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This is my first post here but lately I'm starting to freak out a bit about my fertility. I want to have kids (it's one of my life's dreams) but the possibilities of starting a family are getting slim.

I feel like I f--ked up in my life... I took too long to start working, took too long to go through school, I took too long to start dating, and now, classmates from HS are already married and/or had kids. I feel like the turtle who's probably never going to reach the finish line.

Seriously, I don't know how it happened but around 27, I started SERIOUSLY thinking about marriage, my future, and when my boyfriend might pop the question. At 28, another switch flipped and I started looking at kids and wanting to start a family... SOON. I can't believe it but I'm slightly freaking out my fertility.

It's kind of funny (or sad) because when I remember how old I am... I start thinking "tick tick tick tock tick tock tick tock"... haha, and then I'm waiting for a "ding" but that's not gonna happen for at least a few years.

It also doesn't help when I find out my ex-boyfriends *who are only in their early 30s* end up dating (and/or marrying) girls who almost a decade younger than they are. I feel tossed aside and old even though I still pass for 19-23.

Does anyone feel the same way or you're just not feeling it? I'm looking to hear life stories from the wiser crowd. :)
 

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Well if you make enough money, you can have a kid without a husband. I'd like to get married in the next few years but I have zero interest in kids. Cats are more my thing. I loooooooove cats. And they are much cheaper, require much less care than kids, and stay cute forever. Plus, I think the world is overpopulated.

When do you feel tossed aside? Are you getting rejected for your age?
 

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I think you're catastrophizing your situation. Sure, you might be past your peak fertility years, but that does not mean you'll never have kids. Many women are having babies well into their late thirties, even early forties. 30 is still young. Carpe diem.
 

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onigiri -

that's silliness. the likelihood for high-risk pregnancies doesn't get significant for women until they're like 34 or 35, and even then it's not a certainty - women DO have babies well into their 40s. you said you're "almost 30," which denotes a max age of 29, so you've got five or six years to (if you want to) meet a fella, fall in love, do the marriage bit and start having kids without an even remotely risky pregnancy. five or six years seems like it's right around the corner, but my wife and i went from meeting for the first time to having a baby in three years and we never rushed it.

in the MEANTIME, if you don't mind me saying, you're at a really hot age. men your age who are smart enough to be looking for stability and a WOMAN - not girl - are going to have someone your age in their sights. you're not "too old" for this or that, and you're not too young for anything.

so get out there and flaunt them good looks, girl!
 

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I've known since I was 17 (before the onset of my SA) that I didn't want children so whilst I can't relate to that desire personally I do know of a lesbian couple in their late 20's that just recently became pregnant on the 4th try. The first 3 times with one of them failed but the other half of the relationship got pregnant on the first go, so it can go either way.

To my knowledge pregnancy difficulty mostly comes down to genetics so if the females in your family get pregnant easily chances are you will too.

Also, my Mum works with a woman who just got pregnant with her second at 31 years of age (her first was at 29) so it's not necessarily over for you yet and like Knowbody mentioned, adoption is always an option if all else fails.
 

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I feel like I f--ked up in my life... I took too long to start working, took too long to go through school, I took too long to start dating, and now, classmates from HS are already married and/or had kids. I feel like the turtle who's probably never going to reach the finish line.
....

It's kind of funny (or sad) because when I remember how old I am... I start thinking "tick tick tick tock tick tock tick tock"... haha, and then I'm waiting for a "ding" but that's not gonna happen for at least a few years.
This is me as well. I feel pressure to check things off a timeline within the next couple of years, even when I don't want those things anytime soon. Like, I'd prefer to get married closer to 35, yet feel terrible that I'm 28 and haven't been proposed to yet. It's so dumb that I feel that way.

I'm too young for the ticking "biological clock." My panic comes from the culture telling women that 30 is the expiration date for our desirability.
 

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My ex tried to almost scare me into having a baby, by saying things get more complicated and risky after 30. When the reality is that it CAN get complicated, but usually you are ok. It can get complicated with anyone at any age regardless. I understand what you are saying though. At 27, the nurture attack hit me hard. At 28, i really liked the idea and from then on i've always wanted one in the back of my head. In reality, i can barely take care of myself right now. I'm just not going to do that to my child. If i have to, i'll adopt later in life or go the baby on a dish route ;)
 

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How does one find women like you (OP)? I've tried looking on dating sites but no luck. I happen to like older women (I'm 34 myself) and I've heard there's a lot of women like yourself out there but I never come across them. They're always already married, in a relationship with kids, or wayyy too far away.

Just my luck, probably. :p
 

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I am looking for 30+ women....someday soon. :lol
 

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If it makes you feel any better I am not even trying to find dates let alone getting married to younger women.

I think you're catastrophizing your situation. Sure, you might be past your peak fertility years, but that does not mean you'll never have kids. Many women are having babies well into their late thirties, even early forties. 30 is still young. Carpe diem.
Really? Did you really say this? Are you serious bro?

I can't speak for other men but for me I don't feel worthy of being with women my age. I feel as though they want a man with a good career, good steady income and well-educated. I've not get any of those requirements yet. Plus, mentally I'm still stuck in the 18-22 stage.

Here's a thread I made yesterday about how out-of-place I am being an adult.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/nothing-to-talk-about-and-no-place-to-go-155003/
I can relate to this. Also, given my level of experience as well I don't think I would have anything in common with a female in and around my age. What this means I dunno, but I think I have more in common with a 23 year old female than I do a 30 year old.
 

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Indeed i am. It is a scientific fact that a woman's fertility starts declining in her mid to late 20s. Look it up.
You need to learn how to talk to women...

 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I think you're catastrophizing your situation. Sure, you might be past your peak fertility years, but that does not mean you'll never have kids. Many women are having babies well into their late thirties, even early forties. 30 is still young. Carpe diem.
It's true that women are having babies when they're much older. However, the idea of me having a kid that old and then being 60 to see them graduate from college does not seem that appealing... and then waiting until I'm 70+ to see them get married is a little scary.

I like the idea of having a kid around 30-32 because I'll still be young enough to chase them through the kitchen with flour in my hands as the kids laugh because their mummy and daddy are so hilarious.... and participate in water balloon fights before my back, knees or whatever else gives out when you start getting older. Also, I'll be strong enough to take the family camping, hikes and everything. At 40, it's not so easy to chase a kid around who's 2 or 3 years old. Plus, I guess I always like the idea of giving them piggy back rides and having my husband and I hold a kid's hands and swing them around or something fun. It's just much easier when you're younger.

I also want to stick around as much as possible to eventually see grandkids, see them become better than me, do more than I did, save lives, be SUPER wonderful people, and live fantastic lives and solve complex problems to help people.

A little much? Probably. Haha... a girl can dream.
 
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