My attempts at getting a girlfriend - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #41 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-06-2013, 03:58 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Gender: Male
Posts: 81
hey-inspiring reading. Although I reckon something like a running club would be perfect to sort of join.
spades07 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #42 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-07-2013, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 181
I saw crush #2 at work today (I find several customers attractive lol). I was walking with a cart of empty cardboard and she was ahead of me. She looked lost (She was looking up at the aisle numbers). She then headed back in my direction and this is what happened:

Me (Looking at her and smiling)
Her (Making eye contact and smiling at me)

Me: Hey, you need help finding anything?
Her: No thanks (She walked away)

That was it...

I was hoping she would have needed help and then I could have walked her to the item. I would have then said, "So, how was your day?" and after that, not sure... I then saw her at the register playing with her smartphone. So, maybe she has a man. I'll keep talking to her though each time I see her. I would like to build rapport though and get passed just being a friendly employee. I wish people would want me as much as I want them.

Also on a side note, I forced myself to smile a lot more today and people were friendlier towards me (I even had a few customers greet me first). I made an effort to talk more to my associates (Ask questions, make comments, etc).

I'm almost certain I'm going to see crush #1 (The lady with the kid) tomorrow. I really hope I talk to her. Even though I'm 99% sure she is in a relationship and I doubt I'll ever ask her out (Or any customer). Just talking to her will make me feel better about myself.

I think next week I'm going to hang out at the bowling alley at night and hope to meet some women there (During galactic bowling).
franklin86 is offline  
post #43 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-07-2013, 08:38 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 74
Dude you are me right now!! Im 20 aswell and never been in a relatiop with a woman. i love what youre doing here and im trying to do the same thing just taking a different appriach to get me motivated by not watching porn or looking at pics of hot girls (punishing myself for not approaching girls irl). Cant wait for more stories man! Im glad were crossing paths with our lives being so similar now!

Also i noticed that both times u went to the park the women were wearing ear buds. maybe you could ask what theyre listening to as a convo starter if it happens again? Just an idea
paleasian is offline  
post #44 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-07-2013, 11:02 PM
the last song ♥
 
prettyful's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: somewhere
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,414
Quote:
Originally Posted by franklin86 View Post
I'm in my late 20s and have been single my whole life. It's because I haven't put myself out there. I have read the pick up artist material as well as "How to approach women" articles online. However, I want to just be myself and find someone who can like me for who I am (Not what lines/techniques I have memorized/implemented). I have gotten to the point where I'm sick of being alone and I am going to share my approaches with you all. By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.

Approach 1 (10/31):
I was walking the park today and a woman slowly jogging in the opposite direction of me, caught my attention. When she passed me, I turned back to look at her. Normally, I would have kept walking in the opposite direction but I reached the point where I wanted to try to approach her. I ended up walking in her direction and she kept getting farther and farther. So, I ended up running after her. I caught up to her and passed her because I didn't want to stalk her from behind. Then, I stopped running and walked so she could catch up to me. When she would catch up to me, I would start running again. The whole time, I was thinking of what to say to her (She had headphones on also). The whole me running ahead of her and walking for her to catch up to me happened for about 15 min.

Later, no matter how much I slowed down, she would not pass me. I then turned back around and saw that she had headed towards the middle of the park. Instead of directly following her, I walked a bit of a distance away from her and then decided to approach her. As I got near her, she turned her neck around to face me. This is what happened:

Me: "Hey, how's it going?"
Woman: (Who seemed a little uncomfortable by me IMO) said, "Good"
Me: "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just wanted to say that you look nice." (I felt that I had creeped her out by waiting so long to talk to her, so my goal was to just give her a compliment and walk away)
*Brief awkward silence*
Woman (smiling): Thanks, I just had a baby and I'm trying to lose some weight.
Me: "I'm trying to lose weight too, I walk around the park but don't seem to be losing any weight."

