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I think you're doing it right, although I hope you can share your problems with someone other than us. I think its a big help to share with someone you trust. If your serious with your BF that is who I suggest, do you already?

As far as being a hypocrite and "does everyone else pretend", I think to some extent they do. I've had plenty of non SA friends who I think drown out their inner thoughts. I swear some people go around with their little voice screaming LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. Never analyze anything, and they get by like that. Part of me wishes I could do that but at the same time being a deep thinker is something I'm proud to be. I just try to avoid the bad thoughts, tell myself to STFU when I beat myself up, its not helpful.

Really that is why people turn to drugs. The drug use isn't their problem, the problem is in their thoughts and drugs allow them to avoid those thoughts. Don't do that though, its a horrible "solution", I know.
 
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