Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Alright, this is going to be pretty lengthy as I feel its necessary to give some back story in order to make my situation understandable. As of right now, I am in my third year at university, I always stupidly set goals for myself (the goals aren't stupid, but trying to accomplish them seems stupid) at major milestones to try and force myself out of my shell. For example, I'll say to myself "once I start university I'm going to break out of my shell and be a new person", then "...in my second year I'll do that", and here I am in my third year saying the same thing, it never works though.

Fortunately for me though, I wasn't completely in the dark. The roommates I was thrown in with for years one and two were really quite a good group. They were different both years, but each of them seemed intent on helping me progress socially. I made great strides, but I can't help but think they were only temporary. They would invite me to party and drink with them where I met a lot of people but I don't really know what to make of it. I still keep in generally active contact with them but I want to be able to be socially active without relying on them to give me the opportunities.

This third year is a different story though, once again, I have new roommates but this time I wasn't so fortunate. The people I was with in the first two years were the party people, they had groups coming over to drink and party all the time, every weekend at least. Because of this (and the fact that I was sharing an apartment suite with them) I lived there, so I could easily just go out there and start hanging out and drinking socially (its so easy to socialize after I've had some drinks its a joke). But this year my roommates aren't the party type, they never seem to go out and as a result, people aren't coming over to our place to party, so I have no way to get out there and socialize. Its not like I can just go to a random room having a party and barge in there uninvited.

So here I am, wanting to socialize and meet new people, but I don't have any leeway, I'm terrible at meeting new people and don't really have any connections. My previous roommates are in another city right now so I can't rely on them to bring the parties around. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I have a great personality and am a really great person when people get to know me, but getting people to get to know me is very challenging for me. There's nothing physically appealing enough about me that people might want to invite me out or anything (I look kind of geeky). So what do I do from here? I'm completely lost this year and don't know how to approach things, I want to break out of my shell more than anything.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Hi,

I know exactly what you mean. I find it almost impossible to meet new people and yet, I'm a pretty cool person. It's just hard for me to let my guard down long enough, so people can see who I really am...

I would suggest maybe making smaller goals for yourself.... changing who you are is a pretty big thing to ask of yourself all at once.

Start with something small, like joining a study group. Going the first time would be a goal. Returning the 2nd time, another goal.

Take it slow and try not to ask too much of yourself. You will get there! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,814 Posts
If you want things to happen you have to rely on yourself to make them happen. You say you want people to party with, then make friends. You make friends by getting numbers, asking to hangout and just getting to know them slowly and keeping in contact. It's almost like a routine or a job that you have to devote days and hours and fit it in your schedule to get something from it. They will know of things going on and you can meet the kind of people you want from them, etc. The only reasons it seems daunting is probably because your used to having other people do the work for you, which was a case once in my life. Instead of you waiting for them to having something planned, you make plans and invite people and take initiative yourself. All you have to do is sit down and come up with a plan. What is it your trying to accomplish? How are you going to get there realistically? Being social is definitely something anyone can accomplish no matter how different or strange the situations may present itself -- people are everywhere! Give yourself time and don't be too unrealistic with your goals or standards. Most importantly, remember that you get what you put in. Don't rely on other people to shape the life you want. You can do that yourself better than anyone else so take responsibility for what you want in life and go for it. Take it slow if you have to and don't put yourself down if it seems slow or disappointing at first because you'll learn lots along the way and eventually you'll find what your looking for. GL!
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Top