Asking Girls Out - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-04-2018, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Asking Girls Out


I've started doing some exposure therapy to help with my anxiety and confidence. Main part of this therapy is facing fears of course, like the fear of rejection... So i plan to ask random girls out as part of this.

I started this today at my Uni and i got the courage to ask two pretty attractive girls out! No i didn't get their numbers, but this is about personal development, facing my fears, building a healthy relationship with rejection and self-efficacy, etc. I'm proud of myself and i will continue doing this! Maybe i will post status updates here.

You can do it too!

I recommend watching this video for starters, and also James Marshall's videos, Jordan Peterson's, and "How to Beast's."

?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-08-2018, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Did my video get changed by some moderator? That is not the video i put there.

Anyways...

Since this a few days ago i have asked out more than 30 women, doing good so far.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-08-2018, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Vulnicura View Post
Did my video get changed by some moderator? That is not the video i put there.

Anyways...

Since this a few days ago i have asked out more than 30 women, doing good so far.
If its that dance video its a forum glitch. We wouldn't change video there is nothing wrong with what you posted I can still see your video on tapatalk so it must be the forum.

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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-08-2018, 08:46 PM
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If its that dance video its a forum glitch. We wouldn't change video there is nothing wrong with what you posted I can still see your video on tapatalk so it must be the forum.
I don't get why youtube has suddenly turned into impossible on this forum. It has been a perfectly functional thing for as long as I can remember and now just suddenly, it's a disaster that just keeps going and going.

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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 12:15 AM
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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 01:20 AM
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i find the evolution of dance video to be very inspirational. though i only watched a few seconds of it. i wonder if anyone has/will ever watch the entire thing.

congrats on giving it a go. hope you can keep asking people out and have some success.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 05:45 AM
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Damn, that's pretty hardcore to start with, good on you for doing it.

How would you rate the anxiety before, when you started, and currently after asking 30? How many are you asking in a day, are you just doing them all in one go? (need more info on the way you are doing it). Are you saying the same things each time? How are you introducing yourself?

Needs specifics

Am currently researching exposure therapy for a possible app, so wondering how you are going about it and how its progressing.

Also are you aiming for rejection (or actually trying to get them to say yes)? That would make how it feels very different, I think.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 01:49 PM
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Good for you, I'd never have the courage to do that IRL I tried once 15 years ago & it was a disaster, people my age usually have some kind of experience in that area, I probably gave up to easily tbh






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
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It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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@BeardedMessiahBob

Thanks.

That's interesting, i can imagine a very good exposure therapy app getting traction.

Lets see... I started because i finally got in the right frame of mind to do so, otherwise i would hardly ever contemplate it and if i did, the "anxiety" would be too pronounced to contemplate the idea for too long. Lets call it an "8 out of 10."

I started this on Tuesday 9/4/18, so 5 days ago, and since then i also tried it on Thursday and Saturday. Today is Sunday. I have Uni, homework, and other excuses made by my mind so i can't always do this. It wouldn't be healthy or productive either to stress myself out. The first day the anxiety, or "energy" as i prefer to call it now was maybe like a 7.5 to 7.0, then on Thursday i started the day feeling like a 7.0 out of 10 and finished with a 5.5 maybe. Sunday maybe i started 6.5 and ended 5.5.

When i go out, i go with the mentality of at least asking 1, then 5, then 10, then 15, etc.

I don't say the same things each time, most of the time i've been saying something like "hi, i saw you and thought you were cute," then i wait for their response, etc.

I am currently aiming to atleast approach and see what i can learn and desensitize, when i become more relaxed and with a better "game" i can actively try harder to get them to say yes, but rejections are fine atm. You shouldn't go in thinking that succeeding is getting a yes, approaching, saying hi, conversating, being fine with rejection, those are the true successes at this stage.

I think i've asked about 30-40 girls out, and then a few more i simply gave them a compliment as they passed by. As part of this i also asked a target employee if they sold chainsaws and asked questions to a female artist about her work for exhibit at Uni. Asking girls is only one aspect, when you go out its a good idea to get out there alot and in different ways.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-09-2018, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Good for you, I'd never have the courage to do that IRL I tried once 15 years ago & it was a disaster, people my age usually have some kind of experience in that area, I probably gave up to easily tbh
You should maybe try it again. I'm in the process of creating a new relationship with my "anxiety", you start step by step and keep going. James Marshall i think said something along the lines that you should try asking 200 girls before even calling yourself a beginner. This takes time and persistence, like playing the guitar. You can go from your fingers hurting and not playing anything to be able to play simple songs fluently or even be a guitar hero...

