor would be great for this) because quite often (and especially if the habit has gone beyond just a habit) our minds and the habit become very good at telling us that we can handle things for one more day/week/month, as long as we get the thing we crave.

And once you've looked at the effect it's having, you and your confidant can decide what, if anything, you want/need to do about it and then go from there.

Good luck!
 

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Alcoholism and anxiety go hand in hand. It is not exactly the most healthy way to go about overcoming SA, though. If there is a constant craving and withdrawal thing going on, then it could be a problem.

This is at least worth a mention to your doctor. Let him determine if it is a problem.
 

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Chimpoleon
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291 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
1. You feel guilty about your drinking. 2. You can't get through a workday without drinking. 3. Miseducation/justification of drinking. As someone already said, you do not have to be drunk all the time to be an alcoholic.
Thanks for the information, but I just want to clarify:
1) I don't feel guilty about it, i only hide it because I like my job and would rather not get fired :) Why can't we live in the 60's and drink like Mad Men :b

2) I can/do get through workdays fine without drinking, it's just some days when I get bored/anxious out of my mind, I get liquor -- I'd say it's maybe twice a week max, and it's not even a craving type situation, it's just, more of a "meh, nothing else to do" So it's not a daily thing, and I don't think it would turn into that.

3) thanks for the info
 
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