[Not Like Them]

Well i just would like to hear your opinion on my situation. Here it is.

About 10 years ago I went on a ship cruise with my friend back then and his girlfriend. His girlfriend also brought with her a friend. I ended up having a pretty strong crush on this girl, although we barely talked at all on the cruise, just danced a little at the bar/disco.

So I believe it was a couple of months after the cruise I ended up calling her (got her number from my friend). I asked her out for a date, and she initially said yes, next week would be fine for her. But then I called the next week and she said she´s having the flu and can´t come. So I called again after a while and this time I think she said maybe later in the spring because she´s kinda busy now. I got the impression she was either avoiding going out with me(turning me down) or just being too afraid to do it(She sounded a little nervous on the phone).

And so the whole thing kinda just got “forgotten”( I never called later in the spring for some reason, too anxious to do it I believe…) and time went by. I met a girl at a party later that same year at new years eve, and ended up being/living with her for about 9 years.

She was really the aggressive oncoming type when we met, and I had SA back then already and no experience with girls so I kinda went with the flow and we ended up being together that long. But I always felt that I really wasn´t in love with her, cared about her sure.

My crush from the cruise would pop up in my mind now and then during the years in the relationship, the feelings I had about her never went away. I´m still confused about this; how can one have these feelings for someone you barely know for this long?

My 9 year old relationship ended a while ago(about ½ year), we just felt there was nothing left.

So now I opened a facebook account a while ago. Of course one of the first things I do is look for my old crush , and there she is. She hasn´t got her relationship status visible and I can´t see any ring on her finger in any of her pictures so... :stu After building up some courage i finally sent her a friend request 2 days ago. She hasn´t approved me yet, but it´s only 2 days, I know...

Still, makes me wonder, should I have also put a message in there? After all it is almost 10 years since I called her Maybe she doesn´t remember who i am even...What should I say in that message if so? Or do you think it was wrong (too awkward) to add her as a friend? We do have mutual friends in facebook, some of them are even relatives to me.

All I know is what I feel and for some reason this girl has stayed on my mind all these years, and really warm feelings too just like when I first saw her.

What do you guys think I should do with this situation? :con

I would really appreciate any advice.

 

[Not Like Them]

Any advice would be appreciated. :thanks

 

[aviationboy]

It has been 10 years so... i'd wait until she accepts. Then send her a message saying hi and ask if she would like to catch up over coffee?

I had a similar experience, although she never accepted. however i saw her at a party one night and we talked for a while. A week later i sent her a message on FB asking her out for coffee, the next day she accepted my proposal as well as my friend request. strange eh? never worked out btw lol :roll

 

[Not Like Them]

Thanks for replying aviationboy, i´ve taken your advice under consideration :yes

I dunno though, my gut feeling kinda tells me i should write some kind of message regarding why i sent the request. Couldn´t it be that she feels it´s weird(or even creepy) that after 10 years i just send a request and not say anything?

I would obviously not mention that i´m romantically interested in her or something like that, because that would probably freak her out, right?

I really don´t feel i´ve got anything to lose at this point, but still i feel i need the support/backup from you guys.

 

[Not Like Them]

Ok, so i sent her a message 2 days ago and no answer...it was a neutral one, not the exact message but something like this i sent:
"Hi, i´m sending this message which i meant to send along my friend request, but forgot. I think it would be nice to add you as a friend, i happened to see you in my cousins friend list. How are you nowadays?".

Something wrong with that message or?
This no reply thing just ****ing sucks :dial , i´m feeling like such a loser now...
I find myself everyday looking at her pictures on facebook too (feeling like a semi-stalker hehe), i should probably not do that but it´s damn hard to stop when the crush is so strong.

Damn, i really wanted her to just answer SOMETHING, so that i can either move on so to to speak or make further contact with her...

 

[AliBaba]

Normally I'd say let something like this go. However, given that you have some common friends/relatives you might have some leeway. I'd definitely wait until she responded back to contact her again. I'm sure the wait sucks!

