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Social anxiety is the fear of being judged, but you cannot stop being judged by other people, people without social anxiety are judged by other people too, they just don't make a big deal out of it, they are confortable with being judged and don't make it personal. Sometimes when they feel that the criticism is legitimate and constructive, they accept it and change their behaviour. Other times when they feel that the criticism is undeserved such as just mean talk or troll comments, they ignore it and move on with their lives. They don't take being judged as something personal, it's not always about you as much as it is about the other person as well, you need to look at the context and enviroment as well.
Social anxiety is also the fear of being rejected, there are a lot of people without social anxiety who are afraid of being rejected. But the people who aren't afraid of being rejected, just don't make a big deal out of being rejected, they don't like it but they don't make a tragedy out of it. They accept it, get over it and act like nothing happened.
So the solution is not to stop being judged by other people or make yourself immune to being judged, which is impossible, the solution is to not make a big deal out of being judged, to be confortable being judged, to accept that you can be judged and do it anyway. The more exposure you get the more reality-check you get and your mindset and perspective will change, sometimes you'll realise you won't be judged when you thought you will be judged, other times you realise that being judged is not that bad, words come and pass, nothing hurts you, really, the only thing that hurts you are the stories you make in your head.
Things may not be as dark as you see them, as I said before, when you're afraid, you make up scenarios, it's possible that you will be judged by some people, it's also possible that you won't be judged by some people, you never know until you actually try. By the way, nobody can see that you are afraid/anxious, the symptoms of social anxiety manifest only in your head, from the outside you look normal, only a little scared or shy, people's reaction won't be that bad. Don't generalize people, everybody has different values and will judge you based on different criterias, the things some people may hate you for are exactly the things other people may love you for. You cannot control other people, you can only judge their character and actions and make an impression whether to trust them or not.
Try not to focus on what others think and start working on your professional life. You have to be yourself so you can feel good about yourself and so you can be liked for who you are
. To be at ease, to be confortable, and you can't do that if you worry what others say of you. Don't have an extreme carelessness, we live in a society with other people, but as long as you're decent, you're polite, you don't insult, you've done your part
. If somebody doesn't like you and you've done your part it's their problem, you've done your part. You should care what others think and be more agreeable (think about the consequences, don't start unnecessary conflict) but not make it your goal to win the approval of others
, they either give you approval or don't, you're good both ways. There are exceptions when you should try to win the approval of others, when you go to a job interview to make a good impression so that you will be hired or when you go out on a date but in general you shouldn't live your life for other people
We all care about some people. Lying to yourself about your own mindset won't help you in the long run. Instead, you'll just make many poor choices that hurt a lot of important people to you. A better outlook on life is to think about how you want to be perceived and by whom. There are very few people in our lives that really matter to us: spouses, kids, parents, close friends, coworkers. We want and need their approval for us to live a good life. That isn’t done for them, but for us. We need that, but we don't need everyone.
Mindset is the way you think, the established set of attitudes held by someone, a mental inclination or disposition, or a frame of mind, your collection of thoughts and beliefs that shape your thought habits. If you have a bad mindset you will get bad ressults. If you get bad ressults change your mindset. Get out of your confort zone and change your mindset to one that helps you
, that is useful to you. You can change yourself to become what you want to become.
Sadly, most people with social anxiety have a negative fixed mindset, and this is understandable, when your life is bad and completly negative it's only natural to have a bad and completly natural mindset, but don't think that your mindset is fixed, and don't cling to that fixed mindset, try to develop a better mindset, a growth mindset, a more useful mindset, that will help you make better decisions in life.
A lot of 40 years old "experts"
say that they already are experts in terms of social anxiety because they've had social anxiety for years, well if they've already had social anxiety for years how can they think of themselves as experts? An expert in football is not someone who played football the longest but someone who plays football the best. This sort of arrogance and fixed mindset keeps them stuck in their ways, unable to see new persepctives, try new things and get out of their confort zone.
Mindset is a simple idea discovered by world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck.
In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.
In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.
How can you change your mindset? one way to do it is to do it instantly is by autosuggestion. You probably already know deep down what you should do. You know you should go out there and talk to those people. You know you just go to that party and not pretend you are something different just to be liked. Deep down we know in our intuition what to do. So do it, just do it, accept that mindset of just do it. Motivate yourself, determinate yourself, raise yourself, pull yourself back together
Tell yourself "I can do it"
and motivate yourself, move your fists, energize yourself, even if you don't feel like it, until you feel like it. You want that good life? then make yourself that good life. You don't need to be an expert, you don't need to be the best, you don't need to be perfect, you don't need to be super-human, you don't even need to be good, you just need to do it, you just need to start doing it, because learning is the greatest capacity humans have, and repetition is the mother of all learning, so just do it. Have a warrior attitude, someone who doesn't give up, someone who fights for what he wants, someone who is ambitious, in spite of depression, in spite of pain, in spite of not feeling like it. You know what you have to do, so just do it
Another way is to learn new information. Explore new things, learn from different people, see different perspective, ask different people on this subject, ask for advice. You have the internet, search on the internet and read about different things, read from different prespectives. You already know about "fixed mindset vs growth mindset"
from here, that's a start. You can continue you reading here: https://www.developgoodhabits.com/fi...rowth-mindset/
. And not just about mindset, about any problem you may have, learn and apply. It's true that you need to learn, but you also need to apply. You cannot learn how to swim without actually swimming, and this involves facing some fears
So yeah, accept that you will be judged and do it anyway. You have to be yourself so you can feel good about yourself and so you can be liked for who you are. To be at ease, to be confortable, and you can't do that if you worry what others say of you. You cannot protect yourself from being judged, nobody is immune from being judged, the best you can do is not make a big deal out of it. There will be people who will judge you, and there will be people who won't judge you. Don't make it your goal to win the approval of others. As long as you're decent, you're polite, you don't insult, you've done your part. If somebody doesn't like you and you've done your part it's their problem, you've done your part. Don't let the voice of others bring down your inner spirit. If you keep going and keep trying you will eventually find people who share your values and who will like you for who you are.
This is not "don't worry"
this is "don't listen to the worries and do it anyway"
, don't give a crap about worries.
Here's another link that could help you: https://www.socialanxietysupport.com...erson-2219433/
And remember: the secret of getting rid of social anxiety is not to avoid fear, it's to face your fears, to walk on fear, to dance with fear. Do that long enough and your perspective will change, your mindset will change, those new experiences will offer you a new reality check. Social anxiety is just a feeling, you're anxious, maybe you're blushing too, but you are still in control of your body, you decide what to do. You decide whether you want to listen to the fear or don't listen to the fear and do it anyway.