I consider this a very small half-triumph because the other half is still in progress...
I've known this friend, I made online for about 10 years now. We chat almost every day, eventually we knew each other enough that we began sending letters and gifts to each other for a number of years. Then once I became more comfortable with using a phone, we started texting each other whenever possible. We did finally meet each other, my family and I took a road trip and we visited her and her family(they invited us for a little BBQ), that was 4 years ago. I really enjoyed the visit and getting to know her family a little better as well.
Things happen, we have our own struggles to deal with.
About 6 years ago when she met her current boyfriend and moved out for the first time, it is as if our friendship became something else. She started becoming less reliable and all those nice things we would or could do together started becoming less and less. It happened very gradually over time until the last few years it has been pretty rocky between us for various reasons. The only two things that I am happy for that she helped me with in this past year was to Skype with me for the first time. I never used Skype since it is near the top of my anxiety list. We had a long conversation which was a very successful one for me. The other time is most recently she had invited me to a group on Facebook just for women. Where they all help empower each other in whatever you are doing, non-judgemental and post positive and inspirational things. It really helps.. to an extent, maybe I am just a pessimist here because of the anxiety.
The triumph I am posting about is that our friendship has been on rocky grounds for quite some time, rather toxic I really hate to admit. I've got to know her enough and her flaws that I can deal with to an extent. Unfortunately, she crossed a line with me about it when I've seen how she deals with stress in her life, totally becomes selfish and not in a good way. I won't go in detail about any of it though. There is A LOT of stuff going on in both our lives right now to cause a lot of tension between us. So, I decided to take this opportunity for a break from the friendship to work on myself more. I stated twice in an email to her that I'd contact her when I feel ready to talk again(we hadn't spoken to each other in a whole month due to stress).
About a couple weeks go by and she doesn't respect that I need space, and messages me on MSN, asking if I would like to chat for awhile, but to not feel obligated to at all. I thought about it and I told myself "Sure, I'll see what she's up to and if she will talk to me about some long overdue things". That was a mistake, she wanted to video chat with a whole bunch of people simultaneously agreeing to talk to me about certain things. I really didn't like waiting in hour intervals for short responses because tweeting and video chatting is waaaay more important than a discussion to help understand and work out our issues after not talking to one another for a month.
I did something I don't normally do, which was to tell her exactly how I've been feeling for such a long time now. I abruptly ended the conversation after letting her know how that bothers me so much. I haven't spoken to her since then, and it's been two weeks now. I could have left it at that, but I decided I would give her one last time to redeem herself. A few days ago I left her an email doing something I wouldn't normally do by calling her out on all her bullsh*t behaviour. Stating that, if I am important to her and she wants me in her life then why does she not show it very often. I never said anything bad to her in it, I just was pretty direct with how I've been feeling lately. I feel so much relief from finally getting that out of my system to her(whether she will want to talk again or not, I feel better now)
I really hate giving up on people, but I will not be treated like this any longer. The second half of the triumph is that we won't be speaking to each other for a long time until she is ready to actually do something about it. She can talk to me when she feels truly ready for it, and if she doesn't at all then I won't be talking to her at all. I am willing to work out the toxic friendship we have, if she wants to remain friends with me so much. I am ready to move on either way. The ball is in her court now... I am just happy I found the confidence in myself enough to tell her what I've been thinking of for years now.
Sorry for the lengthy post, just wanted to tell the back-story so my triumph would make sense lol. In short, I was assertive for a change and called my only friend out on her behaviour since her actions speak much much louder than her words to me lately.