My Story: From a Loser to a Winner... and still learning - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 09:20 PM
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LOL

so you went from attracting zero girls, and now magically attratcting lots of girls, just because your mind changed ? lol

this could be a hollywood movie for real


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post #42 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 10:45 PM Thread Starter
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i just started college today, i wasn't really nervous in fact i wanted to talk kinda more like make funny comments , but still held back. I only answered one question out loud, what do i do now, make comments to others in class?

the teacher was talking the entire time i didn't wanna just start saying funny **** especially since some of it was about him and i was sitting in the front? What would happen like in high school teacher just screams at you and whatever you just start again later, in college what would happen would they kick me out?

What should i start doing from now on to have a better social life and make friends? Just talk about school work?

oh yeah i go to a city college so i don't live in a dorm.
Alright man, good job. Just don't hold back unless you feel like you're talking too much. Talking in class is more of a high school situation I think, but the reason you should talk in class is to ask questions and not only pretend like you're engaged, but by actually being engaged in the environment. No matter what other people say, girls LOVE guys that have brains. If they have more to offer, even better. So once you get mor engaged in class, you will probably feel more comfortable in class.

This comfortability will enable others to talk to you without being afraid to talk to you. And this even makes it A LOT easier for you to start conversation. Being comfortable is 80 percent of what we call confidence. So take chances, be more comfortable. But remember, the objective here is to talk to other classmates and not just the teacher. The teacher is a great starting ground, but we need progress. Message me or respond here if you need more help

- pudz

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post #43 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 10:49 PM Thread Starter
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That is a simple concept, but it is absolutely true. I've made a lot of improvements challenging reactions to experiences I've had, even in the moment. Really, nobody can make you feel nervous or embarrassed but you. Again, simplistic concept but when you are able to apply it practically it is freakin empowering. (that is also the hard part)

Perm validation comes from within and being proud of the decisions you have made and will make over time. Temp. validation comes from the wanted outcomes and approval of others.

So remember one of the rules I acknowledged of "If you're not awkward, she won't feel awkward"?

This is exactly why this works to some extent.

"Really, nobody can make you feel nervous or embarrassed but you."

It's all in YOUR mind of what awkward is perceived as. Sure, there are some "norms" of society, but there are very outgoing people with no anxiety that do AWKWARD things. So just brush it off, keep going, act like nothing happened and others will feel comfortable around you!

- pudz

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post #44 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 10:52 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by coketo158 View Post
LOL

so you went from attracting zero girls, and now magically attratcting lots of girls, just because your mind changed ? lol

this could be a hollywood movie for real



Absolutely. ALOT of things had to happen in order for this to happen... but all the hard work paid off. I'm lifting weights and doing extreme cardio drills at the gym for 2 hours a day so my mood is boosted even more.

Im now even working on not letting my ego and confidence get to me... I'm not arrogant yet, but my abs and arms are making me get there lol....

If you want to be in this situation, do something about it. It's not a bad situation to be in. I didn't grow up like this as a child with SA, so I have brains too, which makes it even better! Girls love guys with as much abs as he has brains haha

And if your comment was sarcastic, keep it to yourself next time because what goes inside your brain is what really matters.
Remember... Nothing is impossible.



- pudz

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post #45 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-28-2011, 07:21 PM
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ok i have no problem talking to the teacher but what to i say to other classmates, just mention stuff about class? also i ran into some out of class now what just talk about anything?
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post #46 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-28-2011, 07:47 PM Thread Starter
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You can either talk about something you've experienced during your few days in college or talk about class and then gradually feel more comfortable about talking about something else. The second process can take up to a week or two for me if it's a girl I have interest in. It would be instant if it was a guy.
This is simply due to the fact I have experiences similar to other guys. So your next step would be to talk about class, make comments or ask if they understand something.
Then maybe gradually ask if they want to study with you together, then get their number.
Once you're out of the classroom area, it is a lot more appropriate to talk about social life at your college. Ask if they've been to parties and ask what they're like. You don't even need to have gone to one before. Just ask what it's like because all freshman love talking about parties and how crazy last weekend was.

If you're not into the party scene, ask if there's something to do on campus. That expands to not only night time, but daytime activities. Ask about the gym if you like sports or working out. Ask about other club.s Tons of stuff to talk about.

This is when you need to realize you need to branch out and experience life. Because down the road when you're talking to some random stranger, you'll know what he says when... that party was crazy or some 5'7 guy did a 360 dunk in the gym.

So to summarize, the next step after being comfortable to talking to people is to relate and relate and relate. And then experience. And then relate to their experience with your experience.

Anything else?
- pudz

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post #47 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-28-2011, 08:31 PM Thread Starter
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And think about this too:

Why do adults in the professional world tend to talk about their career / job or economy or politics that kids and teens think are boring and not about their past crazy binge drinking every friday nights?

Because people can relate more to their current and not past. Whatever you're doing at that time, you have experience to give and even more experience and insight to take in.

And why don't young teens and children talk about stocks and politics more? Because they have a hard time relating to it.

It's simple as that, but because people on this board have Social Anxiety and can't experience these with a calm or engaging mind, but instead are so nervous they can't relate to the normal outgoing person, they have a harder time.

- pudz

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post #48 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-29-2011, 07:43 AM
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Great post! What I wanna know is: why does everyone who goes from having SA to not having SA have to refer to their former self as a "loser?" I thought I was pretty cool even when others did not. My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.
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post #49 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-29-2011, 07:58 AM
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My life so far is similar to yours pudz, my last year I tried to change, I would speak up in classes to teacher like you would, and like you I had a friend, and friends online who I played allot of computer games with, and also like you, I wasn't a nerd I was a total loser. But the one thing that was different is that I went to a all boy school, so my social skills with the opposite sex are terrible probably lol.

Anyhow currently I'm 16 from the UK, waiting to start college, hoping to leave the years of fighting,violence,bullying,depression and social anxiety behind me. I'm preparing for college, I'm improving my appearance, and researching how to socialise etc, also pursuing my hobbies. But constantly I think to myself, what's the point? College will be just the same. It's hard to stay motivated, when there isn't much to live for.

Also just wanted to say that your post was very inspiring, and improved my hopes for college^^ and I'm very happy for you.
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post #50 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-29-2011, 11:16 AM
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Awesome inspirational story dude. I had similar thing and it's progressing very well. You got to feel good about yourself, be motivated and confident!
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post #51 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-29-2011, 12:00 PM
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wow awesome story. I really want to do the same ))
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post #52 of 52 (permalink) Old 07-29-2011, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae West View Post
Great post! What I wanna know is: why does everyone who goes from having SA to not having SA have to refer to their former self as a "loser?" I thought I was pretty cool even when others did not. My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.
I agree with this, " My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.[/QUOTE]" I think once we are able to get that into our heads.. we 'd all be social butterflies. Social anxiety is just really being extremely self conscious.
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