Then we talked about eating habits and exercise

Me: "Well, nice talking to you" (Bummed that she had a husband/boyfriend. I guess... even though she didn't mention one, I assumed that her just having a kid meant she had a man)
Woman (Extending her hand out to me, without me initiating it): "I'm _________, what's your name? I'll see you around the park."
Me: "Bye" (Or something like that)

I then walked away without looking back at her. I felt proud of myself for having the courage to talk to her. I knew that if I didn't say anything to her, I would be bummed on my ride home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by franklin86 View Post
Approach 2 (11/5):
I was at the park again and saw a cute woman jogging towards me. I then pretended to stretch and turned around to get a nice look at her dairy aire. Then I went in her direction and ran passed her. I started to walk and then she jogged by me. Then I ran again passed her and she ended up jogging next to me and then she slowed down. As I was walking next to her, this is what happened:

Me: "Does your body itch when you run? (My body was actually itching)"
Woman (reaching in her pocket to grab her phone and put her music on pause): What?
Me: "Sorry, Does your body itch when you run?"
Woman (smiling): No
Me:" "Well mine does, which is annoying since I'm trying to lose weight. I wonder if itching is common."
Woman: "I don't think so, must be some reaction."
Me: "Maybe it's hair?"
Woman: "Maybe."

Then a small voice in my head said that I'm bugging her. It said, she is trying to work out. So, I quit talking to her.

Then I ran passed her and let her pass me on and off for about an hour. When the two of us were next to each other, she never looked in my direction. Her eyes were always straight ahead. I really wanted her to look approachable but it never happened. Eventually, I lost track of her (I ran ahead of her, turned back and she was gone.) I think she may have decided to jog in the opposite direction but I'm not sure.

I'm proud of myself for not coming on in a horny way (With a compliment). I attempted to have a regular conversation, which I wish I kept going. If she would have seemed interested in me (Asked me questions, told me about herself, etc.), I may have asked her for her number. I wish this wasn't so hard...
if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.

In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
prettyful is offline  
post #45 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-08-2013, 06:20 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 74
Dont focus on the nagative nancy trolls man. the more you approach the more youll learn! Its as simple as that! Wether the comment is good or bad it means nothing becuase only you can choose wether you countinue on your quest or not!
paleasian is offline  
post #46 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-08-2013, 06:34 PM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 181
I know my approaches aren't that good. I don't look up "openers" like a lot of people.
franklin86 is offline  
post #47 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-08-2013, 07:34 PM
Loser
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by prettyful View Post
if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.
This.

Young Girl, Don't Cry
I'll Be Right Here When Your World Starts To Fall
Young Girl, It's All Right
Your Tears Will Dry, You'll Soon Be Free To Fly

Young Girl, Don't Hide
You'll Never Change If You Just Run Away
Young Girl, Just Hold Tight
And Soon You're Gonna See Your Brighter Day

Young Girl, Don't Cry
I'll Be Right Here When Your World Starts To Fall
NYCKid is offline  
post #48 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 05:28 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by prettyful View Post
if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.
no the starting sentence is a bit problematic , itching is not exactly something i would share with people since it can be a sign of certain dirtiness related deceases here , but that is just me , a medical student
If this can be associated frequently to any bad sign in USA then change it
i wouldn't ask someone if his body itches when runs personally
since it can be interpreted badly here

but it's still better than nothing , or not approaching in the first place having courage to do it is great
, but it was a nice try

one of the plan B i use is to tell here : ''that felt a bit creepy didn't it ? maybe i should had tried something else , it's hard starting conversation with someone that looks interesting ''
or maybe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouUTjtDevHk
so telling her i was trying to start a conversation and failed

why would you do that ??? now if he started following around or starting scratching his balls i would agree with you ,
zenislev is offline  
post #49 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 05:42 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 29
this is one of the best thread here , someone critical wants to improve , keep the good work and remember you have SA , so naturally you will under-evaluate your performance , try to rate it higher than what you would do , keep positive thinking
zenislev is offline  
post #50 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 12:26 PM
Happy little duck
 
