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I'm 28, I never heard of a guy my age dating for the first time, this is what kids do since junior high, plus who the hell would want to date a guy who has no experience? most girls my age are already in serious relationships, married, with kids, etc... I'm not even attracted to them the way I used to be, the last time I had a crush on a girl was high school, I see her on facebook, she is married with kids, I remember her, she remembers me, we didn't really talk but she added me, now I get to see her every day, dating at my age I shouldn't really put myself in stupid situations, the only way I can actually date a girl I am attracted to is if I pay her, that's why they have prostitutes for
 

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How about delete your facebook or remove the post alert thing if you need to keep your account to view family pictures?

As you know, we don't need spam, semi-spam, and garbage updates from ultimately a bunch of narcissists from our past on facebook.

P.S. Dating for the first time at 28 to 110 is just fine. We'll all be fossils if lucky no matter how early/late we date.
 

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I'm 28, I never heard of a guy my age dating for the first time
Because you have never heard of it, does that make it true?
who the hell would want to date a guy who has no experience?
Let the girl decide. You may be surprised how many might like to "teach" someone, or don't care about the lack of experience at all! Some men prefer virgins, so do some women.
most girls my age are already in serious relationships, married, with kids, etc...
Most? Even if that were true, that leaves you with a few million to choose from, a few thousand within your area. I'm sure out of those thousands there are 50 or more that would date you. You just have to find one of them.
the only way I can actually date a girl I am attracted to is if I pay her, that's why they have prostitutes for
That's one option, but I assume not what you really want. You have judged yourself, convicted yourself and sentenced yourself to life without parole, based on what? Your choice of thoughts and beliefs, and the feelings/emotions those thoughts generate inside you.

Sorry to be blunt, I really do understand your pain. My intention is not to criticize you - you are doing the best you can with what you know - but I am trying to offer an alternative viewpoint. One that is actually more realistic (honestly) and could spark some chance of changing your situation.

You're ONLY 28. Five years from now you could be married and wondering what the hell you were worrying for.
 

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It's happened for thousands of guys, probably millions. If a girl likes you enough, she won't let it get in the way of a relationship. Of course you've gotta be honest about it and find a girl who really likes you for who you are, warts and all. Yeah it's harder than if you've had experience, but not impossible.
 

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It's happened for thousands of guys, probably millions. If a girl likes you enough, she won't let it get in the way of a relationship. Of course you've gotta be honest about it and find a girl who really likes you for who you are, warts and all. Yeah it's harder than if you've had experience, but not impossible.
Sorry, but this is such a huge pet peeve of mine. "If a girl really likes you..." Yeah, "if"!
 

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I am 37 and never been on a date. For me like with everything else (career, friends, buying a home) it is too late. People see this and avoid me
 

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I am 37 and never been on a date. For me like with everything else (career, friends, buying a home) it is too late. People see this and avoid me
Yeah, pretty much the same with me. To make matters worse, there have always been girls who have liked me. But when I avoid them, it hurts their feelings. So now, not only am I a miserable recluse, but I'm also an *******. Does anyone here actually have a happy story to tell?
 

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I'm 28, I never heard of a guy my age dating for the first time, this is what kids do since junior high, plus who the hell would want to date a guy who has no experience? most girls my age are already in serious relationships, married, with kids, etc... I'm not even attracted to them the way I used to be, the last time I had a crush on a girl was high school, I see her on facebook, she is married with kids, I remember her, she remembers me, we didn't really talk but she added me, now I get to see her every day, dating at my age I shouldn't really put myself in stupid situations, the only way I can actually date a girl I am attracted to is if I pay her, that's why they have prostitutes for
Dang, you're handsome and no dates? Get outta here! :p It's all good.

I'm your age and I'm a woman. My first adult date was when I was 25. I had a date at 16 but I never thought of it as such at the time and never pursued anymore after that. Not out of social anxiety then. I was still quiet back then but reallly arrogant/picky. Then I slowly got over myself as I aged. I did usually tell the guys I never dated before in the beginning. All of them were fine with it (some wouldn't believe I was telling the truth) but there was definitely some things I had to learn along the way.

Anyways, if I had met you in real life and you told me you never dated before, I wouldn't be freaked out. I would find it cute really. I would actually feel relieved to know we were in similar situations and all the more intrigued. :D
 

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I am 33, and while i have been on some dates, i do not consider those to be worth anything.
Like everything else, it is a mind game. If you think/are sure you cannot do it, then you render yourself effectively incapable of doing it. A more positive stance will help, although solving one's issues- or some of them - is of greater use.

