Tonight I just became conscious to the fact that the bouts of bitterness and anger I experience start with a specific thought and feeling. That's the trigger. And it's like a snap of the fingers and I'm in it. And I can't get out because when it comes it's easier to continue to confirm what I'm already feeling. And though I'm conscious of it, it doesn't make it any less real. That's the nature of it.
I don't want to give myself the time to remember old negative, bitter thought pathways.
Because I know that's what it is. Time spent in isolation.
I need to get out and move around, do things, make progress, then come home and rest, and continue to fill my days with meaning like this.
I'm not quite sure if this is the right place for me to post this in. In some way I think this is a triumph because it was me becoming aware of the workings of my bitterness and how it comes along, and ultimately what I can do to stop it from happening anymore.