Morumot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 460
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCKid View Post
This.
This x2
Morumot is offline  
post #51 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 04:13 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenislev View Post
this is one of the best thread here , someone critical wants to improve , keep the good work and remember you have SA , so naturally you will under-evaluate your performance , try to rate it higher than what you would do , keep positive thinking
Eh idj about this. ive always heard for people with SA any small victory should be celebrated and you should build off that momentum which increases your confidence.
paleasian is offline  
post #52 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 181
I'm better than I was. I still need to actually ask people out on a date/number. It's just, I feel like I don't build enough rapport/attraction to ask them out. I'm afraid it'll come on as being too strong and repulse them.
franklin86 is offline  
post #53 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-09-2013, 09:47 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 74
Look up justin wayne his day game is amazing and he escalates so fast the girls are on a date and barely realize it lol. i tried doing it but i always forget when the time comes
paleasian is offline  
post #54 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 05:00 AM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 181
I want to just be myself and not follow routines or rules. I feel like I'm a little bit missed up from reading some of the pick up artist material (I analyze way more than I normally do when interacting with women).
franklin86 is offline  
post #55 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 07:21 AM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 181
I had a few small victories today. Anything that I do outside of what I normally would have done (Say nothing, don't look at people, never smile), is what I consider a victory. These are my 3 victories this morning.

Victory 1)
I went to the park like usual and I noticed they had a film crew there. After walking around where they were stationed a couple of times, I finally spoke to one of the members of the crew. This is what happened:

Me: Are you all filming a commercial?
Crew member: Yeah, we're filming a Bright House commercial (Cable company)?
Me (joking): Can I be in the commercial?
Crew member (laughing): I wish.
Me *raising my fist up and shaking it*: They (Bright House) charge too much!
Crew member (agreeing): Tell me about, I pay $200/mo (Twice as much as I do), I feel I'm getting even with them by working for them.
Me: You should get the service for free
Crew member: Yeah, well there paying me good for being out here.
Me (Going back on my walk)
Crew member: You have a good day.
Me: You too

Victory 2)
At the park, I saw a very attractive lady jogging with headphones (Why do they always jog and wear headphones?). Anyways, she was jogging towards me and I forced myself to smile and maintain eye contact with her (It was easier since both of us had sunglasses on). I was going to say "Good morning" but I figured she wouldn't be able to hear me. As she got near me, she said good morning to me first.

We passed each other a second time, and by now I was genuinely smiling and feeling good, and again she said good morning to me. I passed her two more times after that and she didn't say good morning to me, but she did maintain eye contact and smiled at me both times (I know this doesn't mean anything since most people will smile at you if you smile at them. However, it did make me feel good).

Victory 3)
After the park, I went to the grocery store and in the check out line there was a guy yelling at his girlfriend. He was pointing his finger at her and arguing with her about not getting in her friend's business (He said something like if she want's to get fired then that's her problem). I could tell the cashier was thinking the same thing that I was (Wow this guy is a jerk for talking to his girlfriend like that). So when I checked out, I shifted my eyes over to the right (Where the couple had just been) and made a weird face (A wow I can't believe that just happened type of face). The cashier smiled and we shard that moment together.

I'm hoping for victory 4 today at work. I didn't see my crush on Sunday and there is a good chance I'm going to see her today or tomorrow. I just need to say something to her. That way I won't come home and feel like crap for not have making any attempt.
franklin86 is offline  
post #56 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 07:35 AM
caffeine user
 
dcaffeine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Dave's Basement.
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 440
Watch this. It may help. It may not. It has helped me though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWLRbj4YVRY
dcaffeine is offline  
post #57 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 09:19 AM
SAS Member
 
Droidsteel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 2,298
I like this thread

Looking forward to your next report franklin86
Droidsteel is offline  
post #58 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 10:00 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Belgium
Gender: Male
Posts: 85
hey man, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice here.
I'm not an expert at all but i did watch a tons of those so called 'pick up' videos and i made a few attempts myself.
But ofcourse this is easier said than done.anyways..