For example, are you able to just talk to girls? In the past i was so reclusive that i could not even manage that. Now talking is not that hard, although i do still feel sometimes that i am wasting my or other people's time.
 

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...To make matters worse, there have always been girls who have liked me. But when I avoid them, it hurts their feelings. So now, not only am I a miserable recluse, but I'm also an *******...
To me this kinda says it all. Our SA makes us drive away potential dates. It's not about whether a girl would like us enough to date us - it never is. There's thousands upon thousands (millions?) of scumbuckets dating and married, and thousands upon thousands (millions?) of guys with SA who believe no girl would ever like them enough to date them. By focussing on that and convincing ourselves we are not likeable or lovable then we don't have to deal with the dating anxiety and can "justify" avoiding it (while at the same time complaining about our lot in life).

OP, what do you do to drive women away when they show interest in you? That is the thing you need to deal with or accept about yourself. For me it was blushing easily and sweating profusely on dates and generally acting like a clutz. Eventually I found women who ignored all that and liked who I was underneath it. And one of them (when I was 38 ) I failed to drive away at all. She stuck with me and I eventually married her.

I still have SA, but I am not focussing on what I can't/won't do any more, but doing the things I can do.:yes
 

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A date is a date - nothing big.
I haven't been on my first date - well, technically there was my senior year homecoming dance, but I almost don't count that. :lol. That was 20 years ago :afr.
 

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To me this kinda says it all. Our SA makes us drive away potential dates. It's not about whether a girl would like us enough to date us - it never is. There's thousands upon thousands (millions?) of scumbuckets dating and married, and thousands upon thousands (millions?) of guys with SA who believe no girl would ever like them enough to date them. By focussing on that and convincing ourselves we are not likeable or lovable then we don't have to deal with the dating anxiety and can "justify" avoiding it (while at the same time complaining about our lot in life).

OP, what do you do to drive women away when they show interest in you? That is the thing you need to deal with or accept about yourself. For me it was blushing easily and sweating profusely on dates and generally acting like a clutz. Eventually I found women who ignored all that and liked who I was underneath it. And one of them (when I was 38 ) I failed to drive away at all. She stuck with me and I eventually married her.

I still have SA, but I am not focussing on what I can't/won't do any more, but doing the things I can do.:yes
This is on target.
 

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To me this kinda says it all. Our SA makes us drive away potential dates. It's not about whether a girl would like us enough to date us - it never is. There's thousands upon thousands (millions?) of scumbuckets dating and married, and thousands upon thousands (millions?) of guys with SA who believe no girl would ever like them enough to date them. By focussing on that and convincing ourselves we are not likeable or lovable then we don't have to deal with the dating anxiety and can "justify" avoiding it (while at the same time complaining about our lot in life).
Oh, I believe a girl would go out with me, just not a girl who is attractive. If a girl is attractive, she won't have to settle for a guy like me.
 

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I think it is more about making a connection. Worrying about something formal like going on a date is just an excuse to build anxiety. It is about the girl, or guy, and how you feel together not the rules of the game. If she is going to judge you negatively about the event then you are all the wiser and can move forward.

Really dating is a horrible way to get to know someone. Just go do something with her and see if you both like doing things together and being with each other. That way you can date without really admitting it to yourself.
 

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Anyways, if I had met you in real life and you told me you never dated before, I wouldn't be freaked out. I would find it cute really. I would actually feel relieved to know we were in similar situations and all the more intrigued. :D
To OP: Debutante said it all! And her insight is more valuable to you as a man than all mens' input in this thread combined. You even caught her eye! (a little joke won't hurt) :). The point being that you are overgeneralizing things. And you are likely running into women who over-generalize too; there is such a thing as professional singles today.

I can speak for myself. I am 30 and went out on dates with four women, a couple of them repeated. My first date was when I was 24. I was never in a relationship; admittedly, in two cases out of my own choice. I just wasn't attracted to them, and it was more fair to not begin anything than give myself time to "figure it out" at their expense. The situation with two other women failed because I was told I was not "cool" enough, you know like in committing a thrill offense :um. Another woman kept talking to me after the date. Things were going well, in my opinion. And then one day replied to my text with "... why are you still talking to me" out of the blue. Alrighty, I guess :blank. The point is, it simply wasn't meant to be with any of them. I have to keep looking for what I really want (and I know what I want, but such women are less likely to "bump" into).

