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It's perfectly normal to be anxious. This is your mom, and a whole new person entering your life to some degree. I understand your anxiety. Has your mom mentioned anything about him before? Do you know what to expect in general? And how long have they been seeing each other?
 

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I think you should cancel. Your brother sounds horrible - can you deal with him at all? or does he just upset you? If you can deal ith him by not letting him get to you or fighting back, then maybe you could try going along.

Is your mother trustworthy enough for you to be honest about how this makes you feel? If she's not, then she's failed you, and you don't owe her much, and you certainly shouldn't have to put yourself through this. If you can be honest with her, then do so. A decent, caring mother would offer to make sure your brother isn't there when you meet.
 

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I guess they've been seeing each other for about 2 years now, but it's difficult to say. My mother and I aren't close. We're nice to each other, we don't fight, but throughout most of my life, she's never been there. She's been very neglectful; it was not uncommon for me to see her, 3, 4 times a year, which is more the frequency of a distant cousin and less a mother. Little has changed now, except that now I'm grateful for the infrequency of her visits.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she only wants to do this so that she can maintain the illusion that she plays an active role in my life. She might have felt snubbed because I didn't attend her wedding, and decided to do this so that in an attempt to alleviate this feeling and delude herself into believing that she's not an absentee mother. Of course, I may be being unfair here, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered this.

I've met him a couple of times briefly, but there was never any kind of formal meeting where we, you know, actually talked. I was hoping to avoid such a thing, but it seems I was being unrealistic. It was only a matter of time. Of course, once it's over, I'm sure she'll be back to ignoring me, and I'll be glad to be back to being ignored.
Hmmm there's no right or wrong decision here. There are both positive and negative aspects to going. On the positive side, you'll probably need to meet him in this manner eventually. Close or not, she is still your mother and she wants you to at least have a basic glimpse into who she is sharing her life with now. Although you may be right that she is deluding herself that this meeting means she is involved in your life, you know for yourself what is and isn't right? Make your own conclusions. It's unfortunate your brother treats you the way he does, and that he is going, but it's best to get it over with. Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing that your brother is there. Maybe you'll have a similar opinion of your mom's husband and you can bond over that? In either case, it would be worse to back out now. Although it sounds like your mom hasn't made the best parenting decisions, you should still try to be as respectable to her as possible. Thus, I would go, and get this over with. Worse comes to worse, you can leave earlier, if you drive, or even by public transportation? Say you don't feel well, or that you remembered there's something you have to take care of, etc.
 
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