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 07:20 AM
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I donít mean to be negative here, and Iím very impressed/proud of you for facing your fears, but do you not think asking out 30-40 different women, at random based on appearance, in a short period of time is kind of... inappropriate and disingenuous? I know people do ask each other out at random, but Iíve always been confused by it... and so many? What would you do if they said yes? Iíve been approached by random guys on campus and itís generally extremely unwanted and makes them come off as... "creepy" is a strong word, but it has never left a good impression. If we shared a class and spoke at least once, thatís a bit different, but otherwise...

"I am not as strong as my words pretend to be.
Not as quiet as these caesuras promise.
This heart is a patchwork quilt of people -
that leave different shades of blue inside of me."
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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 07:35 AM
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It's good to hear that you're trying to better yourself. Though I wouldn't be able to do the same, because rejection doesn't exist for me. Every single girl in this world, would always reject me, so it's always a no. Of course, rejection can still take place but no point in trying. It's like trying to swim to the ocean floor of the Mariana Trench.

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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 07:42 AM Thread Starter
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I don’t mean to be negative here, and I’m very impressed/proud of you for facing your fears, but do you not think asking out 30-40 different women, at random based on appearance, in a short period of time is kind of... inappropriate and disingenuous? I know people do ask each other out at random, but I’ve always been confused by it... and so many? What would you do if they said yes? I’ve been approached by random guys on campus and it’s generally extremely unwanted and makes them come off as... "creepy" is a strong word, but it has never left a good impression. If we shared a class and spoke at least once, that’s a bit different, but otherwise...
No i don't, and even if i did i would have to change that thinking somehow in order to do it. I have to have certain mindsets to reach certain goals. If they said yes, i'd probably hang out with them and see how it goes from there. Bare in mind that is your subjective perspective on being asked out by random guys, and that's perfectly fine btw. If a girl thinks i'm creepy, then perfect at this stage, all it does at most is create a queasy feeling in me that i can get past if i put my mind to it.

I'm asking this many not to go out with 40 different women, but as a form of desensitization; just how there are "comfort challenges" (that you can find on youtube, there's a lot of people that do this)where you are supposed to scream weird things in the middle of a huge crowd or lie on the ground inside a mall filled with people, this is another form for me of facing fears and improving my mindset concerning bravery, anxiety, etc.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 07:56 AM Thread Starter
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It's good to hear that you're trying to better yourself. Though I wouldn't be able to do the same, because rejection doesn't exist for me. Every single girl in this world, would always reject me, so it's always a no. Of course, rejection can still take place but no point in trying. It's like trying to swim to the ocean floor of the Mariana Trench.
You can do the same. Believe me. I doubt 3 billion women would "reject" you, and even if they did, so what? Doesn't mean you can't better yourself or keep trying. It doesn't even mean they don't like you, it could mean a great many things. You should go out there and get rejected on purpose, so you can improve your relationship with the feeling and concept of rejection. Start small. Go to youtube and look up guys like James Marshall, Jordan Peterson, look up information on meditation and changing your relationship with fear and your "ego," go to a therapist, and see if you can start positive change in you.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 08:01 AM
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You can do the same. Believe me. I doubt 3 billion women would "reject" you, and even if they did, so what? Doesn't mean you can't better yourself or keep trying. It doesn't even mean they don't like you, it could mean a great many things. You should go out there and get rejected on purpose, so you can improve your relationship with the feeling and concept of rejection. Start small. Go to youtube and look up guys like James Marshall, Jordan Peterson, go to a therapist, and see if you can start positive change in you.
I don't really see the point of getting known with the concept of rejection (and rejection in general), if it will always be rejection anyways. To give a comparison, why would you try to learn and fight a lion if you would live on the North Pole? In my opinion, it's a waste of time for myself.

"Like a book isolated on a shelf with no one to read it yet judge it for its amount of pages. I feel such way."

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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 08:13 AM
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No i don't, and even if i did i would have to change that thinking somehow in order to do it. I have to have certain mindsets to reach certain goals. If they said yes, i'd probably hang out with them and see how it goes from there. Bare in mind that is your subjective perspective on being asked out by random guys, and that's perfectly fine btw. If a girl thinks i'm creepy, then perfect at this stage, all it does at most is create a queasy feeling in me that i can get past if i put my mind to it.

I'm asking this many not to go out with 40 different women, but as a form of desensitization; just how there are "comfort challenges" (that you can find on youtube, there's a lot of people that do this)where you are supposed to scream weird things in the middle of a huge crowd or lie on the ground inside a mall filled with people, this is another form for me of facing fears and improving my mindset concerning bravery, anxiety, etc.
I know it's subjective, but I also know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. And you're involving other people in your own personal trials so don't you think you should stop to consider their perspective and their comfort level? I know, having SA, I wish anyone considered the perspective of more than that of themselves. Imagine actually dating girl #136 and her realizing you asked out 135 people prior (all based on appearance) within a short time frame. It looks desperate and cheap. I know for you it's about personal growth, but they don't know that. And I'm not sure a lot of people would be thrilled about it either way. I also don't think it being disingenuous is super subjective unless your goal is to gain a **** buddy or less. In which case, randomly approaching dozens of hot strangers who probably have less than nothing in common with you makes sense.
I'm a little peeved that you felt the need to use women as nothing but little goal posts, so I still want to be happy for you, but maybe that's coloring my view.

