I had a long history of severe anxiety. I am now and have been for many years, anxiety- free, med free and loving the gift of the present moment. I want you, who feels horrible, shame and anger to do one thing, commit to loving yourself and never waiver. Not even when you hate your behavior. I've been a member here for many years, and struggled. Almost house-bound, penniless at times and lonely. But I read a book by Eckhart Tolle called A NEW EARTH. And I learned about attachment and how unhealthy it is, and how what we think of as "ourselves" is really our ego trying to destroy us. (the opposite of presence) When you commit to loving yourself, you forgive yourself and accept the present circumstances. You can then change them, but for right now, accept them and accept the moment. If anyone wants to hear more of my blathering, email me at [email protected]. I'm happy to share my experience.