Post Here Whenever You Take A Positive Step - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-20-2019, 12:45 AM
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I went for another walk, and the park was busier than yesterday. I only walk around it once in case I look like Iím doing something suspicious, but my parents said most people would walk around it a few times and that I would look normal, so Iíll walk around it more than once next time.
Sounds good - I don't think anyone would think you were doing anything suspicious.

Well I went to the market to see my friend - I used to sell with all those people years ago at a different book market. This one is going to be better I think. I need to get my act together now and join them again - a few of the guys I know made a lot of money there today very quickly, it was crazy. Nice atmosphere too with lots of people wanting to ask about books and then buy them.

I just hope I can do it with all this dizziness I get lately. I'll try though.
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post #22 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-20-2019, 03:18 PM
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I somewhat made my first video recording. I decided to say a "Hi" to my little cousin. I figure maybe doing one for him would kind of help with my nervousness. I sent the link to my older cousin. I did ok. I literally stink.


I'm trying to make another video so I could post it on the "Post a Video of yourself" thread. I'm really bad at this.


Anyway that is what I did today.

Also: My actual first video I uploaded on Youtube was a poem song I had wrote and tried to recite. That video is private. No one saw it but my Mom.

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post #23 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-21-2019, 09:17 AM
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Last night, I told off a coworker that has been "snitching" on me to my manager and made me afraid I was almost going to get fired, so I guess I was able to grow some kind of backspine after all. Manager had a talk with me that I didn't clean up after myself yesterday, even though I stayed behind to. I'm guessing she is the one who told on me, but either way, if there was something I forgot to get or something I feel like they should have told me.

She was vaping inside the store, being out of uniform, messing up multiple orders and yet had the audacity to tell the manager on me for a drink I didn't remake for her. (One that she messed up) Considering it seems like she's worked here much longer, I told her if there is such a problem she should let me know first. This girl started talking trash about me, right within my ear range, then acts all nice and friendly with me. What is with people always ****-talking me right when I'm a couple of inches away? Are they that poor at it, do they think I'm deaf..or? lol

There is this other coworker that started talking to me, who seems pretty cool. It made my shift much easier this time around. I suppose having around even just one or two coworkers that don't gossip or ****-talk can make all the difference sometimes.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
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post #24 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 04:04 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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Sounds good - I don't think anyone would think you were doing anything suspicious.
Thanks. When I went today, I walked around twice instead of once. Someone else was doing the same, so I didnít feel weird. We kept passing each other, which felt awkward in case she thought I was following her. I felt like turning around and walking in the opposite direction, but I didnít let myself.

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post #25 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 04:06 AM
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Meditated even tho I was tired.
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post #26 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 03:45 PM
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Meditated even tho I was tired.
I'm very tired today too - must have been the hot day yesterday.
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post #27 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 03:50 PM
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I'm very tired today too - must have been the hot day yesterday.
I'm even more tired today, only had 3-4 hours of sleep. Was gonna go see my brother but don't know if I'll be able to.
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post #28 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 03:52 PM
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I'm even more tired today, only had 3-4 hours of sleep. Was gonna go see my brother but don't know if I'll be able to.
That's terrible you're having so much trouble getting enough sleep - wonder what's causing it?
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post #29 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 03:56 PM
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That's terrible you're having so much trouble getting enough sleep - wonder what's causing it?
I haven't had that much trouble falling asleep lately but it happens every now and then.
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post #30 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-22-2019, 08:17 PM
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Finally made a drs appointment: )

I know a poet. Heís as sweet as pie, writes poems about me that make me cry. Arthur Miller, 12 years senior, heís my bugga baby sigh.
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post #31 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-24-2019, 03:48 PM
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I ran for a half hour in my neighborhood! I usually go to a treadmill, but I don't have access to one currently and I haven't gone ina few months. It was difficult and my sides HURT but now I feel a bit happier!
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post #32 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-25-2019, 01:37 AM Thread Starter
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I think I got a few weird looks today when I went shopping, but I’m not worried about it.

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post #33 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-31-2019, 10:44 AM
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Today i spoke on the phone with a recruiter. Beforehand i noticed on her profile that we attended the same university although she was there a long time after me. Anyway i was eager to ask her about it before the end of the call, and i managed it and i inquired which flats she stayed in etc. All in all it seemed quite well received.
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post #34 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-03-2019, 10:17 AM
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i just posted a photo of myself in glasses, lol
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post #35 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-05-2019, 11:56 AM
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^ : D



This was small but I came across some notes I had written in a small notepad some time around 2009 and 2011. It was in my box of art stuff. Anyway I had a list of the things I didn't like about myself. Stuff like "I hate myself" "I am slow" "I am helpless" "I am sensitive" "I hate my personality" and some other stuff. Another note's main target was my "slowness" and how I learned. My reading comprehension is a bit weak so I felt bad about that at that time. {I still do} I was pretty hard on myself back then. {I'm somewhat am} The bright side about writing those things back then I had also written a list of "I can's." So I wasn't too messed up back then to not try to see myself in a good way.


Today for whatever reason, I threw away the negative notes. No need for me to keep them. I'm not as hard on myself as I was back then. I was going to throw away the positive list because it is an old list but I figure I should keep it. I threw away a list of my "100 things to do in a life time." I had a lot of silly unrealistic stuff I didn't see myself doing. Like sailing the 7 seas, swimming with the sea turtles, seeing a UFO, something about having George W. Bush or Hillary spit shinning my shoes, seeing the Grand Canyon, seeing a particular volcanoe in Africa, finding the Spinx's nose in the desert. I was a dreamer. {I'm still am. LOL} It is not that I don't believe I can do these things. I just changed my mind. Besides some of it I wrote just for fun. I still would like to watch the Sunrise and the Sunset at the beach and see my family {except my walked out on his Family Dad} live a happy life.


I just find it strange that I happen to throw those notes away today. {I went in my art box to find retrieve a small notepad. I guess it was meant for me to throw them out at this particular time in my life.}


SPIRITO BAMBITO
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post #36 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 07:41 PM
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Went to a bible study with my friend. It was good. She said I was stiff lol. I was bobbing, raise a hand, palms out oh well. She is a cool girl, very attractive just not sure we're right there spiritually. Great night overall though so many people.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #37 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 08:37 PM
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I told someone I'm talking to that I didn't like something she said to me. (just chatting on whatsapp so it was obviously easier though) I still find that sort of thing very difficult - and I'm over-sensitive. She's very direct about things and she said sorry, she was just joking, and that she wouldn't do it again. I get a good feeling from her.

I even told her yesterday I'm bipolar. That normally scares the hell out of me but with this person it wasn't too bad. And she still wants to talk so that's good.
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post #38 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 08:46 PM
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Since I have been away for so long (since 2017), many things have happened. I actually beat my depression and anxiety back in February. I am very proud of myself. I can finally do the things I want and live a normal life. I am who I am, I love myself. 13 years of anxiety and depression finally ends. Time to do soooo much with my life.

Be kind to one another
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post #39 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:07 PM
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First time wearing a skirt at this job!!
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post #40 of 103 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 02:35 PM
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Even though I have SA ringing up to make appointments is no problem to me. It was in the pat but now it's no issue. I'm thankful for htat.


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