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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Bare with me please: it may be long.
Me and my partner have been together for almost 5 years and are engaged. He's in the military and away often. I have general anxiety and social anxiety. In my hometown I have barely any true friends and due to us being posted every few years and my sad I find it so hard to go to interviews and meet new friends. He's the complete opposite of me, the life of the party, loud and almost completely emotionless. He doesn't get stressed at all, which is good sometimes when I overreact he tend to calm me by not caring. And I tend to think to myself, well he doesn't care so why should I? The downside is though, last wednesday while he was away, I had a mental breakdown and tried to crash my car into a tree. I'm on medication now, and am feeling much better but I feel like emotionally he wasn't there for me. He couldve come home at any time but chose not to, instead choosing to finish the army course. The day after I was admitted into hospital he was out drinking with his mates and playing poker. I don't want to be pitied or made to feel inferior, but I felt like I was put last on his priorities? Suffering with anxiety, should I expect more emotional support within my relationship? Or am I overreacting? I'd like some advice please. X
 

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poison apple
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You're not overreacting. He should have been there for you.

When you say he calms you by not caring, do you mean that he treats what you are going through and your feelings with indifference?

I don't know him, or enough about this relationship, to give you any definitive advice. But based on what you have written here, you definitely deserve better treatment than that.

Personally, if I was with a guy who went out drinking and playing poker the day after I had tried to kill myself, I wouldn't hesitate to show him the door.

Everyone deserves to be with a partner who makes them their top priority and is there for them in their time of need. If you look at your time with him objectively and feel that you are not getting that, then I would say that it's time to move on and find someone who will give you what you need.
 

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(>'-')>&#9829;<('-'<)
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You seem to be emotionally dependent on him, you being an independent full grown adult, maybe I am wrong on this but honest, did you crash your car because he wasn't there with you? I can tell you're screaming out for help and attention, but you are also going for professional help and that's a good step. In addition and most importantly, he shouldn't have been out, but should have stayed with you and supported you, did you talk to him about this, what did he say?

I don't know the whole story, ultimately it's your decision of what's working for you or not
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I appreciate the honesty from both of you. One thing I didn't mention is the fact that it happened when he was on another army course. Emotionally he could be there for me, physically he couldn't. No I never crashed my car on purpose to get attention from him. I was completely overwhelmed and my stress and pain levels had me feeling like I just wasn't able to cope with anything anymore. For the first time ever i was starting to get panic attacks at work, my best and only friend of mine was acting like a dog to me, and I felt like I had nothing worth going for in my life. No friends, family etc. I'd just had enough. I never told him I was going to do it and he only found out after I was in the hospital. I have spoken to him about it, and he apologized and says he's sorry he's been such a **** boyfriend and he's happy with how things are heading because we are communicating more. Yes I maybe emotionally dependent on him a little but in the last 2 years since enlistment, he's been on about 6 months of courses and another 4 months in Afghanistan. So, I can't be too emotionally dependent on him anyway, when half the time he's never around. He does treat my feelings with indifference most of the time, but that could also be due to his time in the Ghan because he still has post traumatic every now and then. He says things like, when you see people being blown up in front of you the little things don't matter. He is in councilling for that though. He also tells me he loves me dearly and if I were to say the word he'd leave the army. But then I'm too blame when he loses his job and then I feel like it shouldn't be my choice anyway. I'm all very confused about it all. We are usually a happy go lucky couple, and really do love each other dearly, but my anxiety has been making me feel like maybe I need more then this. In 2 weeks we're going away for 3 weeks back home to be around the closest people in our life, I'm hoping it'll give me a new outlook about it all.
 
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