The moments & Leap Of Faith
Several months have passed since I have logged in here. During summer, I was still deep in the grips of social anxiety, but one day all of that was going to change. A friend ( That I now owe a lot ) called me and asked me if I wanted a job, said "No" several times during the phone call, but after awhile, something inside me decided to say "Yes". Went for it, after the call, my body and mind was racing, felt as if it was the end of days. Was near tears, what had I done!? I said "Yes". How could I be stupid enough to say "Yes". Well, I did and now, several months after I'm beyond the grip social anxiety had on me. I'm ALIVE, experience moments, events with acceptance and the anxiety that was out of control are no longer strong, it's weaker than it has ever been. I sit on the throne of my mind, body, and health. It's still here, whispering in my ears, trying to push me down from the throne and once more rejoice as The King but no, every attempt has failed. Was shrouded in darkness, socially handicapped and wasn't "alive". It's about that leap of faith, saying "Yes". Believe it or not, it's okay to feel the fear within, let yourself feel anxiety, fear, panic, let yourself feel it all and not only the mental part but the physical as well. Feel the shivers, feel the heartbeats, feel the sweat, feel the loss of your voice. It's okay, FEEL it all. When that moment arrives, when you stand on the edge, about to take the decision of leaping or staying put and the anxiety whispers into your ears, listen to it how much you want but do what you know is right, what you feel to be right. Not what the voice says, not the feelings of your body. Trust yourself and take the leap of faith, because, in the end, it will be worth it. It's important to say this, don't look down upon yourself in shame if you say "No", there will be other moments. The most important aspect of it all is to try, remember "Leap of faith". I took it, absolutely terrified and feared it all, but every day became easier and easier. Now, only a few months in and I work with hundreds of people quite literally every day, a person with social phobia's worst nightmare and now, I'm social phobias worst nightmare, hahaha. Felt it necessary to show you that it's not the end, go for the moment and keep on fighting, you have people in the world ready to support you and help you become free from the grip of social phobia.
PS, my friend that saved me. If you ever read this somehow, thank you for everything. You gave me "The moment" and it changed my life!