Been very confident and assertive for the past several weeks - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-10-2017, 11:59 PM Thread Starter
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Been very confident and assertive for the past several weeks


I don't know what it is but I guess it could be due to getting older but I've been very confident and assertive for awhile now.

For example, I had defended myself for a customer arguing with me and telling me to wake up cause she thought I was getting her order wrong and I immediately got in her face and showed her what the order is and that I was following what it says and to go complain at the person at the register and she then went on to apologize although most of the time you just let it pass you cause I can't argue with customers all day lol.

I have been speaking louder than usual with more volume in my voice than usual really helps with being assertive.

I confronted a coworker for blaming me for something that I definitely did not do and I just wasn't having it.

I actually yelled at this same coworker earlier for asking me to do something they could of done themselves and they knew I wasn't playing but I think I could have toned down the yelling a bit lol but I don't know it's like I'm not scared or hesitant at all to press the issue per say or defend myself from people although I'm still smart about it but Idk just felt like sharing this.

I've been saying no or arguing with coworkers more when they ask me to do something if I feel like it's something they can do for themselves or its their responsibilities and not mine or if they just give me sh**.

I still sometimes get uncomfortable but I push through it and let it happen if I have to cause I just tell myself that it's something I have to go through to grow as an adult or to get better at something I want to get better at.

What's funny is I'm using this job as like a training session and practice my assertive, arguing, social, skills practice so when I get my preferred job I really will be ready.


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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 02:58 AM
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Sounds like a very good progress and this is just 2 weeks, imagine doing that for one year !

I'm trying to do the same these days, some days are a great success with doing something similar of what you said, some days are normal and in some days I just fail, but I still push it every day.
I use my workplace as a training as well, it also give me more confidence when I'm thinking that I'm at assertive training now
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 05:43 AM Thread Starter
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Sounds like a very good progress and this is just 2 weeks, imagine doing that for one year !

I'm trying to do the same these days, some days are a great success with doing something similar of what you said, some days are normal and in some days I just fail, but I still push it every day.
I use my workplace as a training as well, it also give me more confidence when I'm thinking that I'm at assertive training now
Yeah lol. I don't plan on staying too too long maybe till January and then finally get something that I actually studied for but one thing I seem to notice is if I speak louder than I usually do throughout the day it helps me feel more confident and assertive.

There are still times when my "nice guy" programming kicks in but I try to save these for people who want to actually put effort in reciprocating this behavior back cause I've had enough giving it to people undeserving of it. But I definitely feel like a different person.

Yeah use your workplace as assertive training session and learn how to survive in it.

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 06:14 AM
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Congrats bro

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 06:33 AM
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Yeah yelling might be a bit too much, but it's good to stand up for yourself. As Bob Marley once said "Get Up, Stand Up!"

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 07:55 PM
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Yeah yelling might be a bit too much, but it's good to stand up for yourself.
Beat me to it.

@Hussle , congratulations on becoming more assertive.

Yelling usually comes across as a lack of self control or bullying, so best to cut that out, you can put someone in their place without shouting.

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2017, 11:08 PM
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While your progress is beyond admirable, I am questioning why you choose to argue with your coworkers. Could the same exact issue be addressed in a different way? There are multiple ways to deliver your message of frustration to your coworkers.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2017, 09:13 PM Thread Starter
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Beat me to it.

@Hussle , congratulations on becoming more assertive.

Yelling usually comes across as a lack of self control or bullying, so best to cut that out, you can put someone in their place without shouting.
Yes I need to learn how to tell people what my thoughts are in terms of telling people to back off or setting boundaries without getting too aggressive. I definitely agree with you. My little brother is great at this.

The analogy I like to use is im like a boxer covering up taking punches but won't swing back with jabs to push the opponent back so they keep moving forward and after I've taken enough punishment ill throw a power punch and ko the mfer.



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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2017, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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Just something I want to state, I've never had a problem defending others though especially when it came to my family. Not one bit but I feel like I don't do it enough for myself and let people get away with too many things.

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2017, 11:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Hussle View Post
Yes I need to learn how to tell people what my thoughts are in terms of telling people to back off or setting boundaries without getting too aggressive. I definitely agree with you. My little brother is great at this.

The analogy I like to use is im like a boxer covering up taking punches but won't swing back with jabs to push the opponent back so they keep moving forward and after I've taken enough punishment ill throw a power punch and ko the mfer.



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Yes, good analogy.

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Just something I want to state, I've never had a problem defending others though especially when it came to my family. Not one bit but I feel like I don't do it enough for myself and let people get away with too many things.

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I think that's probably quite common, I used to be like that myself.

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-20-2017, 10:08 PM Thread Starter
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Yes, good analogy.
I think it's a great analogy lol. Whenever I'm watching some of my favorite boxers sometimes they will get back in the corner and their opponent just unloads jabs at them while they just keep covering up. I'll be confused and frustrated as to why they won't throw a punch and just stand there and keep taking damage. I'll be yelling at the screen telling them throw a punch back dammitt lol and then finally they start punching back.

I think if we watched people with SA in their daily lives like how I watch boxing fights and they get frustrated by other people whether it's an insult or just people being negative or hostile towards them and they don't say anything or take action for themselves, it's easy for us to say oh why don't you say something back or why don't you defend yourself, why you letting this other person have power over you when you can do the same back.

What I'm trying to get at is that even defending yourself and being assertive takes practice. Just like learning how to punch as a boxer, you have to learn how to defend yourself or learn how to be assertive. Just like learning how to punch back while being under pressure from the opponents punches, we have to learn how to defend ourselves while under pressure from negativity from other people.

Lately I've been training myself and practicing to defend myself under other people's negativity. I realized that this is like any other skill in life. You have to practice it.

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-21-2017, 12:40 AM
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I think it's a great analogy lol. Whenever I'm watching some of my favorite boxers sometimes they will get back in the corner and their opponent just unloads jabs at them while they just keep covering up. I'll be confused and frustrated as to why they won't throw a punch and just stand there and keep taking damage. I'll be yelling at the screen telling them throw a punch back dammitt lol and then finally they start punching back.

I think if we watched people with SA in their daily lives like how I watch boxing fights and they get frustrated by other people whether it's an insult or just people being negative or hostile towards them and they don't say anything or take action for themselves, it's easy for us to say oh why don't you say something back or why don't you defend yourself, why you letting this other person have power over you when you can do the same back.

What I'm trying to get at is that even defending yourself and being assertive takes practice. Just like learning how to punch as a boxer, you have to learn how to defend yourself or learn how to be assertive. Just like learning how to punch back while being under pressure from the opponents punches, we have to learn how to defend ourselves while under pressure from negativity from other people.

Lately I've been training myself and practicing to defend myself under other people's negativity. I realized that this is like any other skill in life. You have to practice it.

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Well said.

I know it took me a long time to be able to stand up for myself (before I snap), I hope you get there too.

Good luck.

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