I gave the eulogy at my Mom's funeral - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-24-2019, 11:21 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Kelly82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Michigan
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 20
My Mood: Sad

I gave the eulogy at my Mom's funeral


My mom died very suddenly last Friday. I'm sure I'm not the only person on this forum for whom saying "I was close to my mom" is an understatement. I live with my parents. My mom was my best friend, and this shock was devastating. From the moment we started making funeral plans I knew I'd give a eulogy. There wasn't a question about that, even though I haven't spoken in front of a room full of people in about 20 years. I have avoidant personality disorder. I don't do stuff like this...ever. But I HAD to. I sat up Sunday night and the words flowed for me. I don't know where they came from, but the words were more eloquent than I thought I had the capacity to write.

The night before the funeral I couldn't sleep well. I only managed an hour and a half I think. But I knew I wouldn't back out of doing this, the way I've backed out of a million other important things during my life. I wanted to do this for her. I think maybe people on this board will understand me when I say she supported a daughter, that by society's standard was abnormal; I'm not a bad person, but I definitely don't behave in the typical way.
She supported me despite my problems. She never made me feel like she wasn't proud of me as a person. She wanted more for me, but that's just it, FOR ME. Even though me achieving the usual milestones in life would have made her happy, she once told me (not more than 6 months ago actually) that she loved me and that I was more than enough and she was proud of who I am.

During the funeral I felt numb. I couldn't cry. I felt horrible because I felt the sadness but I couldn't cry for some reason. I felt on display in a room where 75% of the people were either strangers or people I very vaguely knew from a long time ago. I just kind of stared sadly at the floor wishing for the day to be over so I could go home and be alone. Then the time came and it was a now or never moment to speak what I had written. I started to worry the words I felt were right wouldn't be received the way I meant them, or worse that I'd mispronounce words and ruin the flow of what I wanted to say. I walked up to the front of the room with my sister, she would be speaking too. I decided to go first. I took two deep breaths and somehow steeled myself. I read my eulogy and it came out perfectly. The tears came from nowhere, I didn't feel them coming until they were just there. And my voice was strong and sure, and the words felt like I was saying them right to her. And I felt like I was honoring her in a way I didn't think I was capable of. I've been a mess of a person nearly my entire life. But she was always there loving me, the look she gave me time and time again I carry with me. She watched me sometimes and I'd see endearment there. Like my flaws were endearing to her. She saw me as I am, and she found love there for me somehow.

My family and the people I knew well actually said they thought my speech was beautiful. I felt proud of myself for the first time in a very long time. I've always felt so ashamed that I can't be "normal" I felt like I finally got something right in life. And it ended up being for the person who meant more to me than anyone else ever has.

I know this post is rambling on and on, so I apologize for that. I just needed to unload these feelings and I thought maybe this would be a safe place to do it. Thank you for listening.
Kelly82 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 12:08 AM
SAS Member
 
Morpheus's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Philadelphia
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 38
Posts: 1,110
Congrats on giving the eulogy, and condolences on your loss.
Morpheus is offline  
post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 01:00 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 17,836
About listening, you're welcome mate.

Sounds like delivered a great eulogy mate.

Sorry to hear about your mum mate.

R.I.P great mum of @Kelly82 .

Seems like a lot of us are losing mums lately.
Mondo_Fernando is offline  
 
post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 01:26 AM
monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 35
Posts: 6,740
My Mood: Amazed
sorry about your mum. sounds like she was a lovely person. you did really well to speak in front of everyone. at my mum's and my brother's funerals I didnt say anything. wasnt close to either and not comfortable in a room of strangers. cried a lot at mum's one though.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 01:38 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 17,836
@andy1984

Aww mate.
Mondo_Fernando is offline  
post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 09:23 AM
Barbells and kittens
 
JH1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,379
Sorry for your loss. Sounds like a similar relationship to what I had with my dad. He passed away in 2014. You did well to speak in front of all those people. I wasn't able to even though I felt like I should have.
Posted via Mobile Device
JH1983 is offline  
post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 09:33 AM
I Am Second
 
Kevin001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: USA ~ Louisiana
Language: American
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 56,161
My Mood: Inspired
Wow inspiring. I can't imagine, you're brave. Powerful post thanks for sharing. Your mom is very proud.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
Kevin001 is offline  
post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 10:53 AM
Changeless
 
kesker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ricola
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,645
My Mood: Worried
Sorry for your loss. You came through when it counted. Even if the speech had been a disaster the fact that you had the courage to stand up there was quite enough. I'm glad the eulogy turned out well. Sometimes you have no idea what you have inside yourself.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
kesker is online now  
post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-25-2019, 03:11 PM
SAS Member
 
Musicfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,108
Sorry you lost your mom. That must have been so difficult I can't imagine. Thank you for sharing.

"It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."
Stephen Colbert
Musicfan is online now  
post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-26-2019, 12:18 PM
SAS Member
 
millenniumman75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Dayton, OH
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 152,750
My Mood: Angelic
Sorry for your loss.


I lost my father suddenly like you had in January 2007. Just the night before, we had Chinese food for dinner and were watching the final games to determine who would be in the Super Bowl that year (XLI). He was overjoyed that, having grown up in South Bend, Indiana, the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts were playing that year. He didn't live to see the actual game.


Grief hits in different ways for different people in different situations. Like you, I was numb because I knew I had a lot to do. He passed on January 22 and I don't remember everything actually hitting me until mid-March when I finally starting sobbing. He would have turned 61 at the end of that March.


Roll with the feelings, don't suppress them - they are completely natural.


One thing I have done for my dad since.....on the day he passed, his birthday, and Father's Day every year, I take a moment to remember him and eat something he liked to eat - Chinese food or Taco Bell . He liked Mongolian beef and beef burritos.


Above all, take care of yourself. One of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars, Lauren Alaina has a new song coming out she performed to it this past week. It was inspired by the recent loss of her stepfather whom she loved. There was one line of the lyric that stood out to me - "see you soon, but take your time". She'd want you to live life.

millenniumman75
You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

TROLL ALERT STATUS:
CHAT -> BERT

FORUMS -> ERNIE
(troll activity on the increase)

WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!
millenniumman75 is online now  
post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-28-2019, 10:04 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Kelly82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Michigan
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 20
My Mood: Sad
Thank you all for the kind words
Kelly82 is offline  
post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 03:59 AM
In Liquidation
 
Blue Dino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,137
Sorry for your loss. Bittersweet to know you at least gave a great, deep and emotional speech.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.

If I fail to adapt to the fault of others, it is my fault.
Blue Dino is offline  
post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 11:45 AM
Spectacular Member
 
Noca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ontario
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 20,955
Your mom sounds like an amazing person! I am so sorry for your loss. I know I would be devastated too if I were in your shoes, I'm very close to my mom as well. I'm glad you were able to push through your anxiety and deliver a speech that honored her. ((hugs))

"It's better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared." -- Whitney Young Jr.
Noca is offline  
post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 01:37 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 17,836
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly82 View Post
Thank you all for the kind words
You're welcome.
Mondo_Fernando is offline  
post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old Today, 06:40 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: England
Gender: Male
Posts: 15
I'm sorry to hear about your loss


I went to my grandfathers funeral in September. I wouldn't have been able to have read out loud in front of everyone. Great job.
ukperson is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome