Thanks for the congrats.
I will explain what i'm doing further, this might help a lot of you.
The point of exposure therapy is to progressively and gradually face your "fears" so that your mindset and nervous system desensitizes from old structures and you start creating new, "better" ones. You can learn about meditation, being mindful, and about watching your thoughts, sensations, emotions, and feelings from a "farther distance", and eventually you will find that you have more control to maneuver things.
For example, lets say you have strong social anxiety, you can start your journey by making it a habit to take a 15 minute walk every morning, eventually you can make it a habit of going up to people who work in a supermarket and asking them questions about where stuff is, and if you practice meditation, then instead of running away the second thoughts and feelings start appearing, you are able to take it all in from more of a distance and push yourself to face your fear. You realize that thoughts are just that, and that "fear" is a negative attribution to a sensation that can be neutral if you make it so.
YOU HAVE TO do exposure therapy consistently and incrementally; you keep doing this regularly and more intensely for a long time and you will see change.
Now, In my mid to late teens, i started to develop a type of nihilism that could be either self-destructive or empowering, and now i have a more nuanced understanding of this that i had then so i'm finding my self to feel empowered. On the flip side of the coin, if you have a cynical and pessimistic view of the world, it is easy to think everything is meaningless, we're all just space-dust, and there's no point in trying anything, but if you learn to embrace this and use it to your advantage then you can start saying.. life is meaningless, so might as well find my own truth and make something out of my life. And that's what i'm trying now.
Because i know how easy it is to give up and lose motivation, and how easy it is to let your programmed mind to take you off-course, i've have to be very intense in all of this, my life for the past week and a half has felt like a rollercoaster, it has felt exciting, thrilling, and that's what i need. I need to take chances, and in order to help me in this i have done something interesting...
I have used the character of Gregory House from House M.D. to inform my personality as he embodies what i see i can be in some ways, so as i face my fears, it is also necessary to wear a persona in a nuanced, mindful, and self-conscious way, in order to pick my self up and do things.
The truth is that when you do this, you can't think "what if i make this person uncomfortable or he thinks im weird," no, you realize that you are what matters, that life is meaningless, that all you're feeling is imaginary, and you suddenly start pushing past mental barriers in a nuanced way.