My attempts at getting a girlfriend - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 60 (permalink) Old 10-31-2013, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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My attempts at getting a girlfriend


I'm in my late 20s and have been single my whole life. It's because I haven't put myself out there. I have read the pick up artist material as well as "How to approach women" articles online. However, I want to just be myself and find someone who can like me for who I am (Not what lines/techniques I have memorized/implemented). I have gotten to the point where I'm sick of being alone and I am going to share my approaches with you all. By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.

Approach 1 (10/31):
I was walking the park today and a woman slowly jogging in the opposite direction of me, caught my attention. When she passed me, I turned back to look at her. Normally, I would have kept walking in the opposite direction but I reached the point where I wanted to try to approach her. I ended up walking in her direction and she kept getting farther and farther. So, I ended up running after her. I caught up to her and passed her because I didn't want to stalk her from behind. Then, I stopped running and walked so she could catch up to me. When she would catch up to me, I would start running again. The whole time, I was thinking of what to say to her (She had headphones on also). The whole me running ahead of her and walking for her to catch up to me happened for about 15 min.

Later, no matter how much I slowed down, she would not pass me. I then turned back around and saw that she had headed towards the middle of the park. Instead of directly following her, I walked a bit of a distance away from her and then decided to approach her. As I got near her, she turned her neck around to face me. This is what happened:

Me: "Hey, how's it going?"
Woman: (Who seemed a little uncomfortable by me IMO) said, "Good"
Me: "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just wanted to say that you look nice." (I felt that I had creeped her out by waiting so long to talk to her, so my goal was to just give her a compliment and walk away)
*Brief awkward silence*
Woman (smiling): Thanks, I just had a baby and I'm trying to lose some weight.
Me: "I'm trying to lose weight too, I walk around the park but don't seem to be losing any weight."

Then we talked about eating habits and exercise

Me: "Well, nice talking to you" (Bummed that she had a husband/boyfriend. I guess... even though she didn't mention one, I assumed that her just having a kid meant she had a man)
Woman (Extending her hand out to me, without me initiating it): "I'm _________, what's your name? I'll see you around the park."
Me: "Bye" (Or something like that)

I then walked away without looking back at her. I felt proud of myself for having the courage to talk to her. I knew that if I didn't say anything to her, I would be bummed on my ride home.
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post #2 of 60 (permalink) Old 10-31-2013, 07:45 PM
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Well done!
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post #3 of 60 (permalink) Old 10-31-2013, 08:13 PM
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Nice job i hope to read some more stories from you (in this thread?) Im also experiencing a similar situation in life. This is inspirational to me. Remember that on your next approach youve got a whole team with you.
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post #4 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-01-2013, 11:24 AM
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Good on you man. I think I need to start something like this. I'm 30 and need to start acting now before I hit 40 year old virgin status.
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post #5 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-01-2013, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by franklin86 View Post
By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.
The problem with that is that you will get rejected 99.9% of the time by women who you cold approach. That would hurt many men's self esteem. It's better to only approach women who show some signs of being intertested in you.
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post #6 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-01-2013, 02:26 PM
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I'm happy to read you reached out like that. That is a good way to start meeting people. My hopes is sometime soon I can do that.
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post #7 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-01-2013, 03:28 PM
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Personally I think it was a bit creepy to hover around her like like that when you were both running. You could have just approached her at first, not... well errr "stalk" her for that little while you were running.

Please don't take this the wrong way but part of the reason she was nice to you might be that she thought you could be some kind of psychopath who she wouldn't want to piss off.
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post #8 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-01-2013, 06:28 PM Thread Starter
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Personally I think it was a bit creepy to hover around her like like that when you were both running. You could have just approached her at first, not... well errr "stalk" her for that little while you were running.

Please don't take this the wrong way but part of the reason she was nice to you might be that she thought you could be some kind of psychopath who she wouldn't want to piss off.
Well, she had headphones on and I tried not to stalk her by staying in front of her. When I approached her, she wasn't running and had her headphones off. So if I didn't stay near her the whole time, I probably wouldn't have seen her walk off towards the middle of the park and then I wouldn't have approached her (Since I assume headphones = Don't ask me out).

