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Ex SA Suffer-er lol :)
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay so this is how my mind works and what happened when i went walking to my nearest best buy.. I walked out the front door it was beautiful outside i kept on telling myself "you are relaxed, i am relaxed, cesar is relaxed".. I walked by people and cars with a relaxed mind and i didnt feel anxious at all..

Then i made it to the store with a relaxed mind so i was happy.. i walked in the greeter said hey how you doing sir and i replied im good thnx and walked away.. my mind tried to analyze that encounter but i realized it before happenening and quickly told my mind to shut the hell up before you make me anxious.. So i went to get what i wanted to buy and stood in line..

This is the part when i start feeling a bit anxious and my mind starts acting up.. so i was waiting there with 2 people infront of me. my mind was thinking negative like what if this happpens when i talk to the cashier, what do i say, what is the cashier going to think of me but i quickly told my mind to shut the hell up... i was doing good i was proud of myself.. i was wooping Sa.. BUT.. this really hott chikk came behind me and stood in line.. i turned my eyes a little to chekk her out she was blazing.. then i noticed she was checking me out and staring at me i was like "oh shet" then i started to get anxious.. i started feeling tense.. i started sweating..and my mind started reacing.. man i felt like she could tell i was anxious and i thought to myself that she thought i was wakk cause she could tell i was getting anxious..man but she was just standing there staring at me i was like WTF?? look somewere else now lady your making me anxious here.. she was hott and all but still...

So then then after feeling all anxious cause of the hott chick staring at me when i went to the cashier i was anxious..i paid and everything but i was anxious when i did so i felt like i failed when i paid cause i was anxious..after something like this my mind goes into this negative thinking cycle and the whole walk home i was just thinking and thinking and i was anxious and i try to tell myself positive things but my mind was just racing and i strted to feel like everyone was staring at me and judging me again.. man i was doing great till it failed...sigh..the only way i can make myself stop thinking like this is by meditating but what do i do when ima at a party,cousins house,store?? i cnt meditate there?? then when im anxious i feel voulnerable cause im a different person when im anxious so i keep away from people when im anxious.. does anybody know how to stop the anxious mind ?? well anyways this is my day in the life of an SA person..sorry if it didint make sense my mind and thoughts were all over the place when i wrote this so i couldnt really concentrate on what i was writing..
 

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Attractive women have that effect on me as well. I sometimes start sweating in no time at all.

It's a funny thing. We'd do anything to be with someone so attractive, yet we go out of our way to avoid them whenever possible. But that's SA for ya.
 

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know how ya feel man. I cant talk to girls let alone look at them and smile. Especially girls that are attractive. Dont let that stop you though. You are only 17. If i would have known it didnt matter and that no one could tell i was anxious my last two years of highschool would have been different. Take baby steps with what you know and have learned and all will be good. good luck
 

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Tell me about it. On good days, I can look at an attractive girl and smile or whatever. I'm not the type to bring up small talk just because someone is attractive though.

On bad days (most of the time), I might look away and pretend I don't notice. Or I might look and start thinking "Someone's going to catch me looking and think I'm a perv." And then it starts a cycle of thoughts like "No one's going to catch you. Shut up." and "Who cares?" and "Wow, is this really going through my head?"

It's frustrating b/c I keep telling myself "Stop thinking," which is a thought in itself. It's a paradox that I don't know how to get out of.
 

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Ex SA Suffer-er lol :)
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
omg dude you just explained hoow i feel exactly man its so hard to stop my mind sometimes.. i cnt do it on my own.. i need meds to help me have control of my mind cause this is my biggest issue with SA... i need to talk to my therapist about this...its a huge problem for me.. basicalyy andything i do or look at triggers a thought in my head.. =( so yea my mind can go berzerk alot of times
 

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On bad days (most of the time), I might look away and pretend I don't notice. Or I might look and start thinking "Someone's going to catch me looking and think I'm a perv." And then it starts a cycle of thoughts like "No one's going to catch you. Shut up." and "Who cares?" and "Wow, is this really going through my head?"
That's exactly how I go through it. I would especially berate myself and or be very cautious about making eye contact or looking at the woman's clothes for fear that I might be regarded as a perv. I'm having fewer of those days but sometimes I can go through a week of them if I'm not conscious about it and make an effort to try to look the girl in the eyes and try a smile.

