I was in Year 6 when I first experienced bullying. I was called names because of how quiet I was. I was quiet because of them, the bullies themselves. It frustrates me so much that they don't understand that different people will react differently to these things.
Right. Off to my first secondary school. Everything went downhill because of all this. I was bullied.. physically, verbally, and on top of that, cyber bullied too. And I couldn't tell a soul because I was so afraid of everything and so fragile.
I was split up from all of my friends and I was so so so lonely. I asked to move tutor 6 times and all 5 times rejected, when finally for that 6th time they accepted. I WAS FINALLY ALLOWED TO MOVE CLASS!
It was much worse than I thought. Only 2 of my friends, that I was not even that close too were in that tutor. I didn't know this then.. but why need friends when you can do better on your own?
That school was terrible.. so I left. I went off to my second secondary school.
It was a bad idea. Probably worse than my previous school. Yet again, I was bullied.. physically, verbally. I felt so unsafe in my classrooms. The teacher couldn't control the class, the headteacher ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS had to check in on my year in the classes. They were all horrible. And I also moved to that school because my best friend went there.. but she ENJOYS it there? I don't understand. How. Just how.
So I left that school too. I was so fed up of all the crap I was receiving from other people, and I didn't even know WHY they despised me so much? People were so so unbelievable aghast toward me. One time I was sat at my locker sorting out my stuff and I got kicked, purposely, in the head by some kid that I didn't even know. I shouted at him and I told a teacher but they did nothing. They completely ignored the situation.
So I did part-time, you could call it. Hiding in the toilets or in the empty teacher's office during lessons. I didn't care anymore. All of this had strongly triggered my depression.
I was so thankful with one understanding teacher, on the day she was leaving I asked if I could drop P.E as a subject as it didn't matter to me (this was a massive lie.. I love sport, but I wanted to avoid being punched in the stomach every time. Yes, on purpose. The teacher always saw and did nothing). And she did, one teacher came to her senses, what an absolute miracle!
But that still wasn't enough. So I left the school and became home-schooled, all I've ever wanted to be for the past 2 or 3 years.
I am currently home-schooled now, and I am enjoying it far better than anything, I can learn what I want when I want with just me, mum and my younger brother (who also became home-schooled because of bullying at the same school I went to).
We moved house, I'm spending less time on the computer and finding new talents such as keyboard-playing (I am learning how to play Clocks by Coldplay
I'm getting there) I'm getting pretty good at drawing, I read more, play with my puppy and my cat, relax and talk to the fish, watch my hamster in his ball... all the things I had hardly done beforehand.
I am still changing as I grow.. heading towards the job I most desire. Becoming more confident with myself, I can say to myself "No more abuse, bullying, suffering, and being so afraid,"
I have changed with my confidence, which is my main thing. I am hoping to change the ways I think, so I don't think about negative things anymore.
I have achieved goals I am proud of.. such as going shopping and talking to people.. paying for something at the till without being so afraid of being criticized for how I do things, without being so afraid of being kicked in the head by some random person. Yet I am still making these little changes, and the more changes you make the bigger they become.
And that, is how I have changed. Still conquering those tiny things, but no matter how small they are, at least I am proud of doing things at my own pace. It's gonna take a while, but it'll be worth it.