Working towards curing myself
Over the years I have really been trying to think what the exact cause of my SA is and why whatever help I try to get doesn't make me better.
The cause was poking me in the face all along... My own family.
I'm not going into all of it in detail but all of my life I have been criticised, accused of doing things I haven't done and made to feel stupid by my own family. This originally started many years ago because they were having a hard time in their own lives and needed someone to take their frustration out on. Because they have done it for so long, they have convinced themselves that I am a really bad person.
I get no say regarding anything that happens in this house. My opinion simply doesn't count. The family members here are far from the most intelligent people, but if I don't agree with them about something the same old response comes from them, "It's my house, pack your stuff and leave". I avoid those situations by staying in my room and but up being criticised even further.
They speak to me like dirt and criticise everything I do yet over all these years have never once said the word "sorry". In fact its the opposite. They will deny ever speaking to me like dirt and claim it's all me.
The fact is, weather intentional or not, this is mental bullying at it's finest.
Now here comes the good part...
I have realised that they are the problem and have reached boiling point for it. I have applied for a new home, gathered so much evidence to prove how bad the situation at home is that will help with the progression.
I do feel more positive now. The fact that i'm leaving them behind who are in constant denial about how they treat me. I can finally wash my hands of them and be in recovery to undo the damage they have done.
Just looking forward to having my own place now and in a years time (when my health is fully back on track) I can come back here and say "See, its you who has been the problem, not me"