It really helped to put myself in her position. What if a girl walked by and gave me a smile, how would that make me feel? Pretty good actually, regardless of who the girl was, I'd feel a little lighter on my feet. Second, a smile or direct look in the eyes is harmless really. My eyes don't have spears attached to them shooting the other girl in the eyes-- its physically inconsequential. What's the worst that can happen? The girl won't bother to look, might look and keep walking forward without acknowledgment, stare at the floor and smile, or look at you and smile.

I prepare myself for all these situations. If she doesn't look back, cool with me as its less engaging, less pressure. If she looks at you and doesn't bother to smile and keeps walking, that's cool too. She has things to do, has other things to concentrate on, or might be nervous, anxious and can't make eye contact either. If she has SA, you're one step ahead of her as you've tried to make eye contact. If she stares at the floor and smiles, you made her anxious!

What was difficult for me to adjust to was that humans naturally look at each other and have non verbal communication. Over the years I convinced myself that because it felt uncomfortable (irrational FEELINGS) then there must be a reason behind them (looking at a good looking woman might come off as being a perv) when that reason makes no sense. Looking at a girl does NOT make you a perv. Its a battle I still do to this day and I'm working on it. Giving a look and a smile may actually make her feel good and that's what motivates me to make eye contact and muster a smile.
 

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Tell me about it. On good days, I can look at an attractive girl and smile or whatever. I'm not the type to bring up small talk just because someone is attractive though.

On bad days (most of the time), I might look away and pretend I don't notice. Or I might look and start thinking "Someone's going to catch me looking and think I'm a perv." And then it starts a cycle of thoughts like "No one's going to catch you. Shut up." and "Who cares?" and "Wow, is this really going through my head?"

It's frustrating b/c I keep telling myself "Stop thinking," which is a thought in itself. It's a paradox that I don't know how to get out of.
This is it. All that needs to be said lol. Cesear (sry if i spelled ur name wrong lol): Ur making progress. Don't expect to be able to control your thoughts anywhere anytime instantly. It takes time. Maybe a month at the worst. But it will get easier and it will get more automatic. Just make sure you do it whenever you get anxious. the more often you do it, the faster it will become natural
 

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Doesnt it feel funny when you write it all down?
Not meaning to offend cause I often have the
same thing guys my age freak me out the most but I recently had to write down all the
thoughts/feelings I had and reading them/saving them out loud
was the most bizzare experience.
 

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Okay so this is how my mind works and what happened when i went walking to my nearest best buy.. I walked out the front door it was beautiful outside i kept on telling myself "you are relaxed, i am relaxed, cesar is relaxed".. I walked by people and cars with a relaxed mind and i didnt feel anxious at all..

Then i made it to the store with a relaxed mind so i was happy.. i walked in the greeter said hey how you doing sir and i replied im good thnx and walked away.. my mind tried to analyze that encounter but i realized it before happenening and quickly told my mind to shut the hell up before you make me anxious.. So i went to get what i wanted to buy and stood in line..

This is the part when i start feeling a bit anxious and my mind starts acting up.. so i was waiting there with 2 people infront of me. my mind was thinking negative like what if this happpens when i talk to the cashier, what do i say, what is the cashier going to think of me but i quickly told my mind to shut the hell up... i was doing good i was proud of myself.. i was wooping Sa.. BUT.. this really hott chikk came behind me and stood in line.. i turned my eyes a little to chekk her out she was blazing.. then i noticed she was checking me out and staring at me i was like "oh shet" then i started to get anxious.. i started feeling tense.. i started sweating..and my mind started reacing.. man i felt like she could tell i was anxious and i thought to myself that she thought i was wakk cause she could tell i was getting anxious..man but she was just standing there staring at me i was like WTF?? look somewere else now lady your making me anxious here.. she was hott and all but still...

So then then after feeling all anxious cause of the hott chick staring at me when i went to the cashier i was anxious..i paid and everything but i was anxious when i did so i felt like i failed when i paid cause i was anxious..after something like this my mind goes into this negative thinking cycle and the whole walk home i was just thinking and thinking and i was anxious and i try to tell myself positive things but my mind was just racing and i strted to feel like everyone was staring at me and judging me again.. man i was doing great till it failed...sigh..the only way i can make myself stop thinking like this is by meditating but what do i do when ima at a party,cousins house,store?? i cnt meditate there?? then when im anxious i feel voulnerable cause im a different person when im anxious so i keep away from people when im anxious.. does anybody know how to stop the anxious mind ?? well anyways this is my day in the life of an SA person...
lol
Same with me!
 
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