 

[Just Lurking]

Maybe she hasn't been on Facebook in a few days.

Maybe she remembers you and doesn't really want to go down that path.

Maybe she's gotten the request and message and just hasn't gotten around to any meaningful reply.

Or she may not have a clue who you are, in which case you're some random stranger sending her a friend request with the reasoning that you saw her on a relative's list.

Me, I wouldn't contact her any more if she doesn't respond.

Get your emotions in check! It's just a crush. Your feelings for her aren't really based on anything, are they? You didn't really talk to her much? It's lust/infatuation that you're feeling, and the best way to move on from that is to sever contact (stop looking up her profile).

 

[TigerLilyie]

If she hasn't logged on..Don't feel bad. I know it does but when something embarrassing happens to me I just let it go. There is plenty of fish in the sea my friend.

 

[Not Like Them]

Thanks guys for the support!
Yeah i think in this case i better just let go. I already played all my cards so...
As TigerLilyie said there´s plenty of fish in the sea after all!

 

[TorLin]

ive added mine, and im completely fine with it.

 

[serendipity]

My crush from the cruise would pop up in my mind now and then during the years in the relationship, the feelings I had about her never went away. I´m still confused about this; how can one have these feelings for someone you barely know for this long?

I'm pretty sure your feelings are due to the attraction you have towards her physical appearance. I don't quite understand the confusion, it should be quite obvious that that's why. I think you just don't want to admit it to yourself.

 

[Pelicanbay]

yes i have about 2 or 3 old crushes....messaged 1, no reply...havent talked to the rest, no biggy tho

 

[TaniaN]

Speaking of old crushes...

I opened a Facebook account very recently, December 2008 to be exact. I quickly added the very few people I'm already in contact with and then like 2 or 3 people from high school. 2 days later I get a friend request from this guy I had a crush on back then In my worst SA days I'd wondered about him and how he was, but hadn't really thought of him in years since then. Anyway RIGHT away and I mean literally as soon as I clicked "Accept friend request" it seems he sent me a message. In high school he'd been in my Spanish class and our class only had about 7 students in it so he definitely knew who I was. But we were not friends. We spoke once or twice that year about class assignments but that was it. I basically crushed on him from afar. Anyway so he sends me this long message apologizing for not having replied to some email I sent him back then. And he added that throughout the years that email had popped into his head and he'd felt bad and wondered how I was doing and that he hoped I was well.


There I was a 29 yr old woman, already happy in love with someone and giddy as a school girl because to me this was some sort of admission that he'd noticed me back then. I didn't have a single date in high school by the way. Thought of me over the years? Little ol me?! See, giddiness is back LOL

 

[Kelly]

Speaking of old crushes...

I opened a Facebook account very recently, December 2008 to be exact. I quickly added the very few people I'm already in contact with and then like 2 or 3 people from high school. 2 days later I get a friend request from this guy I had a crush on back then In my worst SA days I'd wondered about him and how he was, but hadn't really thought of him in years since then. Anyway RIGHT away and I mean literally as soon as I clicked "Accept friend request" it seems he sent me a message. In high school he'd been in my Spanish class and our class only had about 7 students in it so he definitely knew who I was. But we were not friends. We spoke once or twice that year about class assignments but that was it. I basically crushed on him from afar. Anyway so he sends me this long message apologizing for not having replied to some email I sent him back then. And he added that throughout the years that email had popped into his head and he'd felt bad and wondered how I was doing and that he hoped I was well.

There I was a 29 yr old woman, already happy in love with someone and giddy as a school girl because to me this was some sort of admission that he'd noticed me back then. I didn't have a single date in high school by the way. Thought of me over the years? Little ol me?! See, giddiness is back LOL

This is such a great story! :banana

Have a nice day,
Kelly

 

[TaniaN]

Thanks Weird huh, you just never know I guess.