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Alright, hmm... Life story. I'm a talented musician. Plagued by social anxiety/phobia/whatever you wanna call it/monstrosity for years. Great looking, intelligent, funny, and kind. Nobody sees that side of me, of course, because I am unable to show anybody that side of myself.

Not too long ago, I took a "leap of faith" and tried to talk to a girl I really liked. I was able to sit next to her at a table of friends during school lunch; I was able to ask a few questions, though I mostly sat in uncomfortable silence, asking myself, "WHY IS THIS SO HARD! I WANNA DIE!!"

It didn't go well, she hates me now because she thinks I'm a creep or something. I really took a blow to my already-awful self-esteem that day.

I am plagued by this monstrosity on a daily basis, having often resorted to cutting as a result of my self-hatred. I have already made progress to rid myself of the cutting, and got some guts for those rare social situations, but my self-esteem is still crappy and I am still miserable and calling for someone's help!
 

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Banned
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Hey Kaito, welcome to :sas
 

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Cheap, fast, good-pick 2
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You'll find more advice in other sections like frustration or coping with SA... first step section is best to just say hello. We know how you feel. The good thing is you sound very brave for talking to that girl, lots of us here wouldn't be able to do that. Managing to sit by all her friends too? props.

I think you should get help with your emotions... it's hard when you're 18 to actually know what's going on emotionally and being able to handle it... luckily there are counselors that you can talk to if you're using self-injury to escape. I'm open to chat, message me if it will help
 

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"It didn't go well, she hates me now because she thinks I'm a creep or something."

fortune telling - I'm good at that too.

Do you have some one to talk to about this stuff in real life? There is a lot of resources out there for self esteem maybe have a look and some cbt methods might help you in approaching girls.
 

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Foot through door
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Welcome Black Star!

One thing that came as a real shock to me was realizing that the thoughts and conclusions I come to during and following a social encounter are, for the most part, bull-****. They are skewered and biased as a result of my habitual thought patterns. Realizing this has done nothing to prevent my coming to these conclusions, but it is at least a little comforting to know that others may not see it quite the way I assume they do.

Stick around, it can only get better.
 

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Welcome, BlackStar! :)
 
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