I used anxiety to my benefit today, found a breakthrough
I know a lot of content, I know what to do and how to recover now....
I wrote to myself this morning that when I get those huge brain rushes of anxiety, rather than seeing it as something to try and control, it is actually my brain preparing me with the mental focus needed to deal with the situation in a way where I'm fully engaged with the situation, setting me up to get what I want from the situation, feel what I want to feel etc.
I made the decision to just let it be there and use it in the situation and bam, I'm entering into a mental space of good focus, mental calm etc. I was able to talk normally, not let the anxiety control me.
I realise that over time, by doing this, my brain is actually going to establish new mental norms..and far less anxiety is going to be needed.
I'm just enjoying taking action in the situation however much action the anxiety dictates I should, and so the focus now isn't on external things and the outcome of things.
I realise I'm not dumb. Although there's a lot of uncertainty out there in the real world, your brain deals with uncertainty under a different mental space than where your anxiety-ridden introspection deals with it.
It's intense, but it really works.
I'm going to keep trying it but it should work ok. I've been used to living with this 'lower' self where I'm more introspective (not introverted) in a way that's not good (like all us people with anxiety). But now I'm going to keep developing like this, keep using this process and getting better at applying it too, until new mental norms have been created.
This is probably hard to understand. I'm sorry if it is. I've just been combining the works of CBT, great panic/anxiety books, and have also got good beliefs and understandings about myself and what I want in life.
There's going to be rough patches but this is what works for me.
(By the way, I usually wake up with anxiety. I then have anxiety when I'm in social situations or just with myself, but it's not that bad that I'm crying or looking under a lot of distress)..at worst I probably just look confused/disorientated. Before, my anxiety used to be near overwhelming but I got it down to a lower level.