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Day Of The Dead
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Sometimes I think it would really help me if we (my family and I) moved away to some other state where I know nobody. Then I could try and work on my social anxiety slowly. Here, the last school year everyone said I was always quiet and I looked like a loner.

I don't know if anybody has seen the movie 'The New Guy' but it's kind of like that. A nerdy kid changes his looks and switches schools and gets a total badass image. At the end of the movie he says he made someone up that everyone would like and it worked. Sometimes I want to do that. Like if I moved away I could try to lose weight and change my hairstyle, etc and start a new school, and maybe just get some confidence.

When I turn 18 (I am 15 now) I was thinking about trying to find an apartment in some other city or something. It would be a short-term fresh start if that makes sense. I wouldn't know anyone, and I could try to re-invent myself.

Has anyone else felt like this? Anyone tried it?
 

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When I was done with high school I went 500 miles away from home to go to college. Then I moved 500 miles away from college to get a job. None of it made a difference, actually it made things worse because at least I had a few friends back home.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea, it's just going to totally depend on your situation. You might get a short term emotional high that lasts a week or a month, that helps you be more social, but it's not going to last unless you address underlying issues.

Why can't you lose weight and change your hairstyle where you live right now?

Something I've always struggled with is that I wanted to change myself, but I didn't want to give ANY satisfaction to all the people and family who criticized me over the years. I didn't want to "prove" to them that I was a freak after all and I had to change to become a normal person "like them." Whatever I did, I wanted to do it for myself and no one else. It's a mindset that held me back for a long time and I think I see the same thing going on here.

I know it's not easy, but it's possible to work on these things without packing up and moving. That's what I'm starting to do right now. But you'll probably have to distance yourself from the old groups you have a history with, that reinforce your "bad" identity, at least for a while. If nothing else, look for clubs, classes, groups, etc. where nobody knows you.

If you live in a small town, there might not be a lot of new things you can do and I understand how annoying it is. But at least take what I wrote into account.
 

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Day Of The Dead
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When I was done with high school I went 500 miles away from home to go to college. Then I moved 500 miles away from college to get a job. None of it made a difference, actually it made things worse because at least I had a few friends back home.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea, it's just going to totally depend on your situation. You might get a short term emotional high that lasts a week or a month, that helps you be more social, but it's not going to last unless you address underlying issues.

Why can't you lose weight and change your hairstyle where you live right now?

Something I've always struggled with is that I wanted to change myself, but I didn't want to give ANY satisfaction to all the people and family who criticized me over the years. I didn't want to "prove" to them that I was a freak after all and I had to change to become a normal person "like them." Whatever I did, I wanted to do it for myself and no one else. It's a mindset that held me back for a long time and I think I see the same thing going on here.

I know it's not easy, but it's possible to work on these things without packing up and moving. That's what I'm starting to do right now. But you'll probably have to distance yourself from the old groups you have a history with, that reinforce your "bad" identity, at least for a while. If nothing else, look for clubs, classes, groups, etc. where nobody knows you.

If you live in a small town, there might not be a lot of new things you can do and I understand how annoying it is. But at least take what I wrote into account.
Thanks for responding.

Well, my situation is a bit...different. Kind of the opposite. See, I know people here, but I don't want to. I don't like seeing people I know in public. Atleast not here. This town is small, and has nothing to offer to me. I would like to move to a decent-sized town. Maybe work on getting a job where I could work from home, and then start to work on my anxiety. As it is now, I can't even go on a walk because I'm afriad I'll see someone I'll know. Atleast if I moved, that problem wouldn't arise. Of course, there's the motivation to work out, but that's another issue all together.

I never really thought about all the bad things that could happen. I'd have to think about it more. Thanks for the response, though.
 

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Has anyone else felt like this? Anyone tried it?
I am not so much going to re-invent myself completely, as I am already making ongoing improvements to myself as time goes on, but I am seriously thinking about moving and starting a new life at the end of the year, when I finish my higher education for the time being.

I have already made moves with a recruitment agency which is a pathway to finding employment overseas in my sector. It would be much easier for me to find a job where I already am in my own city, where I know everything, but I just feel I am too bogged down in the past here and need a fresh start.

So I have felt like you have, but I have not tried starting a new life for myself, at least not yet. I know for a fact it would be harder for me to establish myself overseas, both in getting to know the new knowledge I would have to learn about the overseas sector I work in, plus I would be financially worse off than staying where I am now.

However, I really like the idea living in a place and not having any connections. I would start from scratch and I could start improving my social life without previous baggage. For example, no-one would question my lack of a social network in a new country where I do not know anyone yet. Time is needed to establish yourself and that is understandable.
 

