I gave the eulogy at my Mom's funeral - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-24-2019, 10:21 PM Thread Starter
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I gave the eulogy at my Mom's funeral

My mom died very suddenly last Friday. I'm sure I'm not the only person on this forum for whom saying "I was close to my mom" is an understatement. I live with my parents. My mom was my best friend, and this shock was devastating. From the moment we started making funeral plans I knew I'd give a eulogy. There wasn't a question about that, even though I haven't spoken in front of a room full of people in about 20 years. I have avoidant personality disorder. I don't do stuff like this...ever. But I HAD to. I sat up Sunday night and the words flowed for me. I don't know where they came from, but the words were more eloquent than I thought I had the capacity to write.

The night before the funeral I couldn't sleep well. I only managed an hour and a half I think. But I knew I wouldn't back out of doing this, the way I've backed out of a million other important things during my life. I wanted to do this for her. I think maybe people on this board will understand me when I say she supported a daughter, that by society's standard was abnormal; I'm not a bad person, but I definitely don't behave in the typical way.
She supported me despite my problems. She never made me feel like she wasn't proud of me as a person. She wanted more for me, but that's just it, FOR ME. Even though me achieving the usual milestones in life would have made her happy, she once told me (not more than 6 months ago actually) that she loved me and that I was more than enough and she was proud of who I am.

During the funeral I felt numb. I couldn't cry. I felt horrible because I felt the sadness but I couldn't cry for some reason. I felt on display in a room where 75% of the people were either strangers or people I very vaguely knew from a long time ago. I just kind of stared sadly at the floor wishing for the day to be over so I could go home and be alone. Then the time came and it was a now or never moment to speak what I had written. I started to worry the words I felt were right wouldn't be received the way I meant them, or worse that I'd mispronounce words and ruin the flow of what I wanted to say. I walked up to the front of the room with my sister, she would be speaking too. I decided to go first. I took two deep breaths and somehow steeled myself. I read my eulogy and it came out perfectly. The tears came from nowhere, I didn't feel them coming until they were just there. And my voice was strong and sure, and the words felt like I was saying them right to her. And I felt like I was honoring her in a way I didn't think I was capable of. I've been a mess of a person nearly my entire life. But she was always there loving me, the look she gave me time and time again I carry with me. She watched me sometimes and I'd see endearment there. Like my flaws were endearing to her. She saw me as I am, and she found love there for me somehow.

My family and the people I knew well actually said they thought my speech was beautiful. I felt proud of myself for the first time in a very long time. I've always felt so ashamed that I can't be "normal" I felt like I finally got something right in life. And it ended up being for the person who meant more to me than anyone else ever has.

I know this post is rambling on and on, so I apologize for that. I just needed to unload these feelings and I thought maybe this would be a safe place to do it. Thank you for listening.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-24-2019, 11:08 PM
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Congrats on giving the eulogy, and condolences on your loss.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 12:00 AM
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About listening, you're welcome mate.

Sounds like delivered a great eulogy mate.

Sorry to hear about your mum mate.

R.I.P great mum of @Kelly82 .

Seems like a lot of us are losing mums lately.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 12:26 AM
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sorry about your mum. sounds like she was a lovely person. you did really well to speak in front of everyone. at my mum's and my brother's funerals I didnt say anything. wasnt close to either and not comfortable in a room of strangers. cried a lot at mum's one though.

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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 12:38 AM
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Aww mate.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 08:23 AM
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Sorry for your loss. Sounds like a similar relationship to what I had with my dad. He passed away in 2014. You did well to speak in front of all those people. I wasn't able to even though I felt like I should have.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 08:33 AM
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Wow inspiring. I can't imagine, you're brave. Powerful post thanks for sharing. Your mom is very proud.

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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 09:53 AM
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Sorry for your loss. You came through when it counted. Even if the speech had been a disaster the fact that you had the courage to stand up there was quite enough. I'm glad the eulogy turned out well. Sometimes you have no idea what you have inside yourself.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 02:11 PM
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Sorry you lost your mom. That must have been so difficult I can't imagine. Thank you for sharing.

Don't let people treat you like dirt.
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-26-2019, 11:18 AM
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Sorry for your loss.

I lost my father suddenly like you had in January 2007. Just the night before, we had Chinese food for dinner and were watching the final games to determine who would be in the Super Bowl that year (XLI). He was overjoyed that, having grown up in South Bend, Indiana, the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts were playing that year. He didn't live to see the actual game.

Grief hits in different ways for different people in different situations. Like you, I was numb because I knew I had a lot to do. He passed on January 22 and I don't remember everything actually hitting me until mid-March when I finally starting sobbing. He would have turned 61 at the end of that March.

Roll with the feelings, don't suppress them - they are completely natural.

One thing I have done for my dad since.....on the day he passed, his birthday, and Father's Day every year, I take a moment to remember him and eat something he liked to eat - Chinese food or Taco Bell . He liked Mongolian beef and beef burritos.

Above all, take care of yourself. One of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars, Lauren Alaina has a new song coming out she performed to it this past week. It was inspired by the recent loss of her stepfather whom she loved. There was one line of the lyric that stood out to me - "see you soon, but take your time". She'd want you to live life.

You are a success story waiting to happen!
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-28-2019, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you all for the kind words
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 02:59 AM
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Sorry for your loss. Bittersweet to know you at least gave a great, deep and emotional speech.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 10:45 AM
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Your mom sounds like an amazing person! I am so sorry for your loss. I know I would be devastated too if I were in your shoes, I'm very close to my mom as well. I'm glad you were able to push through your anxiety and deliver a speech that honored her. ((hugs))

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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Kelly82 View Post
Thank you all for the kind words
You're welcome.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 05:40 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss

I went to my grandfathers funeral in September. I wouldn't have been able to have read out loud in front of everyone. Great job.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-13-2019, 09:09 AM
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I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you (ignore my signature, it's irrelevant to this)
Thanks for sharing your experience, grief and all the other feelings, thanks for not holding it in
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2020, 07:20 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story and very sorry for your loss.

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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2020, 07:44 PM
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I read that after you posted it but didn't comment, that was a very brave thing to do.

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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2020, 09:20 PM
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Sorry for your loss, hope you are healing.
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