Joined
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85 Posts
Ok,here I go.I hope everything comes out right.I'm just going to spill it out and let everyone decide.I don't know if this is an addiction,disorder,or part of SA.
I fear I can't trust myself around men.I fear in the right situation I will give it up just becuase they want me too.I would not be glad if I did.Why would I do that when I'm happy with my man and my son.The SA keeps this from happening.My soon to be husband knows about this new realization.I don't know if this is the reason for my SA.Maybe its part of it.My man doesn't have friends over because for one thing he doesn't trust any man,and he knows he can't trust me.
Its a horrible realization.I go from thinking thats just the way it is,to trying to take it back and deny it becuase I can't handle the thought that I would actually reck my family for nothing.Am I just bad?God I hope not.I still have the rest of my life to live.Whats that going to be like?Am i just going to hurt and leave behind more people I love as soon as I get alittle confidence back and am able to be around people again?!Maybe I don't want the SA to go away.Sorry about the rant and the spelling.
I fear I can't trust myself around men.I fear in the right situation I will give it up just becuase they want me too.I would not be glad if I did.Why would I do that when I'm happy with my man and my son.The SA keeps this from happening.My soon to be husband knows about this new realization.I don't know if this is the reason for my SA.Maybe its part of it.My man doesn't have friends over because for one thing he doesn't trust any man,and he knows he can't trust me.
Its a horrible realization.I go from thinking thats just the way it is,to trying to take it back and deny it becuase I can't handle the thought that I would actually reck my family for nothing.Am I just bad?God I hope not.I still have the rest of my life to live.Whats that going to be like?Am i just going to hurt and leave behind more people I love as soon as I get alittle confidence back and am able to be around people again?!Maybe I don't want the SA to go away.Sorry about the rant and the spelling.