Next time you approach a girl in the park:
DON'T wait 30 minutes to talk to her.
DON'T 'chase' her while jogging or let her catch up with you.
Just stop her from jogging and tell her you wanted to talk to her cause you thought she looks pretty (be clear, state your intentions and girls love compliments).
Then try to chat her up and ask for her number. People are social animals after all.

and if everything fails, try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZEaKS6-ixk
^^
Pieter1992 is offline  
post #59 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 12:56 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 8
Hey Franklin, I've read a lot of your posts. I'm really impressed with all of the work you put in. You really remind me of myself when I was struggling with social anxiety. The effort you put in is really impressive. I had a lot of social anxiety throughout most of my childhood, but starting when I was 15, I really wanted to be able to make more friends, become more persuasive, and in general, get happy. So I read the bible, I think, for getting rid of social anxiety, which is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Seriously read it, it honestly changed my life. It's a really good starting point.

Now, what I've found is the most important thing for getting to know people is being interested in them. Like, genuinely interested in them. It was hard for me at the beginning because I wanted the person I was talking to to like me. But as a rule, people will like you if you like them. And even if they don't, which happens, it's no big deal, you just figure that person and you aren't compatible, and you move on.

Now, if you have social anxiety, I'd say that you should first focus on building friendships with people before romantic relationships. Of course, it depends on how bad your SA is, but friendships are a necessity, both for your self-esteem and for teaching you about relationships. Relationships with a girl, in my mind, are just super-close friendships with sexual attraction thrown in. Friendship teaches you the fundamentals.

Now, because your focus is on dating and sex, I'm gonna give you some advice on what I've found and works for me.

I think that going and talking to random women is a great idea for overcoming SA. I used to do it. I did get a few numbers, and a few dates, but most of the girls in your life you'll meet at parties or through friends or through organizations and clubs. Try and join some of those if you haven't already. Drama is really good for meeting girls, join a community theater. It also helps social anxiety, takes you out of yourself. This is just one idea, whatever works for you.

First of all, the whole "pickup artist" thing is not very helpful for someone with SA in my mind. It may get you laid occasionally, but more because it's a number game than it's such a great system. Its focus in general is superficial and misogynistic, two things no girl you want to date finds attractive. I know a guy who I used to be friends with in high school that turned out like that, and let me tell you, he has never had a successful relationship, and all his friends and any group he's a part of think of him as a scumbag.

A lot of the appeal of the hook up artist comes from the idea that "nice guys finish last". Everyone's been there- you are so nice to a girl, but then you get friend zoned for some *******. It does have some truth to it, but it needs some serious amending. First of all, girls are not some monolithic block. Girls are very divergent on what they find as attractive in a guy's personality. I've known a lot of girls that love *******s, partly for the drama, and partly because they're jerks themselves. Any girl like that, you don't even want. Second of all, out of the girls that you do want for a relationship, you want to be confident, happy to be around her, and make her feel special by taking an extreme interest in her. At this point, you just have to hope she takes an interest in you. This is the key point. A relationship has to be reciprocal. If you find yourself super involved in her life, but she never talks about yours or takes any interest in you, then make a polite exit, and move onto someone else. The best relationship you'll ever have is when she makes you can't get enough of her, and she can't get enough of you. I've had it, and believe me, it was the best thing in the world.

Anyways, good luck man! Keep up the good work!
Clear and Cold and Dry is offline  
post #60 of 60 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 07:01 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Jax, FL
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 186
Congrats. You remind me of myself when I was younger. You have some balls hitting up joggers though - that's not exactly easy even for experienced guys because the girl's mind is intensely focused on something else. You have to overcome the fact that you just pulled her out of that mental state. Keep to easier stuff - like cashiers/clerks.

Overall it looks like you're moving in the direction of just having fun and enjoying interactions with people. Good job.

As for the pua thing - there is so much info out there. Some good, some bad. I recommend an e-book called "models" by Mark Manson. Great for someone that's wants to be genuine.
Rodin is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My many attempts at finding the right friend Leonodas Coping With Social Anxiety 4 07-19-2013 05:50 PM
Attempts, fails miscomunication. fayezrhapsody Frustration 0 12-14-2011 11:59 PM
Share your failed attempts at getting a girlfriend/boyfriend (Here are mine) mbp86 Relationships 73 08-23-2010 01:43 AM
Attempts at being social = fail! KC-Blu-Eyez Coping With Social Anxiety 1 03-23-2009 08:05 PM
Attempts at getting a job Steve215 Frustration 3 09-15-2006 09:12 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome