Asking Girls Out - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-11-2018, 04:09 PM
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This sounds absolutely terrifying. Good for you for pushing yourself though
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-11-2018, 04:12 PM
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I know it's subjective, but I also know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. And you're involving other people in your own personal trials so don't you think you should stop to consider their perspective and their comfort level? I know, having SA, I wish anyone considered the perspective of more than that of themselves. Imagine actually dating girl #136 and her realizing you asked out 135 people prior (all based on appearance) within a short time frame. It looks desperate and cheap. I know for you it's about personal growth, but they don't know that. And I'm not sure a lot of people would be thrilled about it either way. I also don't think it being disingenuous is super subjective unless your goal is to gain a **** buddy or less. In which case, randomly approaching dozens of hot strangers who probably have less than nothing in common with you makes sense.
I'm a little peeved that you felt the need to use women as nothing but little goal posts, so I still want to be happy for you, but maybe that's coloring my view.
The average guy gets rejected ALOT before he can even get *A* date (this includes acquaintances and friends) and that's why it boils down to a numbers game. OP's not trying to be cheap or desperate (hopefully), he's just playing with the cards he's given until he finds a way a way to up his social status.
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-12-2018, 07:32 AM
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Didn't you say you're like 6'4 in another thread? Why aren't you using that to your advantage?
Yeah I am, but I don't see what it has to do with this subject.

"Like a book isolated on a shelf with no one to read it yet judge it for its amount of pages. I feel such way."

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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-12-2018, 07:36 AM
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You can do the same. Believe me. I doubt 3 billion women would "reject" you, and even if they did, so what? Doesn't mean you can't better yourself or keep trying. It doesn't even mean they don't like you, it could mean a great many things. You should go out there and get rejected on purpose, so you can improve your relationship with the feeling and concept of rejection. Start small. Go to youtube and look up guys like James Marshall, Jordan Peterson, look up information on meditation and changing your relationship with fear and your "ego," go to a therapist, and see if you can start positive change in you.
I'm really sorry but I forgot you replied to my post, sorry for the late reply.

I could do the same, yes. Asking out a random girl on the street, of which all instances will be rejection. But I was not primarily aiming for the part of 'rejection'. What do you gain by being rejected if you will never be accepted anyways? To me, it's only wasted time and energy. For myself, at least.

"Like a book isolated on a shelf with no one to read it yet judge it for its amount of pages. I feel such way."

"Just because you're breathing, doesn't mean you're alive."
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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-12-2018, 07:57 AM
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This is awesome congrats! It inspires me to try harder to talk to people. The other day at uni I was so close to asking a random person where the best sushi is. Now I will hopefully try and do that next week.

Why should you want any other, When you' re a world within a world.
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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-13-2018, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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Asked 6 girls today, I learn valuable lessons every day. I got 2 numbers from gorgeous girls. I'm one week in, can't wait to see my progress in 2 weeks. I'll write more about this later but I also faced some challenges, which is good as I contemplate my way forward.
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-13-2018, 11:02 PM Thread Starter
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A little more than a week later and i have approached around 70 women, gotten 5 numbers, and built a better relationship with my "anxiety." My confidence has expanded and i am beginning to hold a new grasp on the universe. I take this time to say to myself...

Congratulations, well done, you are finally being that man that you always dreamed of becoming, that man who is not fearless, but brave, and who stands up for what he believes in. The man who can look at fear in the eyes, and act.

I'm learning to dance in the dark.

Here's to the future


"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 11:17 AM Thread Starter
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Went out today and asked a girl out for some coffee at Petco, i also asked questions about the store, am already feeling less paranoid and self-conscious when i go out on the street, gave an attractive lady a compliment about her dog without much hesitation and my posture, ability to make eye contact, and voice are all more confident now as well. I'm also planning to join meditation/yoga classes, acting classes, soccer leagues, and i'm going to start my fieldwork for my career which requires social interaction all day, so things are looking pretty good for my social exposure therapy.

One week and a half in.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 11:47 AM
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 11:48 AM
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This thread is haunted.
lol yes, it is




but congrats, you are doing great vulni. I can imagine how difficult it is and that is awesome you continue to get out and do this. I hope with each practice you feel more confident

:: As it stands, more people are willing to kill for what they believe in, rather than die for it ::


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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 12:14 PM
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Honestly, if its polite, flattering and brief, its unlikely to be a problem for most women. Spoke to a friend about this and she said "yeh its fine". So long as its not all pushy and "gamey" then meh no biggie.

Regarding "what's the point in getting used to rejection?", well then being rejected doesn't bother you. Social anxiety is in large part about being rejected, in one way or another, so being essentially immune, or barely bothered by rejection is a massive advantage. All the spheres of life where you get rejected become trivial, its a very good therapy if you have the stomach for it.

Obviously if you are depressed, relentlessly, there isn't going to be "any point" in anything, that's a statement about depression not about the therapeutic value of a therapy.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the congrats.

I will explain what i'm doing further, this might help a lot of you.

The point of exposure therapy is to progressively and gradually face your "fears" so that your mindset and nervous system desensitizes from old structures and you start creating new, "better" ones. You can learn about meditation, being mindful, and about watching your thoughts, sensations, emotions, and feelings from a "farther distance", and eventually you will find that you have more control to maneuver things.

For example, lets say you have strong social anxiety, you can start your journey by making it a habit to take a 15 minute walk every morning, eventually you can make it a habit of going up to people who work in a supermarket and asking them questions about where stuff is, and if you practice meditation, then instead of running away the second thoughts and feelings start appearing, you are able to take it all in from more of a distance and push yourself to face your fear. You realize that thoughts are just that, and that "fear" is a negative attribution to a sensation that can be neutral if you make it so.

YOU HAVE TO do exposure therapy consistently and incrementally; you keep doing this regularly and more intensely for a long time and you will see change.


Now, In my mid to late teens, i started to develop a type of nihilism that could be either self-destructive or empowering, and now i have a more nuanced understanding of this that i had then so i'm finding my self to feel empowered. On the flip side of the coin, if you have a cynical and pessimistic view of the world, it is easy to think everything is meaningless, we're all just space-dust, and there's no point in trying anything, but if you learn to embrace this and use it to your advantage then you can start saying.. life is meaningless, so might as well find my own truth and make something out of my life. And that's what i'm trying now.

Because i know how easy it is to give up and lose motivation, and how easy it is to let your programmed mind to take you off-course, i've have to be very intense in all of this, my life for the past week and a half has felt like a rollercoaster, it has felt exciting, thrilling, and that's what i need. I need to take chances, and in order to help me in this i have done something interesting...

I have used the character of Gregory House from House M.D. to inform my personality as he embodies what i see i can be in some ways, so as i face my fears, it is also necessary to wear a persona in a nuanced, mindful, and self-conscious way, in order to pick my self up and do things.

The truth is that when you do this, you can't think "what if i make this person uncomfortable or he thinks im weird," no, you realize that you are what matters, that life is meaningless, that all you're feeling is imaginary, and you suddenly start pushing past mental barriers in a nuanced way.


"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-15-2018, 03:01 PM
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Congrats on asking 40+ women out on a date, Have the majority of them been saying yes? That's a lot of dates to go on.

I never really understood the whole ask out a random stranger, to me it just seems inappropriate and far too aggressive, as if its based only on looks, but that's my thinking. I know it happens, that's some people's style and certain individuals are receptive to that. Personally I need to have some interaction before making a judgement on if she would be someone I'd want to ask out, I would never consider asking a random stranger out.
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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-16-2018, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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About 20 more, now at around 90, got a number from a Jennifer Aniston look alike. My conversational skills, eye contact, confidence, and tranquility are showing marked improvements. Also managed to get a bit of an instant coffee date with a girl who had a boyfriend but still gave me her instagram. A woman also approached me because she needed help finding a restaurant and said i was impressive with my help, and i saw a childhood classmate randomly who i had flirted with on instagram a few months back and i said hi and shook her hand, i will pursue her and the other 2 chicks. There are also improvements in terms of being able to sit in awkwardness, as well as in my facial expressions, im not so stiff as i used to be.

A week and 3/4ths in, doing good.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-18-2018, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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I asked like 10 or 11 more, who knows, am at like 100,got a number from a hot mia khalifa look alike. So that's my first 100 chicks, got like 8 numbers but theyre flaky and I have ideas why. I've made improvements and now it's getting to the time where I need to work on the technical aspects. This is just the beginning.
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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-20-2018, 03:56 PM Thread Starter
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Asked like 10 more, got 3 numbers, I have improved so much, now I don't even need to count them all since its time to focus on doing things technically well. Time to get them to dates and bed, which is something that needs work. Am already a better conversationalist. I got 3 numbers, all hot chicks, let's rock.
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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-21-2018, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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I just did some math, i started doing this 2 weeks ago, by the end of the month, at this rate i will have talked to around 200 girls, if you do this for a year it equals out to 2400 women. Now, if you get better and learn from your interactions, not only will you develop as a person in terms of your "anxiety," insecurities, conversational skills, confidence, but your chances and abilities of successfully seducing women will increase.

Let's say that you ask out 2000-2400 women in one year and "just" 5 percent of these go to dates and/or sleep with you, even then, that is 100 women.

If you do this in a city like New York, which has a population of around 4 million women, then you won't run out lol.

In other words, the numbers are in your favor. If anyone is reading this, start contemplating going out.

I have experienced significant personal growth in these two weeks already.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-24-2018, 06:21 PM Thread Starter
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Truth be told, i have not been feelin it the last couple of days, but i have still gone out and tried, which is great.

Today i flirted with a thick BBW woman and when i told her she looked cute, her face lit up, she smiled, and it looked like she wanted to jump on me, but she said she had a boyfriend but thanked me. I was not feeling it enough to push further, but whatever.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2018, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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Just picked up a hottie, and she asked for my number before I could ask for hers. Built great rapport, my first interaction and number of the day. Nice.
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2018, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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I just got 4 for 4, first time, and I've improved my conversational skills, etc. The better rapport you get before getting the number, the smaller the chance they flake. I want to get past the getting numbers stage, and for that I have to keep pushing and pushing.
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