After YEARS of heartache, struggle, and pain, I went on a date!!! - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 07:45 PM
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Great question! We happened to run into each other in public. We knew each other beforehand because she friended me on Facebook a while earlier. So we had already talked before and we had each other's numbers. But we were just acquaintances. However, after we ran into each other, she texted me saying she enjoyed talking to me. At that point I knew I might have an opportunity so I said that we should see each other. She agreed. And then like a week later, I texted her to set up the date.

Here's the interesting part. Right before the date, she texted me asking if her other male friend could tag along. That smelled of friend zone. So instead of agreeing to that, I texted back saying I just wanted to spend time with her alone and if she changed her mind to let me know. Otherwise, I'm doing my own thing. Well a few minutes later she texted back saying she changed her mind and that her other male friend wont be there. The rest is history lol
very cool-- I just hope I can finally get a date for once this year.

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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:38 AM
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I'm not desperate enough to ask 30 women. I guess I'll just accept being alone.
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:27 AM
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actually most people "ask" a lot of potential mates before they hit up with one. just a lot of this process happens non-explicitly, people just kinda feel each other up and see where it goes. so asking 30 women isnt even that desperate.

...and even if, who cares? i asked 200 girls before i hit up with my gf. fact of the matter is that im still having a gf now and im quite content with what i did - along with having a gf now i also have had an overall good experience of going out there and doing my thing and getting a lot of good reactions.

if you went out there and asked 30 girls you probably would find that a couple of them do like you, even if it doesnt work out for a reason or another. these would be reference experiences which you could recall later to enable you to ask another 30, if necessary, and so on. also it just sinks into your mind that despite all the bull**** in your head, there are actually girls that find you attractive. hot ones, too.

while youre here thinking negatively about going about and asking girls out, i did the thing youre avoiding and im feeling better (and thinking less negatively about the thing, too). it didnt kill me and im stronger than i was before. it would be the same thing for you, if you manage to get your thinking somewhat under control.
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 10:50 AM
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I'm not desperate enough to ask 30 women. I guess I'll just accept being alone.
This is the "Triumphs" subforum, where people work hard and good things happen.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:38 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not desperate enough to ask 30 women. I guess I'll just accept being alone.
Well according to Tony Robbins, the number one necessity for success is hunger. If you're not hungry for success, then you will likely not be successful.

For me, I worked my *** off to face my fears over and over again. It finally paid off and now I have a girl I love and who loves me. And because I had to work so hard for it, I appreciate it much more than I would have if it came easy. It's so true that the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.

To sum up what I'm trying to say, Beverly Sills puts it eloquently when she says there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

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actually most people "ask" a lot of potential mates before they hit up with one. just a lot of this process happens non-explicitly, people just kinda feel each other up and see where it goes. so asking 30 women isnt even that desperate.

...and even if, who cares? i asked 200 girls before i hit up with my gf. fact of the matter is that im still having a gf now and im quite content with what i did - along with having a gf now i also have had an overall good experience of going out there and doing my thing and getting a lot of good reactions.

if you went out there and asked 30 girls you probably would find that a couple of them do like you, even if it doesnt work out for a reason or another. these would be reference experiences which you could recall later to enable you to ask another 30, if necessary, and so on. also it just sinks into your mind that despite all the bull**** in your head, there are actually girls that find you attractive. hot ones, too.

while youre here thinking negatively about going about and asking girls out, i did the thing youre avoiding and im feeling better (and thinking less negatively about the thing, too). it didnt kill me and im stronger than i was before. it would be the same thing for you, if you manage to get your thinking somewhat under control.
That's awesome man! Credit to you for putting in the work. Yep I totally agree. I definitely had initial interest from several girls but I would become a bit needy or my anxiety would worsen and I would get awkward and not be able to talk well. But all those failures made me stronger and better at handling my emotions. So when an opportunity came with the girl I'm with, I was able to handle the situation, manage my anxiety, and date her. Had I not gone through what I went through, I would not have been strong enough to handle it. The girl I'm with now is pretty hot so I'm a happy man lol. And of course she has a good personality and we have a lot in common.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
― Mark Twain
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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 01:44 AM
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Well according to Tony Robbins, the number one necessity for success is hunger. If you're not hungry for success, then you will likely not be successful.

For me, I worked my *** off to face my fears over and over again. It finally paid off and now I have a girl I love and who loves me. And because I had to work so hard for it, I appreciate it much more than I would have if it came easy. It's so true that the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.

To sum up what I'm trying to say, Beverly Sills puts it eloquently when she says there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.



That's awesome man! Credit to you for putting in the work. Yep I totally agree. I definitely had initial interest from several girls but I would become a bit needy or my anxiety would worsen and I would get awkward and not be able to talk well. But all those failures made me stronger and better at handling my emotions. So when an opportunity came with the girl I'm with, I was able to handle the situation, manage my anxiety, and date her. Had I not gone through what I went through, I would not have been strong enough to handle it. The girl I'm with now is pretty hot so I'm a happy man lol. And of course she has a good personality and we have a lot in common.
I thought women don't like desperate guys.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
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I thought women don't like desperate guys.
They don't, but you can want a girl without being desperate when interacting with her. But you first must work on yourself and be in an abundance mentality instead of a scarcity mentality. You also need to work on yourself and be happy alone in order to be able to attract a high quality girl and have a high quality relationship. Love is not 2 people coming together and completing each other (aka codependence). Love is 2 people coming together and sharing their completeness (aka interdependence).

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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 12:16 PM
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How do you mean you ran into her in public?Where did yu know her from before?

And congrats dude.


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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:59 PM
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Nice man you have the heart of a lion, i cant step outside my front door without fear so you are an inspiration to me well done man i hate anxiety
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:17 AM Thread Starter
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Nice man you have the heart of a lion, i cant step outside my front door without fear so you are an inspiration to me well done man i hate anxiety
Man I just know that you are tougher than you think. You're stronger than you think. You're better than you think. I've proved it to myself over and over again. I've done things I never thought I could do. Playing my violin in front of people. Getting a girl. Getting through college (I'm a senior). Just being alive today is something that about 4 years ago I didn't think I would be. I'm no better than anyone on here. I just work hard and keep going because it's the only choice I have. It's either that or death for me. But as my man Eric Thomas says, when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 06:02 PM
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Congrats man. I know exactly what you mean by first loving yourself before you can love others or others can love you back. It's been an uphill climb and this year i've been able to tame my critical thinking and loving myself more so now than i can remember. Good luck in your relationship with this girl and maybe more girls to come.

“You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”
- Christopher Columbus
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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-23-2018, 10:30 PM
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 01:32 AM
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Nice man you have the heart of a lion, i cant step outside my front door without fear so you are an inspiration to me well done man i hate anxiety
Force yourself to do it, screw anxiety, dont leti t ruin your life. You will find out that it isnt as bad as you think, in fact it gets so much easier so quickly when you do it more often.
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 04:22 PM
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bump
Why are you bumping somebody else's +2yr-old thread...?

In case you care about OP, according to his much more recent VMs, he hasn't been doing well lately.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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