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SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG ALL OVER THE PLACE RANT THAT PROB DOSNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. I DONT EVEN WANNA REREAD IT BECAUSE ITS SO LONG AND DUMB I DIDNT EVEN FINISH! so im a 16 year old girl. a few years back i was pretty damn outgoing. i'd always try to hang with people even if i saw some chill lookin kids around my town id just go up spark a conversation and end up having a really good time. i didnt have many friends but i had decent days actually going out and doing something. when i was 12 i lost my virginity like an idiot (yes i know, very young.) to a guy i was dating for a month the day after that he decided to cheat and then break up with me over xbox live. everyone found out and though i was some big ****. a while after that i started being very pemiscuous and pretty much everyone knew.. then i had almost no friends soi started drinking and smoking lying about my age and hanging with older people to make myself think i had a nice exciting life and i wasnt alone. i didnt intend on being as permiscuous as i was but id get way to drunk and end up acting like an idiot sometimes having sex and waking up the next day with shame and foggy memories. i made a few friends at like 14 despite all these terrible actions and i even had some bf/gf's which all ended because of me getting ****ed up to much with other people and either ignoring them or cheating. i really did want to be faithful and i thought i could just get tipsy and control myself but it always ended the same way.i am not blaming these actions all on liquor i know that its my fault for drinking in the first place. as you can tell i became quite the little alcoholic i even landed my self in the hospital and sometimes in court for drinking. at this point i basically had NO friends. id chat with some people at school and it was too bad but we never hungout. because of all the meds i was on my metabolism slowed plus i wasnt going out and getting much exersize plus i started working in a kitchen and eating all day and i have a huge appetite. i was confident before atleast with my looks id put on makeup everyday and i was slim and tall ( 160 pounds 6ft ), i believe thats what kept me out of completely hating myself. anyways i gained like 20 pounds and got more selfconcious. then i went to rehab and got my drinking out of control where i gained even more weight. in total i gained 80 pounds in 5 months and i have massive stretch marks. i am doing okay in school and theres no drinking problems anymore. but i feel worthless now. i dont put on any makeup anymore or dressup all i can fit in is yogas and swats now and i always wear huge sweaters because im embarrised of my tummy. i feel liek other girls pull off being chubby amazingly but i just look discusting and theres no point in trying. i now doing nothing but go to school and come home and sit around all day. im still gaining weight. i cant hold a conversation for **** because i do nothing therfor have nothing to talk about i guess.. idk im just awkward fat dum and alone now.
 

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Hey forevor! I didnt want to include the other part because i feel like your not alone anymore! I feel like there would be alot we could talk about and i am definitely hoping that we could get to know eachother! I would like to let you know that I was never able to talk to people about anything because.. well.. I just dont know :D I just could never find something to talk about, maybe because i felt to much pressure to say something and be interesting that nothing came out! I'd be more than happy to keep you company and talk or do anything you wanted! I'd like to be a good light in your life and i feel like it would help if we talked more so i could do so! Im getting to lost in thought but i want you to know that i'd loved to get to know you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks that'd be awesome! and how do edit my post because i meant to say that i got my drinking under control? and thats exactly how i feel when im trying to talk to people.
 

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Hey forevor! its me again. I just wanted to say that i'd definitely like you to see my other post! altough i dont libe in Massachusetts, I'm definitely looking for things similar!
 

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Welcome, ForeverAlonee! :)
 

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Forever alone

You won't be alone forever. I went through the drugs, sleeping with people I shouldn't have, etc. when I was much younger. You have to let all of that SH*# go. Past is done. Meds will make you gain weight and sometimes it takes months to get them out of your system. Try to be patient and do what you can to eat better and exercise. One of the ways to meet new friends is to go to the part and walk. Often there are groups of people who walk together. That might be a good way to do it. They can't be talking every minute walking so it might ease some of the stress of trying to find something to talk about. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. I know how you feel about not having anything to talk about when your life is dull or not exciting. Ask other people about themselves, what they do for fun, what books they read, their families or favorite shoe store. Compliment them on a shirt, earring, etc. Ask if they watch a certain TV show, believe me - that'll usually get people started. Don't worry about what you wearing. If you feel better with makeup, put it on. You can wear makeup and sweats. Those bigger girls you admire probably had to figure it out also. Confidence takes work for some of us. Read up on people like Emme and other plus size women/models, actresses like Roseanne and how they did it. You are what's inside, not what's on the outside. Keep learning and improving your brain, your knowledge of what's going on in the world, read popular books, etc. & you'll be able to carry on a conversation with anyone. Losing weight and improving your brain don't necessarily have to be done together. Wishing you the best. :hug
 

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We are all here to listen to you and will help you get through anything. Just post your thoughts here and you will always have some one there with you.
 

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Is Not Amused!
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Ignoring friends is real bad, I'm doing it myself and let me tell you this isn't the way to go some damage can't be repaired :(
 

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LOL HEY! ok so this may seem weird.. but just a thought of mine for you ok... I ALWAYS think I am going to be alone! hell I am terrified of finding someone to marry as well.. because the wedding day would just be a few family members on my side maybe a couple friends haha. All I can say is try to find a hobby you enjoy or an activity. Try to find websites or maybe magazine orders that not a lot to occupy a couple hours of your day when at home bored. Good luck to you
 

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A problem that I see in your life is that all the people around you know about your past. Because of this, I think it's going to be really difficult for you to live happily if you continue to stay where you are. The best thing for you to do is, when you are of the proper age, move off to somewhere else and start anew.
 

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Dear 16 - there is absolutely NOTHING for you to be ashamed of...NOTHING!!! I'm a long, long way down the road, or should I say "up the road" from 16 - and I remember being 16...AND IT DID SUCK - (other than getting my drivers license)!!! I'm amazed via FB at the women I went to school with --- that experienced ALL THE SAME INSECURITIES that I did at that age. I naively "assumed" I was the only one who felt the way I did. But apparently all the "popular" girls felt the same way... But I will tell you - that life does get much better - and once you're out of that MEAN & JUDGEMENTAL time called junior & senior high...you can be your own person. Don't judge others or yourself, learn to LAUGH at yourself, forgive yourself...and continue to hit the ERASE button on your mind when you start replaying those old self-defeating thoughts!
 

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Atavan Halen
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Hey forever alonee, I doubt you're gonna be alone for much longer! I'm here if you need to talk. It sounds like you've had a hard time so far.
 
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