SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG ALL OVER THE PLACE RANT THAT PROB DOSNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. I DONT EVEN WANNA REREAD IT BECAUSE ITS SO LONG AND DUMB I DIDNT EVEN FINISH! so im a 16 year old girl. a few years back i was pretty damn outgoing. i'd always try to hang with people even if i saw some chill lookin kids around my town id just go up spark a conversation and end up having a really good time. i didnt have many friends but i had decent days actually going out and doing something. when i was 12 i lost my virginity like an idiot (yes i know, very young.) to a guy i was dating for a month the day after that he decided to cheat and then break up with me over xbox live. everyone found out and though i was some big ****. a while after that i started being very pemiscuous and pretty much everyone knew.. then i had almost no friends soi started drinking and smoking lying about my age and hanging with older people to make myself think i had a nice exciting life and i wasnt alone. i didnt intend on being as permiscuous as i was but id get way to drunk and end up acting like an idiot sometimes having sex and waking up the next day with shame and foggy memories. i made a few friends at like 14 despite all these terrible actions and i even had some bf/gf's which all ended because of me getting ****ed up to much with other people and either ignoring them or cheating. i really did want to be faithful and i thought i could just get tipsy and control myself but it always ended the same way.i am not blaming these actions all on liquor i know that its my fault for drinking in the first place. as you can tell i became quite the little alcoholic i even landed my self in the hospital and sometimes in court for drinking. at this point i basically had NO friends. id chat with some people at school and it was too bad but we never hungout. because of all the meds i was on my metabolism slowed plus i wasnt going out and getting much exersize plus i started working in a kitchen and eating all day and i have a huge appetite. i was confident before atleast with my looks id put on makeup everyday and i was slim and tall ( 160 pounds 6ft ), i believe thats what kept me out of completely hating myself. anyways i gained like 20 pounds and got more selfconcious. then i went to rehab and got my drinking out of control where i gained even more weight. in total i gained 80 pounds in 5 months and i have massive stretch marks. i am doing okay in school and theres no drinking problems anymore. but i feel worthless now. i dont put on any makeup anymore or dressup all i can fit in is yogas and swats now and i always wear huge sweaters because im embarrised of my tummy. i feel liek other girls pull off being chubby amazingly but i just look discusting and theres no point in trying. i now doing nothing but go to school and come home and sit around all day. im still gaining weight. i cant hold a conversation for **** because i do nothing therfor have nothing to talk about i guess.. idk im just awkward fat dum and alone now.