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I think it's a GREAT idea.

Seriously, the hardest part of any change is "what will everybody who know me think?". All these judgements will come flooding at you.

How would you be if you went to a new town for a day, just walking around? It can be your own little social experiment with no side-effects just to test the waters.

Try it if you're able to. Get a train or bus to some new place and have an "outer body" experience. Be who you want to be for a day.

Good principle though. That's why everybody goes wild and "not themselves" when they go on a holiday with no family.

Sean
 

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i have ALWAYS wanted a "fresh start" but i've lived the same place my whole life. peole say if you move away youre running from your probs and theyre still there and need to be dealt with....HOWEVER, my bestie has lived here her life and recently after marrying and having kids (26 yrs old) shes moved to anothery city, same state and shes loving it. she says its a fresh start and i believe her shes so optimistic now and just overall a happier person. so i say, go for it. wish i could.
 

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Something I've always struggled with is that I wanted to change myself, but I didn't want to give ANY satisfaction to all the people and family who criticized me over the years. I didn't want to "prove" to them that I was a freak after all and I had to change to become a normal person "like them." Whatever I did, I wanted to do it for myself and no one else. It's a mindset that held me back for a long time and I think I see the same thing going on here.
Wow. This sounds exactly like me. I just could never put it into words that well XD I would like to change some things about myself (the way I look and of course my anxiety) but I don't want people to see my change. I don't want them to think I've become like them.
 

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From experience it's harder to start fresh. A lot harder.
 

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Wherever you go, whatever you do - you can't escape who you are. Your personality will follow you.

But I must say when it comes to living with SA, I'd personally much rather live in a large city than a small town. My city has about 500,000 people in it and I like it that way. I wouldn't want to live somewhere where the population's in the 1000's (never tried it of course, but it doesn't appeal to me at all).

Maybe you'd find a bigger city a little easier to deal with, but just remember a change of location by itself probably isn't going to do anything for you as far as beating SA goes.
 

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i have ALWAYS wanted a "fresh start" but i've lived the same place my whole life. peole say if you move away youre running from your probs and theyre still there and need to be dealt with....HOWEVER, my bestie has lived here her life and recently after marrying and having kids (26 yrs old) shes moved to anothery city, same state and shes loving it. she says its a fresh start and i believe her shes so optimistic now and just overall a happier person. so i say, go for it. wish i could.
Move down under!
 

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i've felt lik that be4. i wouldn't go as far as changing my whole image but i would try 2 get rid of the SA that strangles my real personality & never lets it show. but i think since a new shool year's gonna start & my parents would probably not move, lik, EVER i should consider this year a new start & move foreward.
 

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Has anyone else felt like this? Anyone tried it?
It actually might help but it depends on a lot of things. I did it when I was 20. I moved about 1000 miles away from everyone I knew, got a job and a roommate and tried to make myself function.

It worked OK until I got pulled over by the cops for having out of state tags and lost my license for a few months for that and having no insurance. I had to pay a massive (well, massive for me) fine and almost went to jail because I didn't have enough money with me.

In the meantime, my roomie and I lived in a trailer that was full of holes and had oil heat. We had no money to buy oil in the dead of winter so we just huddled under blankets all the time when we weren't working.

So, I had to have my parents send me money to get plates and insurance for that state. About a month after I got all that straightened out, my car just completely died on me in the middle of nowhere at 3 in the morning. It turned out to be a serious failure in the engine somewhere and I was totally broke so I had no car at all and was only making minimum wage. I tried to get another car and they actually laughed at me when I applied for the loan. Needless to say, that didn't work out.

I then applied for a better job (I thought) and got hired. I thought I would be OK if I could do it for a while and get some money but the job turned out to be completely intolerable (9 hours a day stooped over a table folding shirts for $7 an hour). I lasted about a month and quit.

After that, I gave up and called my dad to come and get me.

On the positive side of things, I had a girlfriend for the first time in my adult life and could have probably married her if I'd wanted to. I couldn't even get girls to talk to me in the place I lived before I moved there and she started flirting with me about a week after I got there.

I also had a few decent friends who were cool guys. Some of the only real friends I've ever had. I didn't change anything about myself when I moved there. The only thing that changed was my environment and the people. The people were generally friendlier in that area of the country.

Yeah. So anyway, if you're going to do it, it's going to be better if you do it before you turn 18 and have to try doing it on your own. As long as you don't have to deal with the financial crap, you might be OK and it might work out great for you.
 
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