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Hi guys, my first post here and its a little bit long so bear with me.


I was 15 when i moved to the UK. English is a 2nd language to me. When i went to school, I couldnt even talk to people because of language barrier. So i kept to myself. I spoke to no one. I was called 'iceman' for never showing emotions.
2 years of complete silence did more psychological damage than it would have at any other stage of my life. In those 2 years i got lost in the world of internet friendship and relations that didnt get me anywhere.
In year 3 i completely picked up the local accent and i started to speak just like everyone else. During that time i started to tag along with a group of "misfits" at school and they became friends. That said, i was stuck with those friends till the end of school. I wanted to move up the social ladder n befriend 'cooler' people, it never happened.
By the end of school, i was a loser, with no real friends, and no motive in life. My english teacher thought i wouldnt make it or "get very far in life" (yes these r her exact words).

We fast forward 5 years, i am nothing i would be ashamed of.

With an unconditional offer from a uni of my choice for dentistry, i know i have a successful career ahead of me. I am one of the fittest guys at gym, and my MMA instructor has told me i have potential to fight in the cage. I have dated 2 10/10 girls over the last 2 years and i have been asked out by 5 decent looking ones that i turned down. I have a job that pays me well enough to buy my own 07 bmw, rent my own flat, buy myself a 52 inch plasma tv and the little gadgets here n there (all happened over a few years). To summarize it all, without bragging i am what a lot of people would love to be. And i have worked for every single bit of it.

The problem however is, i still cant seem to "connect" with people to this day. I have achieved everything a man could achieve on his own. But things like nights out, birthday parties, and house parties are still alien to me.

I work in a supermarket these days. At work i dont know whether i should say anything to a colleague (that i often talk to) who is walkin past me and i have already spoken to them 5 mins ago. I tend to smile the 2nd time i c them. Then i walk past them the third time, and the 4th time and the 5th time and by now i have no idea whether i should keep smiling at them every time like a weirdo, or be rude n just ignore them (does anybody know what to do in those situations?)

There are moments when i have a perfect exchange of words with a male or female colleague, i make them laugh n move on. N then there are times when they just dont know wtf i am on and the weird eye contact thing happens i look away n its just awkward n we start to avoid eachother.

I made 3 new friends at uni who also had social problems of their own hence why we became friends as they also were the misfits. But together we have achieved success and i am what i am mostly because of them.

When i am around these guys or long term contacts i have made through them, i feel perfectly normal. Generally on my own, i am happy and satisfied with who i am. But i also feel that void in my personality and that feeling gets stronger during social situations when i fail to make a connection with someone. I cant go to parties because i cant initiate conversation with strangers unless i am with somebody already. I have a fear of being seen as a loner. I can NEVER have a conversation with a group even if i was a part of it.
Deep down, i feel like i am missing a very crucial part of myself. A very important social skill that i cant afford to not have. And i just dont know what to do. Self analysis tells me this might be because of the language barrier. As i didnt grow up in this country i dont know the basics of communication. My accent is perfect, but my vocabulary isnt very broad so i tend to use different combination of very limited words over n over again.
This is the first time i have ever let this out but as long as it brings a solution to my problem, i think its worth it.

Any suggestions, comments, advice would be welcome. Thanks for reading through my short story.
 

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I think if people give you that wtf are you on look they are idiots and probably not worth being friends with. You are definatly a cool weirdo even if you just have those few friends that are misfits those are the people who will be true friends. I am sure you must be confident for comming as far as you have with schooling don't let those simple minded people get you down they are shallow.
 

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Im very curious: How did you have such a successful career while suffering from SA? It seems like a lot of people here struggle immensely in the workforce because of their SA. I know that I have been having a terrible time trying to get a job partially because of SA, among other reasons.
 

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I have also been very successful on the business side of things, but a big flop socially. I think its much easier on the business side of things since its more structured and its easier to talk shop on what you know. Being able to socialize with people outside of work is a skill, and one I have not learned. Mostly due to being a loner as a child and most of my life.
 

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I have also been very successful on the business side of things, but a big flop socially. I think its much easier on the business side of things since its more structured and its easier to talk shop on what you know. Being able to socialize with people outside of work is a skill, and one I have not learned. Mostly due to being a loner as a child and most of my life.
That is very true. If you were to try and make small talk with me I would probably fail miserably, but if you were say to ask me about a product or something with a definitive answer I could help.

The other day someone randomly held up two paintings to me and asked which one I liked better. I gave a very precise answer about how their too different to be compared and it would completely depend on my mood, and I instead described the mood of each piece separately instead of comparing them. And I think I sounded fairly confident when I spoke to them.

But it seems like you need at least certain amount of social skills when it comes to trying to GET a job. Like going in to meet the manager like everyone tells me to do really gets me choked up. I'm probably overthinking it though. I mean I'm not trying to start a successful career, all I want is a small part-time job to help me get through college and whatnot.

And sorry if I'm dragging the subject away from the original post.
 
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