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Loner
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384 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi, I am new here. I have social phobia since childhood and its killing me am becoming insane. I have no social life, am sitting in 4 corners of my room all the day and now i have turned nocturnal.

I am 22 male from India so pls forgive me for my poor english skills as i speak\write 4 other languages. Am so damn frustrated and depressed i feel theres no way out..

I never had gf or even good frends, during childhood i was treated badly by my parents. During my teenage years too my parents and my church treated me very badly just because i didnt agree with their fundie religious view of life. I will never forget the mental torture inflicted on me :(

I have one brother, he is very social and is enjoying his life an am getting rotten here. I was always criticized, ridiculed and made to feel guilty and always lived in perpetual depression and guilt during my entire childhood and teenage years... and now my social phobia is killing me. I dont even get out of house

I tried sucide but failed. I feel like looser now, even though i have acheived more than my frends and brother in academics and music. I play lead guitar in local heavy metal band, but because of my social anxiety i didnt give my band what they call "stage presence" and they all got pissed off... i was shaking with fear during my performance.

I am extremly depressed with this lonely life in **** third world country. I think am becoming insane cause since past 1 week i have started torturing pigeons until they bleed. I stay with my parents, i dont have job now and they will never understand my "social phobia" they will just ridicule me

I feel am result of bad parenting. In early school days i wasnt like this and now am extremly anxious about social situtations, depressed and sadistic.

I hope my insanity and frustration wont lead me to kill my parents or go on killing random people

and sorry for ranting..
 

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unashamed perv
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1,786 Posts
Hello from a fellow metalhead :) Your english is very good! Sorry you're feeling down, I hope things look up for you soon. Please don't hurt people or animals. Think about how they feel, try to put yourself in their position. Sorry you've been messed up by your parents, I was too, a bit. maybe try to let go of the resentment you appear to feel? It may be justified, but it won't help you, it'll just hold you back, make you feel worse. Good luck.
 

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Loner
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384 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
thanks for the kind words Madison and glad to know you are metalhead too. I feel bad after hurting pigeon but during that time i was out of control, i was kind of "high" in depression and frustration.

I am trying my best to improve my social anxiety problm. Am glad to find this forums
 

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Banned
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Hey deadwarrior666 welcome. :)
 

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:wel
 

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Hi deadwarrior666 :wel

'I play lead guitar in local heavy metal band' Very cool !
I did lyrics & vocals for songs briefly many many years ago in a heavy metal garage band & just starting to learn guitar now.

I have some similar childhood anger & frustrations/societal anger & frustrations. Suicidal thoughts/social anxiety/depression, etc.

I hope you can find an outlet(perhaps your music) & a happier life.

Anyways best wishes & hope to see you around here.
 

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immortal in the making
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for someone who claims to not be that good at english, i found that really easy to read :)
i too used to be in a band. i played rhythm guitar. our music was heavy, but also mellow ;) ish. my SA wasnt too bad at the time, but my shyness was too great to talk into a mic. but i always tried to channel anything bad in my life through the music. and although my stage presence wasnt BRILLIANT, it was only second to the singer. and he was MUCH more confident than myself. i just reminded myself that people are there because they want to see you play. and they obviously enjoy it. so enjoy it with them! i loved it. no matter how shy i felt initially. but above all, if you are having fun, and the crowd enjoys the music, they love it even more if you make yourself look like you are enjoying it too!! it takes practice, and time. but it's possible.
i've forgotten what else i was going to say, but something i can say, is, it's only once you know what the problem is, that you can fix it. and you are definately not oblivious to what your problem is. so now you can start to do something about it :)
i hope you find the help you need here :)
 

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Welcome, DeadWarrior666! :)
 

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If you are a Richard Dawkins fan, I'm assuming you are an atheist. That cannot be very comfortable if you were raised in a religious family.

I don't know anything about the mental health treatment system in India - but if you are actively injuring animals (and thinking about hurting people) I think you need help - the sooner, the better.

It sounds like you are hurting terribly inside, and maybe a competent mental professional can help you with that pain.

GOOD LUCK!!
 
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