In charge of an entire business..
So I'm heading into the deep end here.. for the last 3 years i have actively been putting myself in situation's of extreme anxiety and the unknown and brute forcing myself to deal with it..
I have been living overseas on my own for almost 10 months now.. i have been doing casual work in hospitality.
On Thursday i will start a new job as a receptionist at a hostel in a European country, where i will be in charge of the entire business for 12 hours a day. Checking people in, checking them out.. making phone calls for them, organizing tours, handling money.. all in a country where i don't speak the native language.
I am stressed as all hell. I'm almost at the point where i don't want to go through with it.. but i feel the need to force myself to do this.
I would say i've mostly overcome the social anxiety, and this is now pushing boundaries.. there is one lesson i have learnt through all of this: UNLESS you are constantly putting yourself in social scenarios, the social anxiety will return if you fall back into the comfort zone of isolation - which was painfully evident too me last year.
I went from been able to catch trains on my own through former soviet union countries, to been too anxious to go to the super market.
He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sun rise.
- William Blake