Shame attacking and beyond... - Page 16 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #301 of 309 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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I’ve been meaning to update here for ages, but time constraints, and a continual mental remapping of what I thought was true but isn’t; have delayed me!
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post #302 of 309 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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Important point no. 1:

I believe we each have our own distinct and individual character, which must be released somehow. Trying to force through a personality of yourself, which you believe is you, however isn’t; will result in lots of negative emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc....
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post #303 of 309 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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Point number 2:

Biases and judgments make the mind sick. This is so subtle, yet so behaviour altering! I’ve realised that I’m always carrying a bias around with me, and never approaching each moment in life from a clean slate. Therefore, everything I experience is tainted according to the bias I have at that moment.

“We see things as we are, not as they are.”

When people say “live in the moment”, this is what it means. Bias free and judgment free - just be, and go with the flow of existence, without your biased mind impeding events.

However, I’m yet to discover or decide if a positive bias and positive judgements about people or situations, are harmful for living in the moment like negative ones. Something to test...
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post #304 of 309 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
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Point 3:

Don’t try to micromanage your social interactions by overthinking what to say or how to be. Just like we don’t think about how we move our tongue while chewing, let that same idea permeate how you act with others. All we need to do is stop the negative thought processes and our real self will just flow out. It’s all about releasing rather than creating - we’re already there within ourselves, always have been.

Socrates and the marble carving he did comes to mind; he carved a beautiful statue from a block of marble, yet he refused to take any credit from his admirers. He gave all credit to the gods instead. All he did he said, was to take away the bits that weren’t supposed to be there, and what he was left with, was beauty. It had always been there.
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post #305 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-28-2019, 03:02 PM Thread Starter
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3 actions that are all connected, which have worked in letting my real personality flow out of myself in a way natural to me:

1. Stopping all thoughts about how I think I should be in social settings. If I let my mind decide and dictate how I’ll act, think and go about interactions, I end up being a hollow and poor imitation of my real self. Not only am I less engaging and authentic, but I feel less connected to others and myself. This tends to lead to feelings of being lost and alone.

2. Following on from point 1, and very much intertwined, is how I need to let the will/life/urge/spirit in me lead, and not the mind. By going with the will and urge within, and not censoring or filtering it with the mind; the real me comes out. As a result I feel infinitely better emotionally and mentally. When I do this, I actually think there’s a way I can live comfortably in my own skin, which I haven’t done in any consistency for my whole life yet. Life could actually feel like maybe it’s intended to, or at least not a constant swim against the current, which it has been so far.

3. For all the above to happen, I think I need a calm mental state, a quietened mental state. Trying to think what to say all the time, or always thinking how to act or move is completely exhausting and unsustainable. Living should not be so tiring, I just think I need to let my will/spirit manifest itself, and to be transmitted through a relaxed mind. As opposed to the mind cutting off the will, and deciding how to act without the authenticity of my real self.


I realise this all sounds a bit confusing, but I needed to write this down for myself while it’s fresh again and making sense to me. The abstraction of these concepts get easily lost in day to day living, and the habitual mistakes of living I’ve been making all these years.
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post #306 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-28-2019, 03:09 PM Thread Starter
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Don’t let the tail (mind) wag the dog (will/spirit).
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post #307 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 12:53 AM Thread Starter
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Don’t think, just be.
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post #308 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 02:08 AM Thread Starter
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Living in the present....

Another way of trying to describe this state everyone’s familiar with
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post #309 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 02:42 PM Thread Starter
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It’s a complete shift of focus; from thinking about what to say and do, and how it’s perceived; to just saying and doing as my will wants and needs. The thinking is really kept to a minimum. In this state I change from reacting to situations in my behaviour, to initiating according to the want of my will. This can be the smallest of things, such as getting up to make a coffee regardless of who may be watching. I’m convinced not doing something just because someone’s there, or you’re fearful for some reason, has a negative effect on your inner and physical self, as you’ve impeded the expression and release of your will/spirit.
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