Definitely. Itís a perspective thing. And thatís what I meant.
It really is hard to accurately explain that experience, but in that shift in consciousness, that reversal, I decided extroverts have it worse. And thatís when the epiphany hit me.
My thinking about the more extroverted having it worse was/is basically: Needing someone, anyone - Being attached to people like that can be something of a hindrance to individual growth. It can be stifling, especially if youíre attached to a destructive group of people. But also you canít, or itís very hard to start, thinking differently.. thinking outside of this and pursuing something different. Something that is healthier for you, because youíre stuck to this idea, this feeling rather, of needing people. I also think that the more extroverted people can get a lot more sad, lonely, and maybe even violent.
Putting it into perspective like that, I realized how free I really can be.. to make my own way. Free to take my own route, -a significantly less traveled route. Free to do out of the ordinary things, and it may and can take me somewhere grand.
I do want to say that for sure there are different shades of introverted and extroverted, not one shade. Obviously everyone is different. This is apparent when I take into consideration the vast array of possible attributes. There may even be social ambivalence where the need, or want, for people comes and goes at varying degrees.
None of this is to say I donít/canít enjoy being around others or someone. In fact I often think it might be nice to meet someone, a girl, just as a friend. Maybe she is in a similar world to mine and we could relate. I donít want to idealize a person, because I know thatís what I fear others will do to me. I donít know, maybe it sounds weird. Itís just.. I find that sweet and gentle temperament that girls tend to have ĖI find it something beautiful.
I think we all share universal feelings. Feelings of fear and desire. (Of course, the different peoples react to them differently). And I think that being subjected to, -whether it be a group of happy, or interesting looking people. Or, a girl you are attracted to. For her skin, her figure, her face, her voice, her mannerisms. Whatever it may be, it has a way of bringing out a want for her. And the more you think about her the more you want to be with her in some way, even if you don't know exactly how or in what way. And I think to varying degrees this much is true for everyone. So, it's the immersion, the seeing, that makes you want. And want more so.
I think for the socially anxious and more introverted, the more you think about what you don't have and feel you are not doing right, -the more you beat yourself up. You don't necessarily want it or need it, but if you're subjected to it, you do to some degree.
So I guess essentially what my epiphany did for me is make me feel more free and realize I donít have to feel like the one the world is coming down on. That I can embrace being introverted - that itís okay to be me, and I actually have a lot of options and things Iím free to go do and try.
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll definitely be checking that book out, it sounds interesting. I really like what I've found and I've been feeling better lately because of it, and the book may help even more.