I have been scared out of my MIND these past few days, waking up in a sweat, dizzy & frantic.
All because one of my (former) friends invited me to her graduation at my old school.
I literally was petrified, feeling like everything had to be "just right" & "perfect". I didn't feel like i would look good enough...or say the right things, etc. All this pressure i was putting on myself made me crazy. & of course, i did everything last minute which didn't help. But my point is - I WENT! I really felt like i had to go for my own well being - i had built them(the people & the place) up in my mind, as if they were bigger then life. i used to tip toe around town, keeping my eyes on the ground just terrified at seeing a familiar face. So i felt like i needed to look them all in the eyes & just say...yeah, you're human. you're not any better then me, & i have nothing to prove.
Honestly, it felt so good just facing the fear instead of running away from it. I mean, i'm still overanalyzing every word i said, & it's still really hard to just let myself be happy, or optimistic about anything positive - It's almost too easy to let the experience make me depressed again. Seeing everyone with their lives & relationships & friendships made me feel like i really had nothing - but i'm just trying to focus on reminding myself that it was a huge accomplishment just showing my face. & i even managed to have a few conversations!
Anyway, i just wanted to write this post hoping that maybe it could be a little tiny inspiration to someone else...I know that i get tons of inspiration just from reading some of the posts on this board.