"I am not as strong as my words pretend to be.
Not as quiet as these caesuras promise.
This heart is a patchwork quilt of people -
that leave different shades of blue inside of me."
- The Anatomy of Being, Shinji Moon
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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 08:13 AM Thread Starter
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I don't really see the point of getting known with the concept of rejection (and rejection in general), if it will always be rejection anyways. To give a comparison, why would you try to learn and fight a lion if you would live on the North Pole? In my opinion, it's a waste of time for myself.
You don't know that it will always be rejection, you're short circuiting your chances before you start, and that's what needs to be changed. You can start by having a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset. A growth mindset means you can improve yourself physically, and most importantly, internally, step by step, little by little, over an extended period of time, and feel better. There's alot of guys who may be "unattractive" in other people's eyes, or in most people's eyes, but they still have 3 girlfriends, each of them bombshells, that happens because he doesn't care about looks and realizes that as long as he believes in himself, he's alright. That sounds cliche but it's true, and you can grasp that concept more tangibly the more you work on yourself. Try watching this show called House MD, this guy is hardly liked by anyone, but he believes in himself, and boy is that enough for him.

You go out there with the mindset that its perfectly fine to be rejected, so it stops hurting and meaning so much. There are lots of layers to the metaphorical onion characterized by someone's depression, but if you can pull an "alexander the great" (you can google search this story) and cut the impossible knot in half with a sword, then you won't have to spend 40 years trying to find a way to untie it "logically."

Tommorow ill be at uni again, ill see a hot bombshell and ill flirt with her, ask her out, she says no, i go away with a smile in my face because i faced my fears, i move on. As tough as it may feel, i push through that toughness, and earn my battle scars.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-10-2018, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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I know it's subjective, but I also know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. And you're involving other people in your own personal trials so don't you think you should stop to consider their perspective and their comfort level? I know, having SA, I wish anyone considered the perspective of more than that of themselves. Imagine actually dating girl #136 and her realizing you asked out 135 people prior (all based on appearance) within a short time frame. It looks desperate and cheap. I know for you it's about personal growth, but they don't know that. And I'm not sure a lot of people would be thrilled about it either way. I also don't think it being disingenuous is super subjective unless your goal is to gain a **** buddy or less. In which case, randomly approaching dozens of hot strangers who probably have less than nothing in common with you makes sense.
I'm a little peeved that you felt the need to use women as nothing but little goal posts, so I still want to be happy for you, but maybe that's coloring my view.
Everyone goes through their own personal growth journeys, in my case i want to reach a high level of confidence and personal tranquility, among other things, and this requires me to be more uncompromising. I will not "*****foot" around people's feelings, i will be nuanced though. To you it looks desperate and cheap, and to me there's a lot more nuance to it all. It's ok that you're peeved, stand up for what you believe in, you don't need to be happy for me.

I just came back from some errands, had to go to a supermarket, and told 40 something year old body builder blonde that i thought she looked nice, she thanked me and said i made her day, i then asked her for coffee sometime and she said yes, my first yes. Too bad i forgot the phone at the car, she said she'd meet me outside and give me her number then, but i didn't see her there when i came out, and my parents were also in the car so i figured i might as well go, change some variables and i'd have her number.

Alot of the girls i've asked out have also been very natural and shown graciousness too, and gone on to chat a little while, which is nice.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed." - Sylvia Plath

"I've started to focus on a bigger game. The sound the wind makes through the pines; the sentience of animals; what we fear in the dark and what lies beyond the darkness. I'm talking about seeing beyond fear, about looking at the world with love." - Dale Cooper
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-11-2018, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Got to university 2 hours before class started, and for1hr and a half I asked girls out, I think it was 11 or 12,i got one number from a hot 🔥 chick and had nice convos with most of them and could have maybe closed with more experience. 1 week in, doing good.
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-11-2018, 04:01 PM
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It's good to hear that you're trying to better yourself. Though I wouldn't be able to do the same, because rejection doesn't exist for me. Every single girl in this world, would always reject me, so it's always a no. Of course, rejection can still take place but no point in trying. It's like trying to swim to the ocean floor of the Mariana Trench.
Didn't you say you're like 6'4 in another thread? Why aren't you using that to your advantage?
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