I Reached Out!
I am not sure if anyone will read this and that actually may not matter. In any case, I'll give a little background. So, I feel very rejected by my extended family: cousins, aunts, etc because they send a lot of mixed messages (long story). I feel somewhat intimidated by one of my cousins who is VERY pretty and outgoing. She has TONS of friends and is a partier type and always has some exciting thing going on and I just feel like she always sees me as a boring nerd. Because of this, I am socially awkward around this cousin, to the point of being rude sometimes. Like, in the past she broke her ankle and I never called or texted her due to my social anxiety and I felt soooo guilty about it and apologized to her the next time I saw her, which was SUPER awkward. I made a promise to myself to never do something so selfish and unfeeling again. I decided if I feel an emotion, I need to express it at the time, rather than keep it to myself, no matter how shy I get. Fast forward to the present time...unfortunately, my cousin's ex and father of her 1st born son just died of pancreatic cancer. As sad as it is, I am happy to report that although it took me a few days, I just now worked up the courage to call my cousin and express my condolences. We talked for about a half hour. She did most of the talking and I just listened, but I feel SOOOO good because not only was it a nice, very human and loving thing to do, it was very adult like. I'm almost 40, and running away from these basic social situations makes me feel that people look down on me as if I'm not an adult. Doing this, reaching out to my cousin made me feel good to be supportive of her and made me feel very adult. I can't help but be proud of myself for overcoming a BIG social anxiety.