Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been asked out by a couple of people recently and, despite finding them reasonably attractive, I turned both of them down. Why? I was afraid of the responsiblity of maintaining a relationship - the thought of running out of things to say after a few weeks and taking them out places scares the pants off me. Hence, I've never asked someone out myself. Anyone else have this difficulty?
 

·
ISFJ
Joined
·
1,473 Posts
I like relationships for about a year, then the commitment aspect kicks in and I get all freaked out. I'm not a fan of responsibility either.

It take two to create and maintained a relationship though. The responsibility isn't yours to bear alone.
 

·
Doing my best
Joined
·
301 Posts
i'm afraid i have nothing to offer anyone else on a daily basis right now. i still need to get my feet on the ground and feel like i can take care of myself before i add another person. but i like relationships. i'm good in ones where the other person is pretty self-sufficient and i don't have to be there for them every day. i look forward to being able to handle the bigger stuff, just not now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
110 Posts
Well it makes sense that you want to get back on your feet before adding another person to your life.. that would just make things more complicated then they already are. Once that happens I'm sure you'll make someone happy :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,672 Posts
I'm scared that the girl will get bored of me after five minutes, also a lot of guys i worked with were cheated on by their long term girlfriends, so i'm scared of that happening.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,875 Posts
I'm scared that the girl will get bored of me after five minutes, also a lot of guys i worked with were cheated on by their long term girlfriends, so i'm scared of that happening.
That's completely understandable, trust me I know where you're coming from. But one day you're going to look back and hate yourself for not taking the risk.
 

·
SAS Member
Joined
·
31,286 Posts
I feel the same way. The other day I was at Target, and I walked by this girl who almost stopped me in my tracks from being so attractive. I was really close to saying something, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because she looked well kept and had things going for her, and I thought of what I would have to offer her which wouldn't be much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
604 Posts
Yes I have the same problem. The root of my issue I think is trust. I have no trust in guys. I find them all to be untrustworthy and insincere. I'm totally dysfunctional when it comes to guys. I don't have a favorable view of them and have turned down countless people because of it.

I’m never sure that a person will understand my sentiments or sensibilities. They might not be understanding and not value the same things as me. I have so much self doubt, little confidence, unbelievable insecurity I just don’t know I can handle it. I am scared I might not be able to devote the time and energy it takes to built one. I’m emotionally drained from dealing with myself I can’t imagine being emotionally there for someone else. I also can’t adjust having someone else in my life. It’s a strange concept for me. I would feel like I’m losing control of my life. Not to mention I can’t balance my family with my love life. I would rather not deal with any of the pain and heartache relationships entail. Oh another issue is that I’m not realistic about relationships so how the heck can I be in one? It’s too much trouble, too much pressure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
425 Posts
Well you have to be honest in due time, so I feel like I can't be totally honest and tell a girl about my past, my troubles, etc because I don't want to appear weak
 

·
Done with SA
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
I have that same problem.
I'm afraid of, I guess, falling too deep, as they say. I've seen too many relationships go down the tubes. Currently, a friend is going through some things with a guy. Seems like their relationship went from perfect to pretty much over overnight and now she's devastated over it. I don't want to feel that.
Then, there is the maintenance of the relationship. The togetherness, the trust, the intimacy. I wonder if I can deal with it, seriously.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
I tend to not be afraid of relationships; mostly the opposite. I would find myself in the midst of them not knowing how they happened or giving it much thought. The emotional attachment on my part was relatively weak, which was fortunate because the others were usually unsuitable partners or users. Perhaps that is partly why I could not become emotionally attached to them.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
177,223 Posts
I've been asked out by a couple of people recently and, despite finding them reasonably attractive, I turned both of them down. Why? I was afraid of the responsiblity of maintaining a relationship - the thought of running out of things to say after a few weeks and taking them out places scares the pants off me. Hence, I've never asked someone out myself. Anyone else have this difficulty?
I feel the same way, I'd love to be in a relationship but the thought of all the little crap that goes into maintaining one kinda scares me. I haven't had any opportunities for a relationship in a while but I think if I did I'd probably go for it despite my fears. You gotta face your fears once in a while or you'll just stay stuck where you are and that scares me more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Relationships

I have a hard time trusting guys. I find them some of them to be untrustworthy and insincere. I don't have a favorable view of them and have turned down a few because of my trust issues. I am just now learning to give guys chances.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
I think expectation is at the heart of the problem. Because, people build models of what to expect in a relationship from their past relationships with others (not necessarily gf/bfs). If you see your potential role in a relationship as being inferior or not worthy of attention then you feel you might as well not bother. But just like anxiety, I think you need to challenge the expectation element to it.

For example, if it's a new person, then you shouldn't be expecting much at all. We are pretty different with each person we interact with anyway. We aren't this constant "me" form which is static and unchangeable. That fact gives one less thing to worry about because it means the expectations are not rational.

To challenge the expectation of the relationship you could possibily change how you think about it. For example, this is my chance to mould my self into what/who I want to be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Trust

Hello all, I'm new to this site.

In regards to the post, I have no CLUE what components make a relationship with me in it. I find reading about relationships and love interesting, but I keep myself far from them because I fear that after I decide to trust someone, some failure or abandonment will occur after some time.
 

·
In Repair
Joined
·
196 Posts
I'm scared that the girl will get bored of me after five minutes, also a lot of guys i worked with were cheated on by their long term girlfriends, so i'm scared of that happening.
I'm the same. I feel like there's nothing about me to keep a guy interested. And it seems like all my friends are getting cheated on by their boyfriends and husbands and even though I want to be in a relationship, a huge part of me is too afraid to even bother. I mean, if guys will cheat on my beautiful, confident girlfriends, then they'll sure as heck cheat on a messed up chick like me, ya know?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
515 Posts
I'm afraid of relationships but no-one who knows me understands. I just can't see myself in one, and really doubt I could maintain one either. I'm scared of 'baring' my soul to someone, I like to keep everything unknown so even my friends don't know much about me or how I feel etc.

And the thought of being with a guy is just scary! It f*cking doesn't help when my housemate/best friend does it so easily and has the guy over so much now, that it's feeling like she's teasing me (although it probably isn't and she doesn't know how it makes me feel)

I'm not very good at trusting people either, I'd never tell my innermost feelings to any of my friends even ones I consider close juts because when I have before, the information has been told to someone else or passed around like chinese whispers... Nothing is ever SECRET anymore! GRRR!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
Yes, I have the same problem. I always hear "Why on Earth is such a pretty girl like you still single?" and things like that. There really is no easy answer. I get offers all the time but I cannot bring myself to go out and date. I do not like going out and doing things. Most dates are surrounded by some sort of social activity, dinner and a movie. It's out of the question. I've been on a few dates and the guy really gets upset if we go out to dinner and I won't have anything. I don't want to say it's because of my SAD because I'm embarrassed by it. I also don't want to sit there with my stomach growling either lol it's a lose lose situation really. Not only do I have SAD to contend with but some pretty bad body image issues as well which is a recipe for disaster. Extroverted people really just do not understand what this is like and never will. I accepted it a long time ago that I am more than likely going to be alone for the rest of my life and I'm working on being okay with that.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top