17 y/o male's First House Party! (I survived) - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-11-2018, 01:50 AM Thread Starter
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17 y/o male's First House Party! (I survived)


I went to my first house party yesterday and I feel like it was a very formative experience.

I would recommend that anyone that's very worried about a party a friend has invited them to just try it once. Reading this far you'd think that I had the time of my life but I had multiple failures that night:
Struggled multiple times to maintain a conversation with someone for a meaningful amount of time

Friend asked a girl there (without asking me first) that I was into whether she liked me and she said no but she was clearly into my friend.

I had obviously made some people uncomfortable by my awkwardness

Had some physical symptoms flare up (tightness in forehead/nose, toe cramped up??that really hurt)

Mixed up the names of two girls (this one made me feel so bad).

BUT
I met a ton of new people and actually worked up the courage to ask the aforementioned girl for her social media now I evidence that I don't need to be scared of doing so.

I realised that strangers aren't all viciously judgemental since people approached me and asked if I was ok when I started looking a bit glum.

I got closer to the guys from my school who were initially aquaintances but the closest to real friends that I had.

Finally, I realised that my SA has been lying to me because I do not hate social interaction I only hate the way I behave in social settings. Although I knew many of these lessons from reading on the internet I believe the positive personal experience will be invaluable in the future to counter my worries plus I know what I need to work on now.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-11-2018, 11:53 PM
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-12-2018, 01:38 AM
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This was beautiful to read and I imagine it will only get easier and better for you. For me it took time and my first house party at your age over ten years ago was not so smooth. Stood at the door waiting to be invited like an idiot for 15 mins. Then when I eventually came in and saw that my friend wanted to set me up with a very nice girl at the time who seemed to take interest in me, I got scared and ran from the party and walked an hour back home. Now this stuff wouldn't scare me too much, perhaps a bit of anxiety, but very manageable. Keep it up, it could very well only get easier. Like some girls, many shy guys do blossom over the years too.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-12-2018, 05:01 PM
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Would you go to another one? I went to a house party once and didn't enjoy myself whatsoever. Alcohol doesn't really thrill me, there was a bunch of people I didn't know and I can't really manage to have conversations in loud environments. Same thing happened the 3 times I went to a nightclub. I like socializing too, just not in loud noisy, crowded environments, I more enjoy 1on1 or at most 3 people to socialize with.

"It's better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared." -- Whitney Young Jr.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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Would you go to another one? I went to a house party once and didn't enjoy myself whatsoever. Alcohol doesn't really thrill me, there was a bunch of people I didn't know and I can't really manage to have conversations in loud environments. Same thing happened the 3 times I went to a nightclub. I like socializing too, just not in loud noisy, crowded environments, I more enjoy 1on1 or at most 3 people to socialize with.
I feel just the same about loud parties so I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to attend a party but I went to that one as a friendly gesture (I had turned down a lot of events with a friend). Believe it or not I have another one in a few weeks, this time a birthday party. The host doesn't seem the type to throw a crazy, alcohol-fueled rave and they said that we're watching movies for part of it so that should give me something to focus on (instead of myself haha).

If you haven't read it I highly recommend the book "How to win friends and influence people" I learnt everyone wants to feel important so if you can give them that by focusing your interactions on THEM (their hobbies, interests, reedeeming characteristics etc.) it greatly relieves your anxiety because they will often take over the conversation plus the focus is on them, just try to listen to every detail and they will love you instantly (=. Yeah, hope that helps!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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As far as music being too loud to actually talk to people my only solution has been to avoid such situations because I can't function well in those environments. Maybe try to find someone by themselves as soon as you enter and after introducing youself ask to talk to them in a quiter area? I'm really interested in a solution to that it's a tough one
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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This was beautiful to read and I imagine it will only get easier and better for you. For me it took time and my first house party at your age over ten years ago was not so smooth. Stood at the door waiting to be invited like an idiot for 15 mins. Then when I eventually came in and saw that my friend wanted to set me up with a very nice girl at the time who seemed to take interest in me, I got scared and ran from the party and walked an hour back home. Now this stuff wouldn't scare me too much, perhaps a bit of anxiety, but very manageable. Keep it up, it could very well only get easier. Like some girls, many shy guys do blossom over the years too.
Thank you glad you liked it. Wow that sounds rough it's great that you've made so much progress, inspirational stuff 🙂 I'll definitely keep getting out there, that'll be half the battle sorted!
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks!
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-15-2018, 06:05 AM
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Good job man, glad you had so many positives.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2018, 08:29 AM
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good for you !
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