Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
I beat my depression and anxiety
Yes it's true. I finally beat it. I'm just so happy to be free of it. The feeling is amazing, to be unconditionally happy for once in my life. I am able to be myself again.
Some background though. I was depressed and anxious since I was 12 (I'm 26 now) but I didn't know what I had until I was 17, and even then I didn't do anything about it for another 4 years. I always felt inferior to other people. I didn't think I was good looking enough, smart enough or funny enough. I was terrible at talking to people. I used to be afraid of any interactions but beat myself up for being scared. The last couple years with my depression and anxiety were the worst. I was suicidal, wanted to kill myself everyday. I almost did. I went to a bridge and wanted to jump. But something told me not to. Thank God I didn't. I tried medication but that didn't help. I was seeing a psychologist for about a year too. The other thing was what i expected myself to become. What i thought overcoming anxiety and depression really meant. I hated myself because of what I thought of myself compared to others. Ugly, boring, unfunny etc. I wanted to become funny, handsome, buff and interesting to talk to. So that in some cases I could blend in and be normal but also stand out if I liked someone. I would go out with some friends to nightclubs and see if some girl would like me. I felt alone and wanted someone to like me and doing this (as extreme as it sounds) was to me the best way.
I did go out on one Tuesday night in February last year. I was talking to a girl and asked her if she liked the music. She said she hated it (both times I asked). At that point I realised something: Why am I trying to impress people who don't care about me? The thought was incredible. It changed everything. Over the next few days I started to feel so much better. I hadn't felt like this since I could remember. All because I realised that I was way too focused on what people thought of me. I didn't do the things I wanted to do and didn't think of myself at all until this happened. All of a sudden the incredible urge to want to combat my loneliness faded away. I was happy with myself. I loved myself. I didn't have to validate myself by trying to be friends with everyone I saw. I wasn't nervous around people. And I accepted all my flaws. I'm not the most handsome guy or smartest or funniest. I'm still terrible at talking. But I am me. And I'm still learning as long as I'm alive. If someone doesn't like me, that's not gonna stop me from living my life. I also stopped being so judgmental. For me, my insecurities would make me so jealous of others but not anymore.
I'm just so happy. I'm going to go to the states on a holiday by myself. I still go clubbing but to the clubs I want to go to, and to listen to the music (I am a huge electronic music lover). I hope that this story helps. Ask any questions you want and I hope the best for everyone in their recovery.
Oh and forgive any mistakes. Wrote this on my phone.
Be kind to one another