Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
63 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,
Sorry for not introducing myself in the other forum section, but I'm bad at introductions. I'm 22, and I've had social anxiety for about 6 years now, but since my girlfriend left me a year and a half ago it feels like it's gotten progressively worse. It hasn't, I just lost the one person I ever spent any time with.
For the most part I'm ok with my life. I made my bed, I know that, and I don't blame anyone else for me having to sleep in it. I lock myself away in my bedroom when I'm at home, and when I'm outside I lock myself away behind a shy version of myself. I fantasise, a lot, I guess it's my mind's way of making up for the lack of social interaction. I have whole relationships based on a small amount of eye contact I make with a girl on the bus. My trips to college at the moment are probably the peak of my social interaction. I see people who regularly catch the same bus as me. There are some attractive girls, a couple who date and work together, some school kids who remind me of me at that age. I don't talk to them, I wouldn't dare (who does? on the bus?), but just seeing them every day makes me feel less insecure.
I'm extremely shallow. The quality of my day, for the most part, depends on how people have looked at me. If I get smiles from strangers, I feel confident, and I think confidently, until I get a frown, or even a neutral look. Immediately then I am thrown into self doubt, I have to check shop windows just to see what's so horrifically wrong with my appearance. I then think of all the people who I see checking out themselves in shop windows, and realise I look like them, I am them, and I hate myself.
When life is going well, I listen to music I like, watch films I like, read books I like. When life is going well, doing these things alone doesn't feel so bad. When it's going poorly, these things just aren't enough.
I have no real friends, because the friends I have I doubt constantly. I never invite them out, for fear of rejection, and yet I wonder why they never invite me out. Maybe they do hate me, maybe they don't, I'll never know because I never try to find out.
I fall in love every time I see a girl who doesn't immediately dismiss me. I confuse pity with love.

I'm sorry for the long post, I'm pretty depressed.
I was chatting to a girl I met online and my mood lifted so dramatically, all I could think of when I came down was how starved of human contact I am to find such a small amount of attention to be so exhilarating. I know that girls don't find desperation attractive, but how can I mask something that is so true.

Some days my loneliness defines me, it aids me and enriches my life, other days I see nothing but darkness in it and I really just want to end it.
Is anyone else lonely?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
177,223 Posts
Hey semidetached, welcome to :sas

I'm very lonely, I haven't had real life friends in 12 years now and only one online friend. Boredom pretty much defines my days as I don't get out of the house very much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
I understand exactly how you feel. I am so starved for the attention of a woman that I have fallen in love with the secretary here at work. It's because I can hear her laughing every day and it makes me feel like there's hope even for a second. Of course then I do nothing about it. I tell myself that work is not the place to find dates. lol Find dates. Never been on a "date" in my life. Never walked up to a complete stranger and asked her name. Wouldn't know how. That's probably why I am so attached to this girl at work. I always have some reason not to ask her out. Even though she as much as told me she would say yes, I still couldn't do it.
I don't have any advice for you, brother. Just know you're not the only one.
Oh God, she's laughing again... sigh...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,880 Posts
Hi,
Sorry for not introducing myself in the other forum section, but I'm bad at introductions. I'm 22, and I've had social anxiety for about 6 years now, but since my girlfriend left me a year and a half ago it feels like it's gotten progressively worse. It hasn't, I just lost the one person I ever spent any time with.
For the most part I'm ok with my life. I made my bed, I know that, and I don't blame anyone else for me having to sleep in it. I lock myself away in my bedroom when I'm at home, and when I'm outside I lock myself away behind a shy version of myself. I fantasise, a lot, I guess it's my mind's way of making up for the lack of social interaction. I have whole relationships based on a small amount of eye contact I make with a girl on the bus. My trips to college at the moment are probably the peak of my social interaction. I see people who regularly catch the same bus as me. There are some attractive girls, a couple who date and work together, some school kids who remind me of me at that age. I don't talk to them, I wouldn't dare (who does? on the bus?), but just seeing them every day makes me feel less insecure.
I'm extremely shallow. The quality of my day, for the most part, depends on how people have looked at me. If I get smiles from strangers, I feel confident, and I think confidently, until I get a frown, or even a neutral look. Immediately then I am thrown into self doubt, I have to check shop windows just to see what's so horrifically wrong with my appearance. I then think of all the people who I see checking out themselves in shop windows, and realise I look like them, I am them, and I hate myself.
When life is going well, I listen to music I like, watch films I like, read books I like. When life is going well, doing these things alone doesn't feel so bad. When it's going poorly, these things just aren't enough.
I have no real friends, because the friends I have I doubt constantly. I never invite them out, for fear of rejection, and yet I wonder why they never invite me out. Maybe they do hate me, maybe they don't, I'll never know because I never try to find out.
I fall in love every time I see a girl who doesn't immediately dismiss me. I confuse pity with love.

I'm sorry for the long post, I'm pretty depressed.
I was chatting to a girl I met online and my mood lifted so dramatically, all I could think of when I came down was how starved of human contact I am to find such a small amount of attention to be so exhilarating. I know that girls don't find desperation attractive, but how can I mask something that is so true.

Some days my loneliness defines me, it aids me and enriches my life, other days I see nothing but darkness in it and I really just want to end it.
Is anyone else lonely?
Ok what you describe is a mindset that is punctured in all sorts of areas. Alot of the problems rely and feed on eachother, like falling in love if not immediately dismissed, with lack of social interaction and paranoia about what your friends really think of you.

It's a cycle, but it can be broken. The way to break it is to work on yourself first, by really analysing what you are, how you are, and fix your mindset so that you can go about your life with a more moderate outlook as regards social interactions and the ups and downs that come with your perceptions of the happenings of any particular day.

Then, once you're in the habit of thinking more normally, you will become more normal (because your abnormal/paranoid thought processes affect your mood/outlook/mindset/fundamentally who you are at the present). It's a slow and gradual process, but definitely possible.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
63 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Ok what you describe a mindset that is punctured in all sorts of areas. Alot of the problems rely and feed on eachother, like falling in love if not immediately dismissed, with lack of social interaction and paranoia about what your friends really tink of you.

It's a cycle, but it can be broken. The way to break it is to work on yourself first, by really analysing what you are, how you are, and fix your mindset so that you can go about your life with a more moderate outlook as regards social interactions and the ups and downs that come with your perceptions of any particular day.

Then, once you're in the habit of thinking more normally, you will become more normal (because your abnormal/paranoid thought processes affect your mood/outlook/mindset/fundamentally who you are at the present). It's a slow and gradual process, but definitely possible.
I've been to CBT, read a lot of self help books, tried all the meds my doctor could offer me. I'm not saying I can't be fixed, I'm just saying that realistically speaking I'm not going to get better any time soon. My current therapist keeps telling me horrid clichés like "2 steps forward, 1 step back", and I know she's right, but the thing is that she really isn't helping me deal with this feeling of being so near the bottom of that flight of stairs. That frustrating feeling of seeing yourself take those 2 beautiful steps, showing yourself how you can do it, how you aren't a failure, and then watching yourself step back again. These feelings really hurt.
 

·
For Fox Sake
Joined
·
797 Posts
i feel that my life is based on eating sleeping tv computer games and internet being lost in having something to occupy my mind. when im outside and see pretty women i wish i had the ability to attract one for myself but with no social skills or employment or self confidence that will sadly never be the case:afr
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,880 Posts
I've been to CBT, read a lot of self help books, tried all the meds my doctor could offer me. I'm not saying I can't be fixed, I'm just saying that realistically speaking I'm not going to get better any time soon. My current therapist keeps telling me horrid clichés like "2 steps forward, 1 step back", and I know she's right, but the thing is that she really isn't helping me deal with this feeling of being so near the bottom of that flight of stairs. That frustrating feeling of seeing yourself take those 2 beautiful steps, showing yourself how you can do it, how you aren't a failure, and then watching yourself step back again. These feelings really hurt.
cbt or w/e migt not help u. SAD is a really broad thing, it's more of an umbrella term than a specific condition so what works for other ppl might have no relevance to you...

Im just saying analyse your mindset and try to see it from a wider perspective. In society, what are you? How does the way you think about things and react to certain situations (like a wink or eye contact), compare to how everyone else reacts to these things? It's about realising that your whole mindset is skewed, and working on changing the way you think through an HONEST and potentially emotionally PAINFUL realisation of what you are.

And then changing it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
20 Posts
Hi, OP here, didn't realise you couldn't have more than one account on this forum and so naturally I was banned before I got a chance to thank all who replied. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way, and thanks Michael for the advice. I know how to progress from here, my only query was how to deal with that sense of dread when you're at the bottom and you know you've got a while to wait.
Thanks all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Your life is what it is theres no point in trying to change it, I'm not saying that you were made social anxious for a reason, You just were, And you have to accept that that will never change, And you will spend your life alone....Once you accept that things get easier
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
This is the time when making yourself get out is imperative. I know it's hard to push yourself especially when you are depressed but it's usually the time when you need to get out of the house the most. Even if it's for a walk around your neighborhood. Isolation just makes things feel worse.

I have found that accepting the setbacks along with the strides in the goal achieving process can make things less disappointing when it happens again in the future. Knowing that it will probably happen again can make those hard times feel a little less detrimental to your overall progress each time you seem to slide backward.

Feeling alone can really suck so keep interacting on whatever level you can to keep from being swallowed by depression.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top