The whole "No girl would ever date me" mantra can often be translated into "To date, I have no luck scoring a date with a super model, so I won't even go out with someone who I don't find super-hot immediately." The whole "ever" thing tells me that someone here also has the gift of knowing the future :rolleyes:. We seldom stop to think if "scoring" like that, men or women regardless, would make us happy at all. Don't misunderstand, I am trying to be realistic rather than sarcastic.

I think that something like a group-meet of men and women with SA would be the best way to have all those dates we are looking for. Because, in reality, we all want someone to accept us the way we are. And it is more likely (but not exclusive) that people similar to us will do so. At the very least, socializing with a woman who is no stranger to SA is way more likely to, at least, lead to a date than anything else, and vice versa. We understand where we come from, and that is often the necessary step.

Oh, and we make it sound like there are no women on this forum. Ladies, please share your opinions.
 

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To OP: Debutante said it all! And her insight is more valuable to you as a man than all mens' input in this thread combined. You even caught her eye! (a little joke won't hurt) :). The point being that you are overgeneralizing things. And you are likely running into women who over-generalize too; there is such a thing as professional singles today.

Thanks for the compliment!


The whole "No girl would ever date me" mantra can often be translated into "To date, I have no luck scoring a date with a super model, so I won't even go out with someone who I don't find super-hot immediately." The whole "ever" thing tells me that someone here also has the gift of knowing the future :rolleyes:. We seldom stop to think if "scoring" like that, men or women regardless, would make us happy at all. Don't misunderstand, I am trying to be realistic rather than sarcastic.
That was definitely me a few years ago. If the guy wasn't a Channing Tatum type with green or blue eyes, I was like "Ugh not good enough for me." Severly faulty thinking but lesson learned. Perfect doesn't exist and men aren't made to order. :) After I shedded that thinking, I met some cool guys who were just as handsome in their own way(s) and intellectually simulating. None of those dates turned to a relationship (and like MyForehead I didn't want to lead one of the guys who wanted to pursue a relationship. I couldn't be more than a friend to him and it wouldn't been fair to keep dating to see where it went. It was already 2 months in and I just didn't see him that way) but boy those dates were fun :)

So, yeah, OP. You'll get a date and never discount yourself because of age and inexperience. Go on a few for fun. I've taken the lead at times when guys were a little slow. These days I don't even mention my lack of dating. I just do it.
 

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The most important thing is not to dwell on something. Whether that's something you heard from someone or read somewhere, or you were simply rejected when you offered a date. What exactly did you lose by that? Nothing... I tell myself to man up and take it. And move on!

I try to always put things into proper context, and remind myself that when I hear something, it's only an opinion, and opinions differ from people to people. To one woman, who I have yet to meet, I will not be Channing Tatum or not-Channing Tatum. I will be myself, the man she was waiting for. And vice versa. It sounds like a cliche, but that is exactly what will happen, sooner or later.

We all pass through a phase that Debutante was talking about; where the only people that are "worthy" of us are the big-screen faces. The woman I mentioned asking me why I still text her had a huge ongoing crush for that Twilight actor bragging around how cheap he is, what's his face, at 29 years old!! So, was the problem entirely me?? No way! She was probably comparing me to him, and looks-wise I don't stand a chance against him. But, I have a lot of other qualities that he can only dream about. Be realistic in life: actors entertain, they don't solve all world problems. You are no lesser than anyone else on this world. You know, it doesn't hurt being fair to yourself in a while, and see the situation for what it is, and not "boo me, nobody likes me..." :)

Whether we admit it or not, this whole "I want the hottest man/woman" has to do with our own insecurities, and the need to "wow" people around us. So that you can turn around, and tell them "take that suckaz!" Then we grow up, realize that: a) it most likely ain't gonna happen, b) it's beyond childish to think that way... Why do all those hot couples divorce? Think that you can sustain a relationship on looks alone? OP needs to find a woman who went through that realization. I'll give you that, with all those trashy reality shows, and what the media is feeding people, you won't find boatloads of men and women who are down-to-earth. But, if we bring ourselves closer to the ground, make our own wants more reasonable, and we'll be getting the dates we want.

And, sorry if all this sounded harsh. I was writing this for that stupid me who forgets what I wrote above; yes I am a human being and proud of it! :) Cheers dude!
 
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