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So I just found out about this forum today, and can't believe that there is actually a reason why I've been having so much trouble just "fitting in" at college. I'm a Christian and want to tell others about Jesus, but when I even try to talk to someone it's like I'm walking on a tightrope or something. At church with other Christians it's very much the same- we're a small church and everyone knows everyone, and I can't start or keep a conversation going no matter how hard I brace myself for it beforehand.

Tonight I'm staying home from a friend's party and I couldn't even think up a lame excuse- of course the real reason was that stupid, nameless fear of going to a social event. I just want to love other people and stop being selfish. I want to become friends with my classmates that I see every day, to serve them and encourage them. Instead when I see them walking towards me across campus I put down my head, avert my eyes, and hope they won't notice me. I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend, of course, but if I could just "hang out" with people like a normal college kid I'd be more than elated. Then maybe I could show them Christ's love.
 

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Sometimes I use religious principles to excuse my behavior, such as self denial, not mixing with the world, and wanting to find out the truth being foremost in my mind.

And these things are all true, but I slip up. Often. Spending most of my time alone angry and anxious does not get me closer to God. Yet I do it all the time.

When I do see people, it never even occurs to me to talk to them about God, because I've become resigned to the fact that the Western world is already completely aware of God, and most choose to sin. I wonder, who am I that I should preach to anyone in the end times? Not to mention I can't do it. I fear people, as well.

What example am I? To the average person, my life is a complete wreck. I cannot relate to them.
 
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