Anyways, she said that may see me around, which is really nice to say if she did think I was a psychopath.
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post #9 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-02-2013, 12:13 AM
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I'd personally feel very, very uncomfortable if a stranger suddenly started trying to talk to me while I was exercising in a park. While I applaud your courage, I do think that it would be a better idea to join an activity group of some sort and meet people through that.
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post #10 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-02-2013, 05:52 AM Thread Starter
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She stopped exercising when I approached her. Also, I don't want to join a group in hopes of meeting someone. If I see someone that I like, I want to be able to talk to them. I doubt every couple have met through work, activities, and friends. Some are total strangers. I just need to figure out what those guys have that I don't.
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post #11 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-04-2013, 12:43 AM
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Talking to girls in public has always ended badly for me. Not sure how else you get to know someone, though. Maybe you just gotta try, even if it ends in handcuffs and restraining orders? (kidding)
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post #12 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-04-2013, 01:08 PM
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Meeting girls in public only works if you're witty and smooth enough to do it without coming off as a complete creep or a stalker.

Otherwise, meeting girls should be reserved in settings where you're socializing heavily... bars, clubs, parties...
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post #13 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-04-2013, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Meeting girls in public only works if you're witty and smooth enough to do it without coming off as a complete creep or a stalker.

Otherwise, meeting girls should be reserved in settings where you're socializing heavily... bars, clubs, parties...
I'm sure not so outgoing guys meet women in places other than bars, clubs, and parties. It's really just a numbers game. Also, I would still need to attract women in those places as well. What I need to work on is talking to them like regular people (No compliment), getting a conversation going for 10 minutes, and asking them questions about themselves. I think if I can do those things, rapport will be built and my chances of getting a number will be much higher.
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post #14 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 05:38 AM
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I'm waiting to hear about attempt 2
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post #15 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 07:22 AM Thread Starter
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Approach 2 (11/5):
I was at the park again and saw a cute woman jogging towards me. I then pretended to stretch and turned around to get a nice look at her dairy aire. Then I went in her direction and ran passed her. I started to walk and then she jogged by me. Then I ran again passed her and she ended up jogging next to me and then she slowed down. As I was walking next to her, this is what happened:

Me: "Does your body itch when you run? (My body was actually itching)"
Woman (reaching in her pocket to grab her phone and put her music on pause): What?
Me: "Sorry, Does your body itch when you run?"
Woman (smiling): No
Me:" "Well mine does, which is annoying since I'm trying to lose weight. I wonder if itching is common."
Woman: "I don't think so, must be some reaction."
Me: "Maybe it's hair?"
Woman: "Maybe."

Then a small voice in my head said that I'm bugging her. It said, she is trying to work out. So, I quit talking to her.

Then I ran passed her and let her pass me on and off for about an hour. When the two of us were next to each other, she never looked in my direction. Her eyes were always straight ahead. I really wanted her to look approachable but it never happened. Eventually, I lost track of her (I ran ahead of her, turned back and she was gone.) I think she may have decided to jog in the opposite direction but I'm not sure.

I'm proud of myself for not coming on in a horny way (With a compliment). I attempted to have a regular conversation, which I wish I kept going. If she would have seemed interested in me (Asked me questions, told me about herself, etc.), I may have asked her for her number. I wish this wasn't so hard...
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post #16 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 07:47 AM
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Nice.

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post #17 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 09:34 AM
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Are you sure it wasn't so hard?
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post #18 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 06:23 PM Thread Starter
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Are you sure it wasn't so hard?
I should have used frustrating instead. I guess I need to try a new venue because not many people in the park seem approachable. This approach was easier than the first one. When I hesitate, I tend to over think and then I play different scenarios in my head. I'm trying to be like a kid who says things without thinking.
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post #19 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 07:42 PM
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Good confidence man. I am currently trying to work on being able to talk to a girl that i have wanted to meet for like 2 months. Each day i tell myself that i will talk to her, but then when the time comes in which i have the chance, i get too nervous and talk myself out of it. Today when i got to my next class after not having the courage to meet her, i was really sad and nearly started crying. I don't want that to happen again. I must try to meet her tomorrow.
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post #20 of 60 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 07:50 PM Thread Starter
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For me, the pain of not trying is becoming worse than facing rejection/ being uncomfortable. I know that if I do nothing, nothing will happen. Even when I do get rejected, I see it as a confidence builder. Also it allows me to move on to someone else.
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