I'm really pleased with today. It's only 1pm, but so far it's gone better than expected.
I "woke up" (i.e. didn't go to bed until 5:30am and then woke up at 6:30am) and felt miserable because I had an assessment to go to for my mental health to assess whether I could get disability benefits. To get there I'd have to get a bus which makes my anxiety go crazy. Then I'd have to sit and talk about all the miserable crap that has happened in my life. I got up for an hour and a half, let my dog out etc then crawled back into bed and told my boyfriend that I wasn't going. He wasn't happy, disappointed more than anything because I was being silly.
Anyway, after 20 minutes of crying because I felt guilty for not going, I got up and got showered and dressed and left to go to the assessment. I managed the bus well and the actually assessment went fine.
I then pondered around the city for a bit and got a coffee and some early lunch and looked in a few clothes shops. I found some new boots which I bought and I managed the bus ride home.
Then I took my dog out for a long walk on the field where we met 6 other dogs and 3 other owners, and I managed to actually talk to them - about dogs though, but nonetheless, they talked back and I didn't have a panic attack. There was a very nice middle aged man who owns my dream dog (and a dog that walks itself home, lead in mouth and everything, and also a dog that chases trains) and he said I should try walk my dog at this time since that's when he's usually there and it'd be good for my dog to get to know his and stuff (she's only a puppy so needs a lot of socialising with a variety of dogs).
And then walking back from the field we met a workman who loved Lexi, my dog, and she tried jumping in his van and everything. And he made conversation.
So yeah, all in all, 9/10 day so far (except for this morning). But I'm proud of myself for making myself go to the assessment.
Now all that's left to do is ring the doctors, which I'm hesitant about because.. ringing people isn't my thing lol. But we will see.