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So a few weeks ago I started my freshman year of college. I was really optimistic and excited about this new change in my life because I was so ready to leave high school behind. I wasn't that nervous about making friends because I had been talking to some kids going to my college online since I was accepted (also how I found my roommate). I thought I could just easily transition having already made friends but now 3 weeks in, I don't feel that close with anyone. Everyone else seems to have already made their own friend groups. I'm acquainted with this one friend group in my hall but they never willingly invite me to anything (probs cause i'm not in their group chat). Most people in my original group chat have branched off and made new friends really easily. I've hung out with my friends' new friends but it still feels like I'm intruding because I wasn't there when they all originally met. Then there's some girls in two of my classes for my major and we usually have lunch after class together and complain about homework but they still have other friends. I absolutely adore my roommate and I'm so glad we picked each other because we both like to go to bed early (maybe that's hindering some of my social experiences), we both don't party or drink, and we have some similar interests. The only problem is, she's just as quiet, if not more quiet than me (I don't know if she has SA because I don't want to assume things, but it's likely). Since we're both really bad at talking, it's hard for us to hang out one on one because we don't know how to start conversations. She's definitely more quiet than me in large groups because I feel more comfortable in bigger groups where there are extroverts to start the conversation, and I can occasionally contribute but she barely says anything. At the same time, it's really nice??? Like we can be in our room for hours together and not say a single word but it's just comforting having someone else there (she went home for one weekend and i had no idea what to do with myself and i felt really really lonely). We have meals together when we can't find anyone else but I am left eating alone sometimes because we have class at different times. The tricky thing about the dining hall is everyone says "oh it's college, everyone's super nice here just go up to a table and say hi!!!" Well you could do that during orientation, but now everyone has kinda settled into their own groups and for someone with SA I can't just go up and sit with random people (as much as I would really like to, there's so many cool people at this school). There's also this other girl who I hung out with last week with one of my friends I met on twitter and we have a really similar music taste and we're probably going to a show together in november but she lives in a different building and she's made a bunch of other friends that i don't know. I asked her to hang out tomorrow and she said "i might be hanging out with other friends but i'll let u know!!" so i always feel kinda annoying asking to hang out cause she has all these other friends she's much more close to

Sorry this is really long and rambly but any advice on how i can find new friends or strengthen the relationships i already have???
 

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I don't have real advice for you as I'm myself struggling with making friends at University. I think it really gets harder once people form groups and you kind of have to push yourself in to even be noticed. That said I think most people wouldn't consider it rude if you approached them in a nice way. Of course if they show no interest in your presence it's probably better to let it be after a while.

I think it's also always a good option to talk to people that aren't hanging out in large groups (less eyes watching -> less fear for me) but yeah it can be weird (me today) but you can actually get to know cool people this way too.

I know this wasn't really helpful, just know that I ate alone for my whole first year with a few exceptions when someone found me in the cafeteria. :) At first it really bothered me but then again I'm slowly getting accustomed to being alone at University. What still bothers me is group work (just hoping we'll be assigned to someone) and expectations of hanging out with other students (ie. in my small programm where everyone (is supposed to) know everyone) but I guess it's less a big deal than I initially thought.

That said I made a friend last year (but we don't see each other anymore) and it was kind of a nice feeling to have someone to talk to during the breaks and discuss things (or ask for material if you were sick etc.).

So friends at Uni are definitely nice but in the end if it goes bad it's not the end of world to not have many friends there (except for group work).
 

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Everyone says making friends in college is easy, but it wasn't for me. It was a struggle to make any friends at all and a struggle to keep them. You have to join a lot of groups and activities, and you have to be willing to just start talking to people. Orientation was the best time and now people are settled into groups, you're right, but you can still walk up and talk to them and sit with them. You're going to have to. Facebook helps too, friend everyone you meet, it will keep you in their mind so they recognize you when you meet again and think about you when planning things.
 

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Don't Stop Believin'
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I am three years into college and still no friends. But I don't let it bother me too much anymore. I feel like a small percentage of people are just meant to have no friends and I am one of those people. Good luck to you though.
 
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