Working towards curing myself - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-09-2015, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
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Working towards curing myself

Over the years I have really been trying to think what the exact cause of my SA is and why whatever help I try to get doesn't make me better.

The cause was poking me in the face all along... My own family.

I'm not going into all of it in detail but all of my life I have been criticised, accused of doing things I haven't done and made to feel stupid by my own family. This originally started many years ago because they were having a hard time in their own lives and needed someone to take their frustration out on. Because they have done it for so long, they have convinced themselves that I am a really bad person.

I get no say regarding anything that happens in this house. My opinion simply doesn't count. The family members here are far from the most intelligent people, but if I don't agree with them about something the same old response comes from them, "It's my house, pack your stuff and leave". I avoid those situations by staying in my room and but up being criticised even further.

They speak to me like dirt and criticise everything I do yet over all these years have never once said the word "sorry". In fact its the opposite. They will deny ever speaking to me like dirt and claim it's all me.

The fact is, weather intentional or not, this is mental bullying at it's finest.

Now here comes the good part...

I have realised that they are the problem and have reached boiling point for it. I have applied for a new home, gathered so much evidence to prove how bad the situation at home is that will help with the progression.

I do feel more positive now. The fact that i'm leaving them behind who are in constant denial about how they treat me. I can finally wash my hands of them and be in recovery to undo the damage they have done.

Just looking forward to having my own place now and in a years time (when my health is fully back on track) I can come back here and say "See, its you who has been the problem, not me"
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-09-2015, 12:20 PM
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Wish you the best!

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-09-2015, 05:34 PM
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Sorry about you rfamily Pete.
Try to stay strong, and know your self-worth.
Don't let them take their anger on you. Stand up for yourself
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-09-2015, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks both. Exactly. For all these years I put my health second and the fact they are family above everything else. I would be spoken to like dirt, live for days in my room to avoid them and by then would forget how badly they upset me.

Gradually over the years it got so much worse. I was constantly in my room because even when I stuck up for myself, it just built up even more negative in their heads about me (bear in mind they started it but never will admit they are in the wrong).

When I was getting help with depression and told them, they would always twist it round or use it as ammo against me (When I calmly didn't agree with them, I was called mental and out of control). So yeah, at the end I simply said nothing to them about anything.

So much better now though that I know soon enough I will be away from this and can finally (after too many years) start healing
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-15-2015, 09:19 PM
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OP I was in the same situation. Only it was mainly my mom who has narcissistic personality disorder who scapegoated me for everything and told me I was a piece of sh** who should never have been born.

Things got a lot better after I moved out to live in dorms in college but I was so damaged from a lifetime of child abuse that I still couldn't act normal. I needed a support group of friends and fellow SA sufferers.

What I recommend for you is to CUT OUT all of these toxic family members. Love is stronger than blood, i.e. your family is the people who support you and love you unconditionally, whether or not they're related to you.

Then find a therapist and meet up with fellow SA sufferers on a regular basis.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Wayne Gretzky

Living in the East Bay Area in California; my hometown's Mississauga, Ontario.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-16-2015, 04:24 PM
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I have a similar situation, except my family is only me and my mother. My mother works a lot. Work is probably the reason why she is always in a bad mood and yells at me. She loves me, I know that, but she doesn't understand that it is wrong to always yell at me and to tell me negative comments. For example, if I forgot something she would say something negative like "next time don't forget your brain". When I speak (and English is not my native language) she tells me that I sound like my nose is stuffed, I sound really quiet, and don't look people in the eyes. The way I talk is awful according to her words. She treats me like an idiot, and sometimes tells me that I am not adjusted for life. I understand that she is my mother and I know that she loves me. She works very hard, but that doesn't give her permission to yell at me like that!
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