My Marijuana Addiction - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 01-31-2019, 07:28 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 25
My Mood: Twisted

My Marijuana Addiction

Ever since I was a child I was afraid to speak with people. Everyone made me scared , intimidated and small. Let me tell how bad it was, I was too afraid to go to work and socialize...that i ended up losing my job twice. If someone were to insult me in public i wouldnt say anything because I was a coward. And if someone needed my help I couldnt help them, because I didnt want to help myself. The depression made it worse, it made me addicted to weed. I've wasted 6 years of my life just getting high. At first it was fun but then it just became a routine. Why I did it? Well I felt depressed, and whenever I smoked marijunana i felt smelled good. And when you're feeling as bad I did you would do anything to feel great, no matter how much it leaves you vunerable to more harm. My life was like a moth, i was attracted to this fake happiness this fake light that I thought was real. Not knowing that it was going to hurt me in the end, not knowing that it was going to shock me and send me to the ground. If only I had chased the real light, I wouldn't have fell so hard and became broken. Did you know when a moth gets attracted to a lamp it leaves its self open for predators? Well I was the prey, and depression was the predator. It caught me, swallowed and spit me out. I became a moth with a broken wing. I was addicted to weed since I was 18, im 24 now. No job, no college, no car because I was always fed my problem. It wasnt until yesterday that met these two gentlemen at the supermarket that made me feel like I could stop. I was shopping for groceries with my girlfriend until all of a sudden two men approach me. One was dressed very formal, and the other looked as if he just got out of prison. They asked me what church I went to, I lied and said someplace in Waxahachie so I can get them to go away. But they didnt leave, they stayed next to me and asked if I had any problems i was dealing with. This was something I could not lie about. I told them I was depressed, they stood silent for a second. Then they asked if they could pray for me...I said yes. I know what a lot of athiest are probably thinking "oh here we go again",* just here me out for a second. As I use to be athiest, ive watched almost every debate of Christopher Hitchens. All four of us grabbed hands, me "the addict", my girlfriend, the priest and the man who appeared to be an ex con. We were in the middle of the supermarket, praying where everyone could see us. Do you know how anxiety provoking that feels? Everyone watching you, and we weren't speaking low either. But for some reason, I didnt feel anxious? I didnt care about who saw me? It felt amazing to not feel anxiety, it felt normal. After they were done praying, we gave each other hugs and they went on their way. Before I walked into that supermarket i felt worried and uncomfortable, but after I met those men I felt warm and free... As if I found the real light. I walked that entire store as if there was nobody there. Once I got home I did get high again, but then I noticed how awful it felt, how fake it was, how it was leading me no where. I threw away the addiction, and then I noticed a little moth chasing the lights ive had hanged inside my window. I grabbed it, went outside to set it free but it didnt want to leave my hand. So i went back inside, and it flew to the wall. Woke up the next morning and didnt see it. Some people say that moths are a omen of death. Yes I believe it was death, death of my addiction... and death to my depression.

This is my story
Stay strong friends,



This inspired me to create a design that relates to my story and represent those who are willing to see the better, those who are sensitive, and those who believe in love. Its a moth with the words "Determination & Faith" above its right wing.
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