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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I find that I am able to suppress most physical symptoms of social anxiety and play it cool. I smile at people and make eye contact often. The problem is, I devote so much effort to trying to appear normal, that my conversational skills are inhibited. It's like I'm using so much brainpower on the physical aspect of it that there is not enough left over. I find that I take a long time to figure out how to respond to people, and spend a long time trying to find the right word to use. To some people I may even come off as 'slow'.

I really hate living this lie. I'm always afraid that people will see through the deception. Whenever I get a second glance from someone, or someone looks at me for a little longer than I expect them to, I get a surge of panic: "what if they know? what if they can see right through me?". I wish that I could just be myself.

Can anyone relate?
 

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MayTheForceBeWithYou
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i do.
sometimes i act like i don't have SA and SA can't touch me.
its a great feeling once you made your mindset switch to not think about worries and saying yourself you going to get anxious.

I think we must have to trick our minds even though its hard at times.
 

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I just wish I could learn to fake social confidence. I think my SA is apparent to most people. Guess I'm just not a good actor.
 

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Digimon Loyalist
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That is what my therapist encourages me to do when in social situations. She calls it "fake it until you make it".
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
The thing is, the more I 'fake it', the more paranoid I become that I will soon be discovered. It's like it temporarily makes the situation better, but the elephant in the corner only grows larger.
 

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I went into town to go clothes shopping today, when i came home i was exausted not from walking but from trying to look and act 'normally', it really drains me sometimes :blank
 

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I fake it all the time, though sometimes you just cant, espeiclaly when your body starts reacting the way you dont want it too
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Actually, meeting new people is where I find it works the best. First impressions are very important, and if you come across as a 'normal' individual at first glance, then people will probably get that image of you engraved into their minds.

However, if you start off coming across as having anxiety, then people will just remember you as 'that weird shy kid'. I made that mistake after moving to a new house and starting 9th grade with completely new people. To top it off, I was in IB, which basically meant that I would be with the same relatively small, select group of people for the next four years.

In 9th grade I was a total misanthrope and it was surprising that I actually made friends. Then, in 11th grade, when my SA started to get a little better, I found that people still remembered me as the shy kid and that a pretense of being normal would just make me come across as being weirder than I already was.
 

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I pretend everything is hunky dory , but my mind is on cloud nine , thinking , can they tell I'm anxious , am I going to panic in the checkout line , and I don't smile because of my neglected teeth . My self-esteem was crushed by that one. The only one I don't fake it with is my dog. He likes me for who I am . :)
 

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i'm actually VERY good at faking... except until the next round with the same person. I can always fake an introduction with a person. It leads me into a lot of trouble, because people always get the impressions that I'm very outgoing the first time. The second time is a lot harder for me, because I only do that to people I *hope* I will never have to see again. They get confused on why I don't talk the next time or don't answer their telephone calls to go study :( one time a girl told me she thought i was really conceited until she found out that i was very quiet. Often, I try to dress trendy so people won't notice that i actually don't have any friends. I try to look like those girls that would look like they have tons of friends so no one will approach me...
 

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I'm good at not letting my anxiety show when out in public, I can talk with cashiers and stuff while out but am usually fairly anxious about it at the time.
 

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This sounds totally like me. I can do o.k faking it in the begining. And lots of people would consider me outgoing.
I really want to make friends and be in relationships, but whenever someone takes an interest and ask me to hang out or go on a date I get so nervous eventually they will discover how much of a loser I am. I get so nervous thinking about what they are thinking about me and about what I'm going to talk to them about that will be interesting that it just gets so exhausting and takes so much effort my mind just goes blank or I'm concentrating so hard on what I'm going to say to them next to keep the conversation going that I'm not fully taking in what they are saying at the moment.
I'm so scared that if I keep hanging out with them they will eventually discover that I have zero self-esteem and have few friends and that they will think i'm boring or pity me.
So instead of taking the risk and seeing what might happen I end up avoiding their phone calls and making excuses when they ask me to do things. I'm afraid that they may reject me and I don't think I could handle that so I end up rejecting them 1st even tho I so don't want to. They usually end up thinking i'm a snob and people will only ask you to do things or call you for so long before they give up on you when you never reciprocate their advances.
It makes me so sad because I really do want to build meaningful friendships and relationships but I just feel I'm a defective human and am socially inadequate and I'm so scared I'm going to be alone forever
 

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herp derp
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Actually, meeting new people is where I find it works the best. First impressions are very important, and if you come across as a 'normal' individual at first glance, then people will probably get that image of you engraved into their minds.

However, if you start off coming across as having anxiety, then people will just remember you as 'that weird shy kid'. I made that mistake after moving to a new house and starting 9th grade with completely new people.
This is one of the only reason why I had friends at school - when I was younger, I didn't really have a problem - it was only in the very later yaers of schooling did I start to become less spoken but because I had befriended people earlier, I could just "hang out with them" without any issues.
 

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From my experience, when I pretend I don't have SA it only works for so long. No matter how hard I try there is always a glaring weakness in the facade. You may smile at people and may make eye contact but unless you talk a lot that only goes so far. Typically, the things I try to do aren't enough because I'm only willing to do so much to appear normal before I draw a line.
 
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