Do I still have social anxiety?
Hello I am new here.
Thinking about it , it is one of the worst phases in my life but somehow it is unexpectedly noticeable how my social anxiety is decreasing.Persecution is worst now but looking back...I used to be much more shy and afraid of people. However now I avoid going out for reasons unknown (somehow I feel "rooted" to my house, my bedroom specially). There's just this bad, heavy feeling whenever I have to go out in which I have to really force myself to go or I won't leave home really. Not just fear that something bad would happen, just unwillingness. Now the only problem when I go out is the sun since I go out only at daytime, stalkers, truly, people who follow me to home and people who live near me who follow me to other place or confront me when I go out/ arrive. My family and relatives I segragated from it, pratically, we became incompatible. There are no more friends(some got turned into enemies). I had 4 friends, one of them became an enemy (we were best friends for years), I had to avoid this person to avoid constant arguments. No more partner (there never had but this is another story also related to social anxiety). Even my hamster escaped. Jokes apart, my hamster really escaped. Sometimes I try to feed my spiders of the species Pholcus phalangioides
some live insects, but they end up jumping down from the web and running away or hiding. Eventually I end up having to clean out the webs only to find the poor spider dried. But seriously.
I wonder if I still have social anxiety?
By the way, I don't have a facebook nor do I participate in social sites. But sometimes I'd chat anonymously and eventhough nobody could see me, smell me , or listen , just by reading what I typed they would leave the chat or be really rude.
I am christian so I went to church but got treated worse than outside of the church. Praying and reading the bible helped though.
However people still treat me as if ...I am anything but human, eventhough I have average appearance, I dress up modestly and speak their idiom, have normal height,my face is pretty common lol, my body shape is not unusual, my shoes are normal etc. I try to remember to be as polite as possible, specially outside. However I usually still feel treated very differently than everybodyelse. It's rare when people treat me normally. Those are pearls really. I'd say one in a hundred people I'd have to interact with even if indirectly treat me as a normal homan being. So I still resent being around people. Do I still have social anxiety?